To think this request takes the absolute biscuit.

[Justwantaneasylifenowplease]

DSS12
Married to DH 4, together 10. Great relationship with DSS. His DM withholds access when she doesn't get her own way. She is demanding a 2.1% increase on maintenance payments from DH, plus he is to pay an additional 50% of his private school fees (her choice, DH had no right to an input)
Apparently we need to now take into account my earnings and bonuses. This is the same woman who has caused me an infertile whore. (See other thread) The same woman who sent DSS to ours for the weekend with no clothes that fitted him and expected us to kit him out, head to toe. (Which we did) I'm so curious as to what she does with the money DH already gives her, when he seems to shell out hand over fist in addition.
AIBU to think she must be completely nuts and that after the hell, she's put me through she wouldn't have the audacity to ask me for money and genuinely expect to get it?!

Tell her to fuck off. Conversation over.

Tell her to do one! I saw on another thread here where someone was saying their ex gf should contribute but was told no, she shouldn’t. Their income doesn’t count etc, so think you should be ok.

If your DH had no input to private school, then he should say no.

She sounds awful!!

Suggest giving only court mandated money. Yours does not enter the equation.
Also ask DSS if he wants to live with you for a while.

Fuck off pet
And repeat as necessary...

She has no right to withhold access. What court orders do you have in place?

Is this all voluntary or through the courts?

I think your DH needs to go to court to get access set down correctly and check with CMS how much he actually needs to pay. How often do you have DSS?

And what does your DH do with these ludicrous requests? Just tell her no. You didnt create the child and your income is of no relevance to her. If she withholds access then take her to court or she will just continue to lord over you both. Pay only what CMS advise she is entitled to and no more. She will need to learn to budget like everyone else

Is she the one who wanted to meet with you the other week? I guess this was what she wanted to talk to you about.

Yes she is taking the proverbial, your DH has no obligation to pay school fees if it is not of his choosing, I think you have to go through the courts as I guess he is paying over the odds anyway and then pay her the minimum. You can then put the difference directly to DSS and have proper custody laid out.

I've been on the other side of this from you, OP, where everything I did was demonised and was willfully misinterpreted. Heigh ho.

Ok, that's my view, I tried to be fair but was not perfect and there are always two sides, etc, etc. But money is a toxic subject and DSS is a teenager which brings it's own issues.

You should not have to fund DSS's schooling, that's fair enough, and can just say no to contributing more, this it OH's obligation.

(I'll bet DSS is being made miserable by all this.)

The thing is, that you could end up paying indirectly, insofar as if your dh pays, he will therefore have less to contribute to your marital pot, so you may end up making the difference.

Ah I bet this is what she wanted to talk to you about!

Let her go through CMS calculations for maintenance and see where it gets her. Your earnings are not taken into account.

FWIW I was one of the people who thought you should go meet her but I've changed my mind now!

She is vile woman, who sends a child with no clothes that fit disgusting behaviour. This child is sadly going to be one messed up adult if this behaviour continues

Just can’t decide alone that the child will go to private school and then expect the parent with no input to fund it.

With maintenance well legally all he has to pay is whatever the child maintenance people set the limit at but if he pays more is up to him and based on what he can afford

Just say No and that’s the end of it

Your DH needs to grow a pair and tell the CF to piss off.

I’m not sure why your husband had no choice in paying (and additional?) 50% of school fees - do you mean he was already paying 50% and is now paying 100%?

I honk it’s reasonable for your husband to contribute to education fees, if they have decided on private school - and I mean if this was a joint decision.

However, it sounds like your husband is complaining a lot but doing very little to resolve this. His son is suffering.

The answer is very obvious - go and see a solicitor. And stop allowing this vile woman to impact on you.

Your poor step son.

If your husband didn’t agree to private school, then he sim0y has to say he won’t contribute.

I still think push for more time, you have his best interests at heart .

This is easy, if she withholds access then you withhold the school fees. The 2.1% will seem pretty insignificant then. Solicitors letter asking for a review of the terms.

Dippypippy, The OP has made it very clear that her dh did NOT agree to private schooling.

This is easy, if she withholds access then you withhold the school fees.
RTFT!!

Is the boy at a good school? Is he happy? Is it much better for him that he is there rather than at a local state school? I imagine that his mother thought it best for him - especially as she is clearly paying for some of it. Education and a good school setting can really make the difference especially if a child is in the middle of warring parents.

A good father would pay for that, (as long as he could afford it). He wouldn't think twice.

Get the money and the access sorted via the courts but the child comes first - always. If the ex wife needs more money for her son then it may be the case. (Have you any idea how much teenage boys eat, grow, change? Have you any idea of the cost of trying to make sure that they are happy and have opportunities to help them have the best possible future? )

If you have a good salary and can afford it why wouldn't you pay towards your husband's child? regardless of how horrible his ex is.

A good father would pay for that, (as long as he could afford it). He wouldn't think twice. I am sure even the very best of parent would cavill if this was a demand basedon a unilateral decision!

If you have a good salary and can afford it why wouldn't you pay towards your husband's child? Really? I mean really? You think that is at all reasonable?

OP has no need to know anything at all about the costs of a child. She doesn't have one! Her DH and his ex do... they are the only 2 people who should pay for that child's upbringing. Everything you seem to want to put at OPs door belongs fairly and squarely at their doors, and that includes the mother, who you seem to want to paint as a poor hapless soul! Why do you feel the need to do that, do you think?

The way I read it is dss is about to go to senior school at the 13 plus entry point. Or he has started senior school at 11 plus and she is finding it hard to manage the fees.
Generally senior school can cost up to 50-100% more than prep but they don't all cost that much more, the fees tend to jump in year 7, 9, 12That's where the increase in fees is likely coming from.
At this stage if I'm right and she's accepted a place then what is looming is a terms fees in lieu of notice if someone doesn't pay so I would say you or they need to knock out once and for all schooling because it's not going to get any less expensive.
When was the last time that he increased his basic payments because that's what the court will look at, that and what his current take home is.
He needs to start recording what he is paying for in addition to maintenance how much and how often.
She can be however she likes, but your DH should focus on the welfare and financial needs of his DS and try to discard any nonsense

Oh dear lord look at this mess - sorry, my mistake - but reading OP’s post she said he had no choice in the additionally 50%, I had read it as about paying the fees not going to the school.

I don’t think it is very clear - and could be interpreted a number of ways.

Two sides to every story, especially in this kind of situation (though if she actually called you that name in person to your face she is 100% out of order on that count).

I just feel sorry for the poor child. I hope they are keeping him out of it (but doesn't sound like it).