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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving a child alone

49 replies

Sobeyondthehills · 27/04/2019 19:28

This is very much hypothertical at the moment.

I am looking at going back to work, it would be nights. One of the jobs I was looking at would start at 8pm.

My problem is that round 2 times a month my partner doesn't get home till around 8.15pm, meaning DS 7 would be by himself for around 25/30 minutes.

DP comes from a background of having done a lot of things himself from an early age and seems to think this is fine as long as we put things in place.

I am from a world of WTF are you thinking, we both think the other one is unreasonable, especially as a maximum this would be 2 nights a month.

As I say this is a conversation at the minute, however it is one we need to have as this is going to come up.

DS is a very independent child, knows in theory what to do in an emergency, knows things like emergency numbers etc

But he is only 7 (turned 7 this month) the chances of anything happening are remote but they could, we don't really know the neighbours well enough to say could you keep an eye and its also not just based on an emergency at home, what would happen if something happened to DP on his way home.

He says its my anxiety going into overdrive but I am not comfortable with it, which in part could be my anxiety and at some point DS is going to start being left alone.

is 7 too young? Am I overthinking it?

OP posts:

Hiddenaspie1973 · 27/04/2019 19:54

And I'm not a snowflakey type if parent. I'm a little lax.

Dixiechickonhols · 27/04/2019 19:54

Just 7 is far too young. I’m pretty laid back but you’ll need to get some cover. Local teen to babysit for an hour etc.

Original poster

Sobeyondthehills · 27/04/2019 19:54

Also, it’s quite unreasonable of your husband to use your anxiety against you in such a way. You being a sensible and concerned parent has nothing at all to do with anxiety.

There is a bit of a backstory around my anxiety and DS, which is why he bought it up

social media, local facebook group (parent and/or school) are your friends here!

We are in the same area, so still have connections and in our previous place it would of been easier (could of asked the neighbours) I think the idea of a elder sibling is going to be the way to go.

If he was comfortable with it then I would do it, it's only half an hour twice a month - a good proportion of 7 year olds where I am are left home alone for a couple of hours every week day. The only issue is it being in the evening as children can feel scared if it's dark (not an issue at this time of year but might be in the autumn/winter)

We haven't asked DS' opinion on this yet, but he would probably be comfortable with it and if I let him play on the XBox probably wouldn't notice the time going past. However it is still the whole what if situation I am uncomfortable with

OP posts:

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 27/04/2019 19:55

Far too young. I’m sure if you ask a neighbour they would. I know I would if someone was stuck, it’s not as if it’s every night.

Firefliess · 27/04/2019 19:56

I used to leave DS alone for about that length of time at that age when I went out to fetch DD from nursery. He had just got in from school, didn't want to come with me, and was happy just sitting on the couch watching TV. I drilled him very clearly about not answering the door and only answering the phone if it was from me and knew how to call me on my mobile. It was fine, and I can't see any logical reason why it's not ok, but you will face judgement from other parents.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 27/04/2019 19:57

However at that age surely he’d be in bed 8 o’clock?!

Original poster

Sobeyondthehills · 27/04/2019 20:07

However at that age surely he’d be in bed 8 o’clock?!

School nights yes, weekends no BGT Saturday not a chance

OP posts:

Aprillygirl · 27/04/2019 20:41

Not ideal to leave him but I think it very much depends on your Ds op. Would he feel confident enough to be left? Are there people he could call on in an emergency? Is he the type to stay sitting engrossed in a tv programme/game or the type to wander around getting into mischief?

AnnieMay100 · 27/04/2019 20:48

Don’t risk it anything could happen god forbid you or your husband had a car accident your son would be alone all night. As it’s only two nights a month hire a babysitter or childminder to sit with him for an hour. Too many what ifs to chance it.

Drum2018 · 27/04/2019 21:09

Not a chance. Ds is 7 and I wouldn't leave him. You should easily find a willing teen to call to yours for the half hour or so.

