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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who the hell do I report this to?

46 replies

Pigsofdoom · 28/04/2019 07:42

Have N/C

DC does an activity. If relevant the kids are 12 - 18.
The kids are carefully monitored in session and separated to sleep on camp. When you shower you are meant to get changed in the cubicle just incase any females have even gone near the boys side.

One of the 12 year old boys had had a shower and did not think about it and went back to the (all boys room) to get dry and dressed. There was some rumour he had accidently shown part of his privates while getting dressed and the boys gave him a bit of joking about it.

The kids were recounting this back at normal activity and joking he had a small penis etc Infront of the girls but the boy laughed it off so they left it.

Apart from one of the girls. She's around 12 and a bit of a nightmare. She brags about smoking weed etc.
As far as I know the kids are in the same year at school but aren't friends.

Two weeks later she's carried on the jokes about the boy having a tiny penis etc even though she wasn't there at the time to the point the boy has not returned to the activity and DC has been told he's getting bullied at school about it.
DC has reported that the girl has now said went to his house and had sex with him and had been a bit graphic saying all kinds including about getting "bummed' by him, she said she didn't want to because his penis was so small etc etc etc
One of the kids threatened to report this to the leader and she said it was a prank, she was only joking etc etc.

DC has come home and recounted all this to me.

The boy has not returned to the activity after two weeks of name calling from the girl before she made the latest statement so he's no longer at the session and doesn't know what she has said either.

I don't have any contact with either parent.
I do know which school they attend.

At worse a 12 year old girl HAS been forced into anal sex.
or a 12 year old boy is being horribly bullied.
At best two 12 year olds are having sex.
Help!

OP posts:

Original poster

Pigsofdoom · 28/04/2019 08:28

Well yes I hope so!

OP posts:

Piggywaspushed · 28/04/2019 08:36

It's a bit odd that you wouldn't think the first port of call was the activity leaders as this is a safeguarding issue and someone there has to (by law) be safeguarding trained. Contacting schools is a very much more convoluted approach. It matters not at all that the boy has not been going : that's the whole point, surely??

Barkybarkynutnut · 28/04/2019 08:37

Anything like this and under the age of 13 is a safeguarding issue and must be reported. The use of such language, the accusations and the bullying /sexual harassment is extremely worrying. The law is very clear when it comes to Under 13 s. Report as a matter of urgency.

Original poster

Pigsofdoom · 28/04/2019 08:49

Piggywaspushed as I said I was worried because it's volunteer run I wasn't sure how switched on they would be safeguarding wise especially as the boy had left and she was saying it's a prank.
They don't even have phone numbers.

OP posts:

brizzlemint · 28/04/2019 08:54

Even if it is volunteer run they still have a requirement for safe guarding. If they aren't keeping up with safe guarding requirements then you need to make sure that you speak to somebody higher up in the organisation.
What activity was it?

AloneLonelyLoner · 28/04/2019 08:56

When I was 12 a girl arrived at school as a new start and she quickly joined my group of friends. She was very sexualised in everything. She talked about sex a lot, was overly flirtatious in a very adult way. Even as kids we were concerned. Obviously though this was picked up on by the teachers and a few months later she left the school -next thing we knew her dad was on the front page of the local papers, having been charged with sexually abusing his two daughters. That poor girl. Her poor sister. It's for all of us to protect children.

minisoksmakehardwork · 28/04/2019 09:00

If it's anything like scouting, the volunteers will be well appraised of their responsibilities regarding safeguarding and should take it seriously. Report to the activity leaders and report to the school as well as it has carried over into their domain. The boy needs support for the bullying and the girl needs support to realise her behaviour isn't appropriate and to investigate whether there may be other issues going on as well.

BikeRunSki · 28/04/2019 09:00

^Even if it is volunteer run they still have a requirement for safe guarding. If they aren't keeping up with safe guarding requirements then you need to make sure that you speak to somebody higher up in the organisation.
What activity was it?^

As a youth group volunteer, I totally agree.

brizzlemint · 28/04/2019 09:02

OP have you contacted anybody yet?

