I feel like I have failed as a parent (Xbox related)

[pinksoda35]

My son is nearly 12 and just recently been diagnosed with ADHD, He will be starting medication soon.
He is becoming more and more shut off from our family life, choosing to spend all his time in his room on his Xbox/phone, If we did not intervene he would not leave his room and would be on the Xbox from morning till night, He has spent 6 plus hours on it with maybe the odd break to go on his phone and come out for food, I am feeling like I am failing now and that this isn't right and something I really want to get a handle on now, I admit we do let him spend more time on the Xbox because he is very hard work when he is made to come off and will then mope around and channel flick or ask me what he should do? most of the time he will cause an argument and say we are all kinds of rubbish parents/or wind his younger Brother up so in the end we send him back to his room/let him back on the Xbox-I KNOW this is not what we should be doing but we really are struggling to manage his behaviour and get him to want to do anything else.
He literally has no other interests and no longer want to come anywhere with us as a family,whether this be dog walks/lunch/day trips instead he kicks up a fuss and asks to stay at home, because he can be very hard to control if he doesn't want to be somewhere we have taken to leaving him at home for certain outings.
I have asked him to arrange to meet friends but he just says they dont want to go anywhere, we have offered to drive him to meet them etc...nothing gets arranged and he no longer wants to go to an after school club he did go too.
He is a friendly boy and has lots of friends in school-not so many outside of it, He seems happy but is completely obsessed with the Xbox and phone/internet.
I feel so sad and just need some advice please.
We are now going to enforce limits which we have tried in the past but I will admit after a while and some difficult behaviour from Son we relent and he ends up back on the Xbox again.
When someone literally has no interest in ANYTHING else and becomes upset/bored/frustrated/angry when we stop him what can be done???? He will then try his best to misbehave (or this is how it feels) so we give in...Things like rolling around on the floor with the dogs shouting silly things and not stopping when asked/rough playing with his young brother and not stopping when asked/shouting at us
Some of which could be ADHD related but I still need to know how best to deal with this instead of just relenting and letting him have his phone/go back on the Xbox.
Thanks in advance if anyone can offer some advice because it really is starting to worry and upset me and his dad.

Tell him if he doesn't participate in family walks the Xbox will be removed

My aunt was advised to bin the xbox and all non essential screens. Also to switch her ds to a gluten free and mostly paleo/keto diet. He isn't recognisable anymore and is a totally changed child - for the better. He still struggles with his attention span and flittering but now has coping mechanisms in place and has improved ten fold. He's able to hold thoughts and trains of thought in his head for longer than moments and can complete things start to finish without meltdowns.

Disagree that this is a ticking time bomb. The bomb has went off!! Agree with other teacher posters. Lack of resilience in young people, along with mentsl heatlth challenges are already being linked to teenage suicide. In our local health trust of approx 1.5 million we have 30 young people EVERY day admitted for self harm. Frightening. Agree with lots of advice re outdoors and letting children be bored. Our internet was off for several hours this afternoon and back on now till 6pm. Everyone expected in living room to be social!!

One thing I have noticed with kids this age is that they use it (along with XboxLive) to chat online with friends. Sadly the days of playing out on your own as a child have long gone - so many do it online instead. Also I noticed for my kids their friends were not local and therefore not walking distance, so meet ups had to be arranged by parents.

Would you allow your DS to have some mates round so they can play in the garden, or go to the local park?

Set a timer on his xbox for daily limit. If he does chores or takes part in family activities he earns time. Same can apply with phone he can have it at set times. I suggest this as a mother to a 12 year old boy who spent too long on his xbox and ended up smashing his TV in a rage when he lost a game. Needless to say I sold his xbox solving that part now his tablet has a timer and he only has his phone when he goes to the park or in the evening if it beeps his allowed to check it but only reply if its important until his scheduled time.

What's his sleep like?

That is huge in ADHD and behaviour.

I'd remove the Xbox to communal area and set a time limit. Everyone in the house charges tech downstairs at night. No devices in bedrooms, you included.

He will kick off. He will try a lot to get his own way. Hold firm and hold your ground.

Honestly, if not you're in for a losing battle as he gets older and more teenage. Seen it so many times and parents shrug "what can I do?" Then within a few years they have no control or impact on the kids whatsoever.

It'll pay dividends long term if you can wrestle back control of the tech now.