Firefliess · 28/04/2019 00:03

I've never understood the 'you could have a car accident and child be at home alone" argument at all. Wouldn't it be better to be left home alone (even if scared) than actually out with the parent in the car having the accident?

freddiethegreat · 28/04/2019 00:25

At the school where I teach we recently realised that a 7 year old was home alone during the morning. Police were called & went straight round. A referral was made to social care - by the police. Parent turned up as police arrived & was given ‘strong words of warning’. So no, at 7 you don’t leave them.

MsTSwift · 28/04/2019 00:29

Ask locally for s sensible nearby teen

stucknoue · 28/04/2019 00:41

It's very young but does depend a bit on living arrangements, is there a neighbour who can keep a look out, a top floor flat is very different from an isolated farm too

Derpess · 28/04/2019 00:57

No way

Original poster

Sobeyondthehills · 28/04/2019 02:10

Far too young. I’m sure if you ask a neighbour they would. I know I would if someone was stuck, it’s not as if it’s every night.

Its not every night no, but it is also a commitment for 2 days a month for x amount of years, a one off, ok but its a stretch to ask someone I don't know to do

Not ideal to leave him but I think it very much depends on your Ds op. Would he feel confident enough to be left? Are there people he could call on in an emergency? Is he the type to stay sitting engrossed in a tv programme/game or the type to wander around getting into mischief?

He is a bit of both tbh, yes he could get stuck into a game or even on youtube (which brings up a lot more issues) but also if he gets bored with it, then all bets are off.

I understand this but this is not my point. My point is if my DP was in an accident then DS might be left on his own for 6 hours plus, we would have something in place such as DP would ring me to let me know he is home safe, so its unlikely that would happen, because say after an hour I would phone home and check, no answer would mean there is an issue. Or DP forgot to ring me and is having a shit

It's very young but does depend a bit on living arrangements, is there a neighbour who can keep a look out, a top floor flat is very different from an isolated farm too

We are on a second floor flat, we don't know the neighbours, but this might change and tbh I would worry that in the event of a fire DS would not know what to do and knowing him try and get the pets out

OP posts:

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 28/04/2019 06:39

Your last two posts seal it for me - all bets are off if he's bored, and he wouldn't know what to do in a fire?! Your husband is more than a little bit thick and stupid if he thinks it's okay in those circumstances. He really thinks that's okay to do?! I'd struggle to respect someone whose intelligence, and more importantly, judgment was so suspect.

Di11y · 28/04/2019 07:14

my DH was in a car accident on the way home from work and was taken to hospital. Phone destroyed. luckily he was ok enough to call me and let me know but if he wasn't or couldn't remember my number I could have been left worrying. rare but does happen. what then?

Di11y · 28/04/2019 07:41

I see you've dealt with the car crash issue, though having been there, if I got a call from my husband in the hospital it would be v stressful to then have to drive to ensure my 7yo was ok, then have to break the news.

Original poster

Sobeyondthehills · 28/04/2019 13:46

Just to clear this up, DS knows what to do in case of a fire, in theory. I am worried in practice he would try and get the animals out.

Also I have known DS to be so engrossed with playing on the xbox, I swear he could go for hours but other times he just doesn't want to know, DP is basing his opinion on the fact that DS can be engrossed for hours and not really the fact that DS can play for 10 minutes then get bored. So yes he is being a bit thick on it but its not something I would lose respect for

OP posts:

Quandary2018 · 28/04/2019 13:54

If it’s just 2 nights a month couldn’t your dp ask his work to finish a bit earlier on those nights?

NomNomNomNom · 28/04/2019 13:54

I'd find a teenage neighbour to sit with him fir a small fee. What if DH got in an accident and didn't come home? What if someone saw you leaving and tried to burgle the house?

Lucked · 28/04/2019 13:58

Can neither of you get any flexibility on start/ finish times.

Dulra · 28/04/2019 14:15

Can neither of you get any flexibility on start/ finish times.
This

7 too young imo. You say only 25/30 min but what would happen if your partner was delayed getting home? Got a puncture car crash. ...I know none of that is likely to happen but it could and there'd be a 7 year old home alone not knowing what's going on. Your partner should negotiate to leave work 30min early or you start 30min later or as others have suggested a babysitter to cover it.

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