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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding and new baby

59 replies

nononononononoyes · 27/04/2019 17:19

Hi all! After a couple of bits of advice if possible please :-)

Dh and I have been invited to a wedding in June. I'm due our first baby 12th May so realistically baby will be about 4/5 weeks old. We have been invited to the whole day. Originally we thought we were just going to be invited to the evening as although the couple are our friends they are not close close friends who we see on a regular basis. Very happy we have been invited to the full day 😊 when we thought it was just the evening we discussed it together and I said dh could just go on his own (he has known the groom since childhood but we are all now friends) then come home or stay at a hotel, the venue is about 45 mins from our house and I'll be ebf (hopefully!) and I also don't think I'll be ready to leave baby with anyone that soon.

Anyway! Now we have been invited to the day I am not really sure what to do. My first thought was fine we will all go, I'll obviously leave ceremony etc if baby is fussing/awake and then we will stay at the venue on the night so I can take baby up to bed while dh stays to party 🥳.

However two things!

baby is not mentioned on invite- it says mr and mrs nonononoyes. I think this is because she isn't born so obviously it's a bit daft to put plus unborn child 😂 but don't want to be cheeky by presuming it's okay to bring her? Is it okay to drop a quick text to the bride asking if babies are okay to come? Or will I end up on a thread here?

And 2) dh thinks taking a 4/5 week old baby to a full day wedding will be a disaster. I think she will probably sleep through most of it but haven't had a baby before so wanted some opinions :-) also if we have booked a room at the venue it means I can escape with her if/when she needs changing/feeding etc or is crying too much.

Any opinions would be great but please don't flame me too much 🙈 I know wedding threads tend to be heated! I'm not daft enough to just presume it's okay to bring baby and I'm also not the type to sit and let baby scream during the couples special moments :-)

OP posts:

Beachbodynowayready · 27/04/2019 18:07

If b&g OK with it then go and have a lovely day! All your baby will need is you!! They really don't care about surroundings as such!!

Kennehora · 27/04/2019 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnalliterativeGeorge · 27/04/2019 18:15

We took a 4 week old to an all day wedding. It was fine, everybody wanted to hold him and he slept 95% of the time. It helped that we'd told the bride and groom we'd like to come but it depended how we felt and they were fine and wouldn't have minded if we hadn't made it.
We didn't stay over though - much easier to drive the hour home again to use all the stuff in our house than have to pack it all.

abcriskringle · 27/04/2019 18:18

@Kennehora oh absolutely! She looked like a right tit in all honesty.

Kennehora · 27/04/2019 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hogwarts191 · 27/04/2019 18:29

I wouldn't have fancied it that soon after having DD personally. My DD fed pretty much all of the time at that age and each feed could last an hour at a time with very little time in between each feed. She was also very colicky and cried a lot. I guess it just depends what kind of baby you get

Pinkcat231 · 27/04/2019 18:33

Why don’t you provisionally say you’ll go if the baby’s invited but that you’ll get room service? That way you won’t have to keep getting up during the dinner (if it’s a formal one) and the bride and groom won’t have a wasted space if you don’t feel up to it?

user1474894224 · 27/04/2019 18:58

@pinkcat231 that's not a bad idea. The B&G need to know firm numbers for the meal but that way there is no pressure on you or them.

AngelaJ18 · 27/04/2019 19:07

Definitely check it’ll be okay with the bride. I had my four month old niece at my wedding, her father held her and stayed near the door so when she got fidgety he just stepped outside until she calmed.

Teddyreddy · 27/04/2019 20:03

I took DC2 to a wedding at 3 weeks old and it was fine. She was born 10 days over though - how much allowance for you going overdue have you made? I had a sling as she wanted to be held constantly - wouldn't sleep anywhere else, so don't assume you'll be able to put them down. We also spend a good chunk of the night up feeding her and pacing with her though!

I wouldn't have coped with DC1 at a similar age though - he was attached continuosly as we struggled to get breastfeeding going. Room setvice so you can play it by ear sounds like a good idea.

jcq17 · 27/04/2019 20:07

Iv got my cousins wedding on 23rd August and I'm due July 24th and we are planning on going all day but will see how we feel.

Crunchymum · 27/04/2019 20:11

Depends on what you end up with. I could have taken DC1 no trouble. DC2, no way!! DC3 was in neonatal and then tube fed so I'd have not felt comfortable taking her to a wedding at such a young age.

Do ask if baby is invited and do make sure if you accept invite, you caveat it with "if all goes as planned with birth of baby"

DinoGreen · 27/04/2019 20:51

I took my DS to my friend’s wedding when he was 5 weeks old. It was about an hour from home. Breastfeeding didn’t work out for us so he was ff and I just took plenty of bottles and ready made formula. He was an angel, slept for most of the day (including the whole of the ceremony, so no concerns about noise, but obviously I was ready to take him straight out if necessary) and was passed around during the meal so we could eat. We left about 8pm before the evening party had really kicked off, but that was more because I was tired and knew I’d be up multiple times in the night etc rather than because DS needed to go. I’d definitely ask the bride in your position and take your baby unless you really feel you can’t (baby is late, you’ve had a CS etc)

SometimesIGetNervous · 27/04/2019 20:53

I took my 4 week old to a wedding, it was fine. He slept most of the time.

