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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who the hell do I report this to?

46 replies

Pigsofdoom · 28/04/2019 07:42

Have N/C

DC does an activity. If relevant the kids are 12 - 18.
The kids are carefully monitored in session and separated to sleep on camp. When you shower you are meant to get changed in the cubicle just incase any females have even gone near the boys side.

One of the 12 year old boys had had a shower and did not think about it and went back to the (all boys room) to get dry and dressed. There was some rumour he had accidently shown part of his privates while getting dressed and the boys gave him a bit of joking about it.

The kids were recounting this back at normal activity and joking he had a small penis etc Infront of the girls but the boy laughed it off so they left it.

Apart from one of the girls. She's around 12 and a bit of a nightmare. She brags about smoking weed etc.
As far as I know the kids are in the same year at school but aren't friends.

Two weeks later she's carried on the jokes about the boy having a tiny penis etc even though she wasn't there at the time to the point the boy has not returned to the activity and DC has been told he's getting bullied at school about it.
DC has reported that the girl has now said went to his house and had sex with him and had been a bit graphic saying all kinds including about getting "bummed' by him, she said she didn't want to because his penis was so small etc etc etc
One of the kids threatened to report this to the leader and she said it was a prank, she was only joking etc etc.

DC has come home and recounted all this to me.

The boy has not returned to the activity after two weeks of name calling from the girl before she made the latest statement so he's no longer at the session and doesn't know what she has said either.

I don't have any contact with either parent.
I do know which school they attend.

At worse a 12 year old girl HAS been forced into anal sex.
or a 12 year old boy is being horribly bullied.
At best two 12 year olds are having sex.
Help!

OP posts:
curiositycreature · 28/04/2019 07:45

Thinking your best bet may be to tell their schools in the first instance? You never know how much of the story the parents are aware of

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 28/04/2019 07:46

I think if you refer it to NSPCC they can refer on to local police or social services.
Sounds as though the girl is displaying overly sexual behaviour for a 12yo.

abcriskringle · 28/04/2019 07:47

Report to the school's safeguarding officer and they can investigate. They should take these types of comments very seriously.

checkingforballoons · 28/04/2019 07:47

Can you not go to whoever runs the activity? I’d expect them to know how to handle things from there.

Shadow1986 · 28/04/2019 07:47

Surely you need to discuss immediately with the people in charge of the activity.

It sounds like the 12 year old boy is being bullied.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 28/04/2019 07:48

Sorry I don't mean she's necessarily doing anything wrong but that joking about or taking part in this behaviour is inappropriate at her age. She might need safeguarding.
If it's 'only' joking then this poor boy is being horribly bullied and she needs pulling up about that.

KateyKube · 28/04/2019 07:48

Report to the activity leader? They will have contact details for parents and schools.

nrpmum · 28/04/2019 07:49

Agree with DontBuyANewMumCashmere which is an indicator that she may be getting abused herself.

BikeRunSki · 28/04/2019 07:50

Report to the person running the activity.

Thingsdogetbetter · 28/04/2019 07:50

It's probable that the girl is lying, but her language and fixation on continuing sexual 'jokes' seem highly sexualized for a 12 year old. So report.

youarenotkiddingme · 28/04/2019 07:51

Totally agree with approaching the activity leaders. Ask them about their safeguarding policy and if you don't think it'll go far enough up the chain to cover all areas (eg the fact it's spread to school) then contact nspcc too.

HelloYouTwo · 28/04/2019 07:53

It’s highly unlikely that the 12 year olds had anal sex.

It’s pretty clear that the boy is being bullied.

It’s probable that the girl has some other problems in her life.

I’d start with the activity leader.

IWantMyHatBack · 28/04/2019 07:54

NSPCC are always a good place to start with things like this. Definitely speak to the group leader as well.

brizzlemint · 28/04/2019 07:56

The organisation who run the activity will have a safe guarding officer, start with the leader and ask who it is and take it from there. They will have a local person with safe guarding responsibility and they will have access to county/regional/national safe guarding departments who will advise what action to take.

Original poster
Pigsofdoom · 28/04/2019 07:57

Thank you.
I did wonder about telling the school. They are both in the same year and the year head contact is on the website.

I was worried about reporting to the activity that because the boy has left the activity it might not be dealt with because he isn't there anymore.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks it's a bit sexualised for a 12 year old. That's barely out of primary school!

OP posts:
brizzlemint · 28/04/2019 07:59

I was worried about reporting to the activity that because the boy has left the activity it might not be dealt with because he isn't there anymore.

If they have safe guarding concerns then they still have a responsibility to deal with it, the child not being at the activity any more doesn't absolve them of that responsibility.

Dillydallyingthrough · 28/04/2019 08:03

Report to the activity leader and the school - make it clear though you want to be kept anonymous otherwise your DC may lose trust in you.

I agree the girl could be displaying overtly sexual behaviour. My DD told me something similar at around the same age - most of the kids in her year group seem to be very sexualised (discussing porn, orgies, anal sex when they were year 7/8). I reported anonymously, one of the popular girls was being abused and it seems as if the rest were repeating what she was saying. When I reported to the school they were surprised as they said parents rarely report something that doesn't have anything to do with their child, which I think is very sad. My report led to SS and the police becoming involved and a change of residence (she is completely different 2 years on and I hope she is safe). Safeguarding is everyones responsibility - protecting the boy from bullying or the girl from potential abuse (or even boundary issues) is so important - they are children and need adults to speak up for them.

MrsKrabbapple · 28/04/2019 08:04

Report it to the school then. At least you know it's going to be dealt with properly then. Whereas if you only report it to the activity leader, it might not as they may not have as much safeguarding experience and training as the school. Although they will have had some.

Dillydallyingthrough · 28/04/2019 08:05

Sorry realised I got on my high horse Blush

Find out the safeguarding lead at the school and report to them.

BikeRunSki · 28/04/2019 08:07

I am a Cub leader. We have protocols for addressing safeguarding concerns within the organisation, regardless of who raises them. I imagine this is the car with many youth activities.I would say it is still relevant, even though the boy has since left the activity.

The important thing is that you report it to someone, but as the leader of the activity I would be alarmed/upset abd feel somewhat undermined if this came to me “second hand” via school or Social Services. It’s likely that if you report it to school, then they’ll contact the social services, abdvone of them will contact the activity organisation anyway.

Original poster
Pigsofdoom · 28/04/2019 08:13

Thanks Bike.
I was going to contact school because I thought they would pass on but reading your post I will email the leaders too.
I'll have to email as it's a nightmare and we have no blooming phone numbers for them!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pigsofdoom · 28/04/2019 08:14

I will ring the school in the morning too.

OP posts:
Flaverings · 28/04/2019 08:17

At best two 12 year olds are having sex.

No, it's not.

Original poster
Pigsofdoom · 28/04/2019 08:22

Flaverings I didn't mean it was a good thing , I meant that it was the least horrific of the three options of a girl being raped or a boy being accused of rape and bullied.

OP posts:
Flaverings · 28/04/2019 08:25

Sorry for not being clear, I meant that the best case scenario is that the boy hasn't had sex and the girl is repeating stuff she's heard elsewhere, doesn't understand but thinks it's clever/funny to repeat.

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