Opinions please

[chelseamumma]

Ds 14 is at his dads for the weekend and I've just seen pics of his dad on fb at the pub.

What the hell is the point in ds going there if he's being left alone??

Ds is fine with it, he gets Xbox all night

Aibu to be pissed off with this???

Well, is he ever left alone at your house?

He's 14, he doesn't need constant supervision.

Yes of course in the daytime.

It's almost 11pm and he's home alone on a visitation with his dad.

What's the point in him going

I doubt he’s been in the pub all day.

I'd hope not

You can’t really be pissed off tbh, it’s up to DS’ father how he parents during his custody time. In terms of opinions I’m a bit on the fence- your DS surely should be experiencing normal life with dad, not have some kind of Disney dad performance put on for him EOW, that’s what the relationship is all about.

Are you sure your son isn’t with him?

As a parent it is his right to go to the pub just as much as it is yours age 14 they can take care of themselves up to the level you describe

In my opinion he's not mature enough to leave at night.

Last week I left him home mid afternoon while I went shopping, told him a delivery was coming but to ignore the door and I'd get it from neighbour later. I had panicked calls from him as someone was at the door. He couldn't cope with that.

Add to the fact his dad has every other weekend and weeknights to go out and he couldn't spend two nights in with his son.

I just don't understand the point of asking to have him for the weekend but leaving him home alone for one evening/night.

We have no custody arrangement.

He's 14 and not allowed to open the door by himself?

Wow. You're not doing him any favours in helping him to grow up and develop independence are you?

But that is his custody time, formally agreed or otherwise, and it’s up to him to judge whether he thinks DS is old enough to be left alone during that time. I know you don’t agree but it doesn’t really matter what you think sadly.

How does DS feel? He’s plenty old enough to decide to stop going if he wants

How often does he stay with dad? I’d be pissed off if it didn’t happen very often and the dad had left him. If he stays every weekend and dad leaving him like this happens once in 6 months etc that’s a bit different...

Does his dad live alone?

I know it's his dads choice, still allowed to be pissed off

It happens almost every time he has him the whole weekend.

Apparently ds gave him permission to go have a few drinks and he's back now

So everything's "fine"

I just thought contact time meant you spent time together, silly me

Seems a bit odd to me that you can choose to leave him alone (daytime or not) and his dad can’t!! If you clearly think he’s not able then why do you do it?? Double standards imo sorry.

I'm not arguing about the fact he's been left, if he'd gone out shopping or something then whatever.

I'm not happy that he left him alone on his contact night. I thought the point was to spend time together? If he wanted to go out for a few drinks he could have brought him back earlier.

I've obviously got the wrong idea over it.

I wouldn't leave any child day or night to go out for a few drinks, but that's just me I guess.

You keep saying they have to spend time together but surely you don’t spend all your time with your DS? Normal parenting is to spend time away from them occasionally, whether it’s for work, a yoga class or a swim, a visit to your friends or whatever. You don’t just spend all your time with each other in day to day life do you?

Last week I left him home mid afternoon while I went shopping, told him a delivery was coming but to ignore the door and I'd get it from neighbour later. I had panicked calls from him as someone was at the door. He couldn't cope with that.

Frankly, it sounds like he needs to be left on his own a lot more often. He needs to grow up a bit. A 14-year-old should be able to cope with someone knocking at the door.

Unless he's doing it all the time, I don't really see a problem.
DH's dad used to buy him a comic, rent him a video then just go off to the pub, every single contact weekend. So sad.

@dollydaydream114 do you have any suggestions?? Your right he should be able to cope

Ok ok I'm unreasonable. I get it.

For background 6 weeks ago ds was refusing to see him after they had an argument. After two weeks of no contact they finally started talking again so I thought maybe he'd make a bit more effort.

But if this is normal contact for a father and teen then fine, I'll leave them to it

@MooBaaLaLaLa it's every two weeks, every time ds is there for two nights. ds' dad has to go to the pub at least one day every weekend.

Anyway I've deleted ex from my fb so I won't know if he leaves ds again, unless ds tells me so it's fine.

Thanks for opinions, it's what I needed

Are you for real? I was doing overnight babysitting for other families at 14!

His not coping with something as simple as a delivery is ridiculous.

You are failing your son if you are not raising him to cope with basic life experiences.

In less than 4 years he will be an adult, likely off living independently and studying at uni or working full time.

Our job as parents is to raise our children to be confident, capable and compassionate adults.

"I wouldn't leave any child day or night to go out for a few drinks, but that's just me I guess." Why on earth not? That's not normal, it's normal to use babysitters when they're younger and when they're old enough to be left not but it's absolutely not normal for them not to see their parent live a full life.

Wow thanks @Graphista

So I've given you a very small snapshot of our lives and you decide in failing as a mum. Wonderful

Well done for babysitting at 14

I said IF you are not teaching him to deal with basic life experiences. Only you can know that but it seems fairly likely if a delivery throws him so much.

You asked for opinions on the situation that's my opinion and I doubt I'm in the minority.

If her DS only sees his Dad for a weekend it is unreasonable of his Dad to go out to the pub and not spend the time with his DS when he has other weekends to do that. That said, his Dad is entitled to make that choice just like the OP is entitled to feel pissed off about it.