HarrietM87 · 27/04/2019 20:59

I don’t think asking the bride is unreasonable, but honestly think you should just politely decline since you’re not even very close to them.

I had a straightforward birth and easy bf experience, but was totally miserable as a bridesmaid at my SIL’s wedding at 3 months post partum - felt fat in my non bf friendly dress, was constantly stressed about baby crying/being in the sun/passed round relatives like a doll, then jealous of my DH who had lots of drinks and fun whereas I had to go to bed at 8pm with the baby (although was knackered!). All these things would have been amplified if he’d been even younger.

Owlettele · 27/04/2019 21:01

We went to our best friend's wedding with a 2week old and 4 year old. 2 week old was early and was actually due the day after the wedding so we knew it might be a possibility. All was fine. Neither caused a problem. It did coincide with the start of s cluster feeding fussy baby though but there were places I could pop to feed and he'd be fine. Tbf I fed him in the wedding breakfast so I could eat my meal happily. If you are able to breastfeed then quite often it's the answer to keeping bubs calm. If you want a rest and have booked a room you can any time you want. If the bride is happy go for it.

thisismee · 27/04/2019 21:04

I took my two week old to a wedding. He was two weeks late and we had only been home from hospital a week.

Bride and groom are very good friends of ours, so really didn't want to miss their wedding . we originally planned on staying for the ceremony only . However DS was a dream all day. Breastfed and slept. Everyone loved him, we stayed right into the evening. I was exhausted the next day but it was worth it.

Louiselouie0890 · 27/04/2019 21:36

They will spend most of it asleep. I wish mine were newborns and not terrible twos when I was a bridesmaid.

HogMother · 27/04/2019 21:48

I think it’s polite to text, but if she knows when you’re due I’m sure they expect the baby to be there considering other babies will be there.
My son was 3 month at our wedding. Grandparents had him, and he slept all day.
But like others it wouldn’t be very good to confirm you’re going if actually you might not make it. Leaving an empty seat and meal they have paid for would be worse.

Sorrywhat · 27/04/2019 21:56

I took my 2 week old baby to a full day wedding. I had to be very organised. It was in the middle of the heatwave last year and my auntie having a room which was accessible to me was a life-saver. It went fairly smoothly with very little problem. Having a room would be brilliant idea for you both so you can disappear and deal with baby when needed and return after.
Be prepared a few days in advance with everything you’ll need.
Baby will mostly sleep anyway, so go for it.

Donnadon346 · 27/04/2019 22:01

I'm presuming the couple know you are expecting in which case it must be a given that you will have the baby with you - I wouldn't even ask.
Getting a room seems like a sensible option so if the baby is unsettled you can just go to the room. My baby is currently 8 weeks old and I would take him to a wedding all day

waterrat · 27/04/2019 22:04

To be honest op you won't want to go.

You will be insanely sleep deprived and focused on feeding your little newborn

A five month old as someone mentioned is completely different. You will barely have recovered from the birth and will still be up for hours each night. When tiny babies sleep you need to be resting yourself as they will then be wake at 2/3 4 am! You will not want to sit at a table making small talk.

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 27/04/2019 22:13

I took my 2 week old DS to a wedding. He was 2 weeks early and was due on the wedding day so we were last minute invitees. An old friend’s wedding, she definitely wanted us there. It was a 5 hour drive away, but took 8 hours as we had to keep stopping to feed him.

We had a lovely time. I was co-sleeping so we got a twin room as easier than us all squeezing into a double. DS pretty much slept all day and I parked myself in a quiet corner so I could feed him fairly privately.

DS was quite the star of the wedding, after the bride and groom, of course.

Original poster

nononononononoyes · 27/04/2019 22:35

Just sat and read through all these so thank you to everyone for replying :-)

Think I have been talked out of not going :-) it's not the end of the world and dh can still go on his own :-) thanks all for your advice :-)

OP posts:

Bluewall · 27/04/2019 22:58

If you are planning to go I would start looking at outfits for your self as it is hard to find wedding outfits you can breastfeed in ! Most nursing dresses are maternity dresses which are so unflattering when you are post baby (and feeling self conscious about your body!)

There is a Facebook page called Can I breastfeed in it UK where people share non breastfeeding outfits that work for feeding ie a 2 piece skirt and top or dress that can pull aside etc

We took our 2nd to a wedding when he was 6 weeks (left the toddler with GPs) he mainly slept and fed and got lots of cuddles. We also took him to a 39th birthday at about 3 weeks and he cluster fed for the whole thing and i spent the whole party in a bedroom feeding him and got a bit lonely and felt left out and a bit down.

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