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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much supervision does a 20 month old need. Diagram

53 replies

Nameisthegame · 28/04/2019 00:02

My ex is accusing me of being a helicopter parent, we go together for lunch with a mutual friend to a cafe with outside seating. Our DD 20 months loves running around people in this country love love love kids so it’s fine but she likes to run past the cafe (pedestrian residential sort of thing perfectly safe) but I (she’s in pink).

I don’t want her going past the Italian without supervision for 3 reasons, she might bother people at the fancy Italian, the flats all have secure locking doors (a bit out there) but she might get locked in a building or snatched they have big foyers so she can go out of sight easily and the Italian is halfway between the cafe and the other main road.

Sorry about the spelling grammar I have dislexia, I have attached diagram hopefully this will help clear things up.

Am I being precious? Dd is my first and is only 20 months.

How much supervision does a 20 month old need. Diagram
How much supervision does a 20 month old need. Diagram
OP posts:
Original poster
Nameisthegame · 28/04/2019 00:03

Sort is it sideways? The red are main roads and I the x is where I think a adult should step in to avoid roads dangers etc

OP posts:
Ratatatouille · 28/04/2019 00:08

I would not allow my toddler to run away from the table we were sat at, let alone into public streets and in close proximity to a road. The only exceptions I can really think of is if we were in an enclosed beer garden type place, or one of those cafes that has a little play area and we were sat close by.

Caterina99 · 28/04/2019 00:08

My DD is 19 months. I’m a pretty relaxed parent (also have a nearly 4 year old) and I wouldn’t let my DD out of my sight in a public space, especially if there are roads

My older child I trust a bit more to be out of immediate eyeline if he’s with another child and he has been given clear boundaries where he can go. Even then I’d be checking constantly on him.

PodgeBod · 28/04/2019 00:09

At 20 months I think you should always be able to grab her within a few seconds in public. If you're worried she has gone too far, then she probably has gone too far.

Caterina99 · 28/04/2019 00:09

When I say out of sight for my 19 month old. I really mean not more than a few feet away from me. DS could go further away, but preferably stay in sight

SandyY2K · 28/04/2019 00:15

My child that age would not be out of my sight. I would not be able to relax unless she was in an enclosed play area and I had sight on the area.

That's me, but I was always very conscious and watching so much true crime, I am a tad paranoid about these kind of things.

Lumene · 28/04/2019 00:17

No you are being sensible, not precious.

Original poster
Nameisthegame · 28/04/2019 00:18

X I’m glad it’s not just me, I feel like he’s always undermining me. We still currently live together. He’s doing my nut in I’m seriously considering moving across the country to go live in a tiny flat in a very rainy part of the country with my mum.

I thought we could be civil and co parent but it’s getting sour, he just seems to take delight in opposing everything I do...

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 28/04/2019 00:20

If I was at a cafe my 2yo would not be allowed out of my reach or to go and bother other people at all.

Tigger001 · 28/04/2019 00:23

Definitely not being precious. I am reasonably relaxed but there is no chance my son is out of my sight.

If we are out in public somewhere like that, he has to be in grabbing distance of me. It only takes 2 seconds and they are gone. I always think of a high profile case and another one who watches all true crime drama programmes.

You are doing the right thing IMO

Original poster
Nameisthegame · 28/04/2019 00:24

I asked him to get a ice cream for me and dd to share two vvv small spoons for her (it was 27 degrees today) and I wanted vanilla he made a massive deal about how he thought she needed to try other flavors and get a taste of new things...I said I wanted vanilla I like it shoot me ffs he comes out with a unknown flavor (outside the uk new to the country)

Turns out to be horribly fake apple and way too much cinnamon.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nameisthegame · 28/04/2019 00:26

Sorry I’m just soo angry about today and it worries me.

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stucknoue · 28/04/2019 00:26

To be honest mine would have been in the highchair at that age, they have no common sense yet, plus there's hot drink etc.

Original poster
Nameisthegame · 28/04/2019 00:31

I’m using the word cafe quite loosely as I live abroad it’s not really tea coffee sort of place and was empty at that time but I’m happy for her to run around a little then watch a little video time in the pram but she must be supervised.

She can’t bother anyone and must stay close. He’s a knob isn’t he and doesn’t respect me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nameisthegame · 28/04/2019 00:32

Glad I don’t sound silly. He’s like we’re abroad it’s different she will be out by herself at 8 with friends etc...

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 28/04/2019 00:41

Your partner is being a dick.

Your child should be seated with you and not permitted to run around a restaurant /cafe area or outdoors near a main road.

Leave and go to your mum's.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 28/04/2019 00:44

She could be siding all sorts at 8.

But she’s not even 2! Mine weren’t out of my sight at that age, and unless in an enclosed beer garden or something would be either restrained in a high chair or buggy or a parent with them.

Eatmtcheese · 28/04/2019 00:46

He’s just being a wanker
You, on the other hand, are being a normal responsible considerate parent

gluteustothemaximus · 28/04/2019 00:52

My 3 year old wouldn't be out of my sight let alone at 20 months. He has zero sense and no fear. A bad combo.

Your ex is being a dick.

Is he abusive by any chance? It's the undermining that's a red flag. Even the ice cream choices. Bringing back memories of my ex.

Original poster
Nameisthegame · 28/04/2019 01:03

Tbh I didn’t think he was but since having the baby he has cheated me with my best friend, gaslighted me, been horrible about my family, undermined me (my art Instagram page has gotten 300 extra followers this month) he said it’s just followers it means nothing.

He brings up my friend a lot what she’s doing he still speaks to her...

I don’t want to make it hard for him to see his daughter but I’m sick of him speaking to me like this...there’s stuff on dining room table (I’m messy) he put a empty packet on the table and he goes I better throw this out ?I can’t tell you off for the mess if I make mess....

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/04/2019 01:03

At that age, and in public, if she is beyond arms reach, she is too far away. Period.

Original poster
Nameisthegame · 28/04/2019 01:08

Damn he’s being abusive isn’t he....I hate this, I don’t want to be with him, I want him to see his daughter but I don’t want to have to move into my mums tiny flat where I don’t know anyone.

In September I’ll have a job and hope a partime one in July, my arts also picking up and I have some local commissions next month

OP posts:
Original poster
Nameisthegame · 28/04/2019 01:10

Do you think getting another parent to speak to him be worth it, could it be that he just thinks he knows better? Or is he just trying to undermine me and his stubbornness could put our daughter in danger?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2019 01:13

He sounds horrible and I doubt anything will work except for as little contact with him as possible.

Wanker.

Original poster
Nameisthegame · 28/04/2019 01:19

Maybe I should have asked for a hand hold, my friend says he doesn’t respect me and I don’t think he does I just hate the fact me and my daughter miss out coz he is a dick head.

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