How much supervision does a 20 month old need. Diagram

[Nameisthegame]

My ex is accusing me of being a helicopter parent, we go together for lunch with a mutual friend to a cafe with outside seating. Our DD 20 months loves running around people in this country love love love kids so it’s fine but she likes to run past the cafe (pedestrian residential sort of thing perfectly safe) but I (she’s in pink).

I don’t want her going past the Italian without supervision for 3 reasons, she might bother people at the fancy Italian, the flats all have secure locking doors (a bit out there) but she might get locked in a building or snatched they have big foyers so she can go out of sight easily and the Italian is halfway between the cafe and the other main road.

Sorry about the spelling grammar I have dislexia, I have attached diagram hopefully this will help clear things up.

Am I being precious? Dd is my first and is only 20 months.

Any woman who can do diagrams as good as yours deserves respect.

Do what you think is right and avoid him. FWIW DD was on reins at that age or she'd have run straight off.

I know I’m kinda talking to myself but all I can think about is when he comes home and my DD shouts papa as she’s so excited to see him.

She's a toddler, of course she's excited. Doesn't mean he has her best interests at heart. And he certainly doesn't have yours. And you are the most important person in her life. So an actual father, who cared, would treat you well.

Thanks @mrsterrypratchett I thought it could be better lol downside of being a artist

It is hard, but staying with a cheating abusive man will have a terrible effect on her. Your unhappiness will also have an effect on her.

It sounds as if he has left the relationship with you, in his heart, and he has moved on to the so called friend. He is being awful to you in hopes that you will move out and then he can say you left him, whereas in fact he made you so miserable you had no choice.

Someone who poaches a friend, rubs your nose in the new relationship, creates an atmosphere of hostility, insults your work, and even goes so far as to pressure you to put your baby in danger is toxic and you should move out. He is much worse than a dick head.

Your right, we broke up in December and one of the conditions of us living and co parenting was him having a day with her on sundays so that I could get stuff done and he’s done it maybe once or twice.

He doesn't want the family life you want or the responsibility you have taken on.

@mathaniety Haha she wouldn’t have him she has aher own bf ai found out about them shagging in the summer in December (she started dating someone else in September) and left him I agreed to co parent with him and stay here but I’m seriously thinking it was a bad move.

She just took part in the breakdown in our relationship for a couple of rides when she was feeling down apparently.

I don’t think he does really, I just want a nice normal family. My daughter is the most important person in my life and I need to make some hard choices and deal with it.

He brings up my friend a lot what she’s doing he still speaks to her...

If he brings her up and is still in touch with her then they are both playing games and I would say nothing is off the table.

Leave and don’t look back.

Or you’ll spend your life feeling shit and not good enough, when you clearly are good enough. Single parenting to one child is fine. I did it. Moved out from abusive relationship. He made life hell, but eventually gave up because he was a wanker. Haven’t seen him for years, and it’s lovely.

Oh, and my ex was financially, emotionally and physically abusive. But DS still was excited to see him when he was 2 years old. It doesn’t mean shit, so don’t feel bad.

I feel like I’ve made a lot of stupid choices this last decade (except for having DD) I need to make some different choices now. I’ll get another job and do more art I think I need to go to my mums, her tenant is leaving soon I think. It’s the last thing I want to do...maybe it’s the first thing I should have done.

Well, nothing’s set in stone. You can make changes now, and all is not lost. Don’t start regretting what you should or shouldn’t have done. You’re here now, and the futures waiting for you.

Being with someone who treats you like that, makes you question yourself, you don’t trust your own judgment and it can be hard to make the right choices. But your DD needs you, and that’ll be your strength.

Good luck to you and your DD x

Go where you can have support while your DD is young, and build up your art. When she gets to school age you can decide again if you want to do another move.

Don't waste time or energy crying over spilt milk. Don't let your P grind you down any more. You will end up feeling destroyed.

It is wearing me down, I need to keep moving forwards. In my head I had this happy little senorio where we lived in separate flats in the same city co parenting happily my mum moves down and me and dd can see her and have dinner with her once a week or something.

Now I’m facing living in her little flat in the wrong side of the country it just feels like a massive set back really. Me and my ex were planning on either staying here another year or moving further south to warmer pastures....feeling so conflicted and pretty tired I have to be up in 6 hours with dd.

Thank you everyone xxx night night

Op, you can have any type of future you want. The road may be a little rough for a while, but you will get there. Never give up!

She should not leave your sight in public and if you are near a road, she should be within grabbing distance.

@nameisthegame trust your mothering instincts. The safety of your little one is always number one priority. Your little one should always be close enough that you can see and stop her running further. Child abductions happen. At that age they run off in the blink of an eye. Better to be a helicopter parent and make drinking less fun than anything unthinkable happen to your precious little love. You sound lacking in confidence in your mothering and probably because of him. A good partner should back you up, support you and protect you and little one.

First and foremost you need sleep.

Think about where you want to be in 5 years and how you would want life to be for your little one.

What do you need to do, to get to that 5 year goal and look st the steps you need to get there.

In the short term it might be shitty but exactly what @aquamarine1209 said which is probably the kindest, most succinct and powerful advice anyone would give you xx

The only thing that would concern me is the level of supervision he will provide if he has your dd alone. Hopefully he won't be bothered when you move out.

Our 23 mnth old would be sitting at the table with us or either my DH or I would be tailing him round if he was allowed to wander in that scenario.

Wait the images you posted as those you so called ex made were on the poke website as a joke thread a while back. Hoax thread much?

Just came back to say nearly a year on I left and I’m now living in a completely different town. Thanks everyone