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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it normal to want to leave your partner on a regular basis!

38 replies

breadmix · 27/04/2019 13:25

Primarily when I'm angry/ frustrated at him I get such a s trying urge to want to leave him.

We've had a few very tough times during which I was literally packing my bags but have worked things out but I think part of me just wishes that I had just walked away.

I don't know what advice I'm looking for but can't help but feel that something isn't really right.

OP posts:
opinionminion · 27/04/2019 13:30

Me ! I've packed my car at least half a dozen times ... said my goodbyes and driven off 'for good' then end up returning a few hours later with my tail between my legs !
I did leave for a week a few months ago, but came back.
I have good enough reason to leave but there is something that stops me doing it forever.
I've begun to realise it's because I truly love him and honestly cannot imagine my life without him in it.
I feel your pain.

Floralhousecoat · 27/04/2019 13:30

It's sometimes difficult to see the wood for the trees. Sounds like you need some time on your own.
Would taking a breather and a break from each other in an amicable way with a view to working on your joint issues be possible?

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 27/04/2019 13:33

No I don't think it is. Even when I've had arguments with my DH I've never even once thought about leaving and if he had walked out on me I would have been devastated. I think if you really love someone you can get over things without leaving.

HollowTalk · 27/04/2019 13:33

I agree - try to get some time away from him to think about things clearly. If you feel things aren't right, then you should trust your judgement.

Original poster
breadmix · 27/04/2019 13:34

opinionminion oh Im glad it's not just me!

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Original poster
breadmix · 27/04/2019 13:34

Yes I think some time away would definitely do me some good but I can't as we have kids and I can't just leave for a week or two

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PtolemyTalks · 27/04/2019 13:35

I regularly google houses I can afford on my own....usually around the time of my period. Get my period and decide he’s ok after all. But he’s a nice guy and I love him. We’ve had s really tough three years out of 12....

If there’s something else going on might be worth getting advice.

acalmerfuture · 27/04/2019 13:36

but I think part of me just wishes that I had just walked away

See, I REALLY wish I had listened to the part of me that wanted to walk away years ago, before we had kids and it got so much more messy and complicated to do so. If you are still feeling like this, and you are, then you haven't really worked things out. You know that something is still wrong, but maybe not wrong but just that you don't want to be with this person enough.

I'm sorry but I really don't think it is a good sign that you are feeling like this.

SoyDora · 27/04/2019 13:36

We’ve been together 10 years, married 7 and never thought about leaving. We have our ups and downs of course, but leaving him has never been on my radar.
I think you need to take some time away to think about what you actually want.

Original poster
breadmix · 27/04/2019 13:38

PtolemyTalks I do this with rental properties! I've had 2 years ok in 12 years. It's been hard going most of the time. We always have some issue or another and it affects our relationship.

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Easterbunnyhashoppedoff · 27/04/2019 13:39

Leave? Stuff that, shove him out!! Consider it on a regular basis!!
Grin

PregnantSea · 27/04/2019 13:41

I think it's not normal in the sense that it's a sign the relationship isn't working, but normal in the sense that it's so common.

In previous relationships when I have felt like this it's always been because something wasn't right. I don't feel this way with my DH and we've been together for 8 years now. During the first 6 months of our relationship there was a really big fight where I considered leaving him but I didn't go through with it and I'm very glad. I've never felt that way since.

Original poster
breadmix · 27/04/2019 13:41

The thing is we had a beruby rubbish start so I've always felt that the foundations of the relationship aren't that strong. He really really hurt me at the beginning for a good few years and part of me really can't forgive him for it. And though he is not like that anymore I just think it's all too little too late. It has affected me massively in how I feel about him. He comments that he loves me more than I do him and he's right.

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acalmerfuture · 27/04/2019 13:41

I do this with rental properties! I've had 2 years ok in 12 years. It's been hard going most of the time. We always have some issue or another and it affects our relationship

What has stopped you from leaving? (genuine question - I know life is often harder than the just LTB line)

I wish I had left before I got the point of losing all liking, respect or trust for my ex.

QueenBeex · 27/04/2019 13:44

I've had 2 years ok in 12 years

Fuck that, id leave for good.

Original poster
breadmix · 27/04/2019 13:44

What has stopped me leaving?
Money.

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Original poster
breadmix · 27/04/2019 13:45

I've been a sahm for nearly 8 years and have no career. I would only be able to find nmw jobs and I would struggle so much renting and providing for my kids.

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ItsAllOkay · 27/04/2019 13:46

I don't think it's a sign of a healthy relationship.

Can you have some time apart?

Dontcarewhatimdoing · 27/04/2019 13:46

I think if you are wanting to leave regularly then it is probably a sign that you should. In 16 years I have never wanted to leave DH, wanted to throttle him a few times, but not leave him.

FraggleRocking · 27/04/2019 13:47

I’m really sorry but no, I don’t consider this to be normal. We’ve had some tough times too but I suppose everyone is different and copes accordingly.

acalmerfuture · 27/04/2019 13:47

So if you are staying with your DH, could you use having him around to enable you to study and train so you can build a career? Then at least you will be building to have the option to leave if you want to - even if it is a long time in the future - even if it is when the kids have left home.

Original poster
breadmix · 27/04/2019 13:48

I don't know how to have time apart. What do ppl do? Genuine stupid question.

He works. I am a sahm. How can I leave the kids. Or he leave?

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acalmerfuture · 27/04/2019 13:51

Do you have an active life outside the home - your own hobbies and interests/ things you are learning to do? I think that is really helpful - it helps with living with the stress of sharing a house with someone you don't like anymore, if you have a life outside of them. Weekends or overnight trips to see friends in other parts of the country if you have them?

acalmerfuture · 27/04/2019 13:54

Just noticed you call him your partner - are you married?

Original poster
breadmix · 27/04/2019 13:55

No I don't. I am responsible for everything and get no time for myself on weekends or evenings.

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