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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving a child alone

49 replies

Sobeyondthehills · 27/04/2019 19:28

This is very much hypothertical at the moment.

I am looking at going back to work, it would be nights. One of the jobs I was looking at would start at 8pm.

My problem is that round 2 times a month my partner doesn't get home till around 8.15pm, meaning DS 7 would be by himself for around 25/30 minutes.

DP comes from a background of having done a lot of things himself from an early age and seems to think this is fine as long as we put things in place.

I am from a world of WTF are you thinking, we both think the other one is unreasonable, especially as a maximum this would be 2 nights a month.

As I say this is a conversation at the minute, however it is one we need to have as this is going to come up.

DS is a very independent child, knows in theory what to do in an emergency, knows things like emergency numbers etc

But he is only 7 (turned 7 this month) the chances of anything happening are remote but they could, we don't really know the neighbours well enough to say could you keep an eye and its also not just based on an emergency at home, what would happen if something happened to DP on his way home.

He says its my anxiety going into overdrive but I am not comfortable with it, which in part could be my anxiety and at some point DS is going to start being left alone.

is 7 too young? Am I overthinking it?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/04/2019 19:30

7 is way too young, especially at that time of day!

Pimmsypimms · 27/04/2019 19:31

No way would I leave a 7 year old alone, even for a short time!! That's way too young!

Amanduh · 27/04/2019 19:33

Absolutely no fucking way.

BlueMerchant · 27/04/2019 19:34

I wouldn't. I think it's too young. Could you not drop him with a friend or family member on your way to work and DP pick him up from there on his way home? It's only a couple of times a month so it's not like it's a big ask really. If not is there any chance you could take him with you and your DP picks him up from your workplace?(I understand this is hugely dependant on your job).

DramaAlpaca · 27/04/2019 19:35

No, that is too young.

Nothininmenoggin · 27/04/2019 19:35

Could you ask a friend or neighbour to come round and sit with your son until his Dad comes home. If not then I think he us too young to be left alone. Hope you can get it sorted though.

LaCastafiore · 27/04/2019 19:36

depends on the child, 7 can be completely fine at that age BUT if you don't know your neighbour, he will be too isolated.

what would happen if something happened to DP on his way home.
then you go home? How likely is that anyway? If you were a single parent, it would be different, but with 2 of you it's fine.

If it's twice a month, I would beg a favour from a neighbour (ish) with kids going to same school, or ask a teenage neighbhour (elder sibling) to come until your DH comes home. Won't cost you much, won't disturb the teen too much, everybody wins.

Original poster
Sobeyondthehills · 27/04/2019 19:36

Thank you all, that is what I was thinking, we will figure a way round it and I was 99% sure I wasn't being unreasonable, DP had a very unusual upbringing, so certain of his views just need knocking on the head at times.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/04/2019 19:36

Far too young, is there anyone you could drop him with on the way to work that DH could then pick him up from?

Take him to work with you and DH collect from there?

TovaGoldCoin · 27/04/2019 19:37

It is legal, but too young. As a teacher, I would be making a safeguarding note of that, even though there is no legal minimum age. The potential for "what ifs..." is huge.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 27/04/2019 19:37

Nope, no way José. Hire a baby sitter, ask a neighbour or something, it partner finish half hour earlier

Snappedandfarted2019 · 27/04/2019 19:40

The fact you did a thread to ask is very worrying in its self.

Original poster
Sobeyondthehills · 27/04/2019 19:41

Could you ask a friend or neighbour to come round and sit with your son until his Dad comes home. If not then I think he us too young to be left alone. Hope you can get it sorted though.

They would, but for a lot of friends it would be a minimum of 30 minute round trip, which is why we were looking at different things we could do.

then you go home? How likely is that anyway? If you were a single parent, it would be different, but with 2 of you it's fine.

My issue with it, is how would I know and I would worry that DS wouldn't be able to contact me if DP was home late

If it's twice a month, I would beg a favour from a neighbour (ish) with kids going to same school, or ask a teenage neighbhour (elder sibling) to come until your DH comes home. Won't cost you much, won't disturb the teen too much, everybody wins.

We have only been here less than 6 months, so don't really know anyone properly.

However an older sibling could be a great idea. Someone has just popped into my head who might be willing. Thank you for that

OP posts:
SihtricsHorseWitnere · 27/04/2019 19:41

If it's two times a month I'd hire a babysitter and just tell him or her you'll pay them for 2 hours even if it's only for half an hour or so.

OnMyWhistle · 27/04/2019 19:42

No. Absolutely too young no matter how sensible he is.

SpinMill · 27/04/2019 19:43

Absolutely no way, far too young.

Original poster
Sobeyondthehills · 27/04/2019 19:44

The fact you did a thread to ask is very worrying in its self.

As I say its hypothetical at this stage, if I was saying I was going to have to do this, I would be worried.

OP posts:
user1480880826 · 27/04/2019 19:47

Far, far too young. Regardless of your husband’s upbringing, this is too young and the world is not the same place as it was he was 7 years old.

Also, it’s quite unreasonable of your husband to use your anxiety against you in such a way. You being a sensible and concerned parent has nothing at all to do with anxiety.

LaCastafiore · 27/04/2019 19:47

We have only been here less than 6 months, so don't really know anyone properly.
social media, local facebook group (parent and/or school) are your friends here!

Natsku · 27/04/2019 19:48

If he was comfortable with it then I would do it, it's only half an hour twice a month - a good proportion of 7 year olds where I am are left home alone for a couple of hours every week day. The only issue is it being in the evening as children can feel scared if it's dark (not an issue at this time of year but might be in the autumn/winter)

MyDcAreMarvel · 27/04/2019 19:49

Far too young, a mature 10 year old yes but not 7.

bert3400 · 27/04/2019 19:51

7 is way too young . I have a 10.5 DS and we are only leaving him for 20-30 mins to pop to the shop/dog walk. He is very sensible & independent but imagine there was an accident or fire in the house. It's not worth the risk imo

Foodylicious · 27/04/2019 19:51

Any friends he could stay overnight with?

Either that or hire a baby sitter.

LynetteScavo · 27/04/2019 19:52

He's too young.

You could advertise fur a local teenager to be with him. This is the kind of thing my teenage DC would love to do, even if it wasn't a set day, and for very little money..

If anything did happen, or Your DS told his teacher he was left alone while Mummy went to work things could get very awkward.

Hiddenaspie1973 · 27/04/2019 19:53

I'm sorry but I think that's too young. Way too young.