LIZS · 28/04/2019 09:02

Even volunteers have a duty of care and safeguarding is everyone's responsibility regardless of role especially where supervising an activity for children is concerned. Tbh I'm not sure that he should be running this if he has no policies in place or even parent contact details. Is supervision adequate, should those age groups mix freely to that extent, what health and safety is there? Sadly he needs to have these things in place as much to protect himself as the children. What if the girl made accusations against the volunteer?

SchrodingersBrexit · 28/04/2019 09:08

I would report to the activity first. But as you have some concern around their safeguarding practices, I would also consider reporting through the school (if the activity is linked to the school) to ensure that it's followed up.

caughtinanet · 28/04/2019 09:23

Give her a chance brizzlemint, she only stated the thread not much more than an hour ago!

I'd start by email with the activity organisers to ask for contact details for their safeguarding person and speak to that person by phone.

Contacting the school as well should ensure that the proper action is taken.

LIZS · 28/04/2019 09:28

You can also report your concerns to the LADO at the local council, who can support the volunteer and look into what has occurred.

Piggywaspushed · 28/04/2019 10:07

OP you can't do things like take kids on residentials without someone being a DSL , to my knowledge. Every club (eg a sports club) has to have a designated child protection person (not always quite called that). I suppose I am just coming from the angle that thye might actually deal with it more quickly than the school. Schools have hundred (thousands) of students and issues to deal with daily and it may be that something that happened off the school site will be shunted down the pile slightly , whereas this club will presumably only have this one issue to confront.

They absolutely should have phone numbers. that's just bonkers. What happens if there is an emergency!?

To be quite frank, I'm not sure I'd send my own child away somewhere if I had such little confidence in their ability to deal with these kind of occurrences : but that sounds a bit harsh, I'm sure and may be unfair on them.

Original poster

Pigsofdoom · 28/04/2019 10:41

Thanks I'm sorting it.

Piggywaspushed on weekly sessions there is no accessible facilities in the place phone wise so the kids are expected to have their phones with them. The activity has a list of emergency numbers too to contact us and they have a FB page you can message which they reply to immediately on activity nights in an emergency.

Without giving too much away in regards to the activity the place they go to for residentials has paid staff and phone numbers as it's a fixed place.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pigsofdoom · 28/04/2019 10:43

Thanks LIZ.
I have no idea what LADO is but will google.

OP posts:

BikeRunSki · 28/04/2019 11:23

LADO - Local Authority Designated Officer

Passtherioja · 28/04/2019 11:24

It's not the LADO you need to contact it's the Safeguarding team for your local area. LADOs deal with allegations of abuse by members of staff/group leaders etc.

Contact safeguarding/social services for your area and inform the group leaders. School would need to know from a bullying viewpoint but they can't really investigate things taking place at a non-school related activity.

You're being understandably intentionally vague about the activity-if you only report it to the activity leaders you'd have to be 100% sure that they'll deal with the situation correctly.

Piggywaspushed · 28/04/2019 11:37

I still can't fathom why you don't have the volunteer's number. An emergency could strike you as well. But I guess then at least you could phone the activity centre.

I agree with the person upthread who said that safeguarding is everyone's responsibility. It often strikes me on MN that people think only the school can or should deal with all safeguarding concerns. All people who work with children need a DBS check and any responsible organisation would ensure robust safeguarding training, first aid training etc etc.

ASauvignonADay · 28/04/2019 11:41

Contact your local social services - you can find the contact details via here: www.gov.uk/report-child-abuse-to-local-council

I would inform the safeguarding lead/whoever in charge of this group.

It would also be worth contacting the school (ask to speak to the safeguarding lead) - the bullying may spill into school so they'll appreciate being made aware.

brizzlemint · 28/04/2019 20:37

If they go to a residential centre with paid staff then the centre will have a safe guarding lead too, assuming the incident happened there.

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