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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it normal to want to leave your partner on a regular basis!

38 replies

breadmix · 27/04/2019 13:25

Primarily when I'm angry/ frustrated at him I get such a s trying urge to want to leave him.

We've had a few very tough times during which I was literally packing my bags but have worked things out but I think part of me just wishes that I had just walked away.

I don't know what advice I'm looking for but can't help but feel that something isn't really right.

OP posts:

acalmerfuture · 27/04/2019 14:00

Does he make you responsible for everything?

It's really not on that you get no free time. You don't become a 24/7 worker when you become a SAHM - you still need time off. He needs to help out domestically and with kids too. What would happen if you found interests/ hobbies and told him you were going out at those times?

I can see why he loves you more than you love him - he gets a lot more out of this relationship than you.

Do you have friends?

Iris1654 · 27/04/2019 14:01

If you can work 16 hours, you would be able to claim benefits....when you leave him.

Thunderspuds · 27/04/2019 14:01

Some times I think about living in a caravan in a field with just me and the dog. It's when the kids are driving me nuts and my partner is being arsey about something and I think, "fuck 'em all". I don't act on it though and love them all dearly 95% of the time!

One thing with me though is that I had a very emotionally abusive father and as a result really cannot cope with conflict at all and my instinct is always to run away and hide, so maybe this contributes to my fleeting fantasies of caravan/dog/Netflix solitude.

Branleuse · 27/04/2019 14:05

I used to quite a lot, until I got a period tracking app, and now I realise that it was mainly when I was premenstrual, so I now get alert when its due, so I know not to dump him

NannyRed · 27/04/2019 14:08

No. It’s not normal

You don’t seem to be in a healthy, loving relationship.

I remember running up the high street in my bare feet when I was in the wrong relationship.
Trust your instincts, leave.

Peachesandcream14 · 27/04/2019 14:10

It sounds like you're not leaving because you're financially trapped, not because your relationship is worth staying in. Take some steps now to be more independent and then see how you feel, once I started working I realised how much better my life would be without my now ex. It's not easy, but it is far easier than dealing with his horrid behaviour 24/7. Being a SAHM is massively difficult and also massively risky if you're not married, I know I won't be making that mistake again.

Di11y · 27/04/2019 14:12

well unless he works 7 days, you inform him you need some time and you'll be leaving at x time on Saturday and returning that evening/Sunday in a couple of weeks. then do it (hopefully no little dependant babies)

Poivrotte · 27/04/2019 14:23

I did think of leaving more than once - married 17 years, 3 kids (1st within 2 years of the beginning of the relationship). It was really hard the 1st 15 years but now we are really happy, we really like each other and we have more time for each other now than the kids are less dependant, plus money is good, sex is great, we have projects together ... I may sound cheesy but I think if deep down you still love each other there is hope.

eggsandwich · 27/04/2019 14:26

No its not normal.

I was once engaged to a man who’s mum kept doing this, in fact when we first started dating his mum wasn’t on the scene, then one day she turned up like nothing had happened was around for about six months, fiancé would go to work, come home and she would be gone again.

It really affected my fiancé’s ability to understand that thats not a normal thing to do and he even kept splitting up with me for no reason and then want to come back like nothing had happened.

I remember when we finally split up his mum rang me to ask for my engagement ring back which annoyed me at the time and I said to her why do you keep walking out and coming back do you actually tell your children why your going as each time you do this you screw your son up just a little bit more where he thinks this is how you conduct a normal relationship. No answer was given she was a bit shocked that that I asked her I think.

If you’ve not got children and you want to play these games then fine, but if you’ve got children you will inevitably screw them up by keep leaving.

acalmerfuture · 27/04/2019 14:26

You sound unhappy OP. As in my previous posts, I really think you need to try to build a life for yourself outside this marriage, both doing something you enjoy, and looking at training/ education/ volunteering to get you back into work. You sound like you need to look at leaving this relationship either in the short or long term.
If your partner would be resistant or unhelpful to you building up a life outside the home you could be in a controlling relationship and perhaps women's aid could give you some advice.
I hope you can work something out.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 27/04/2019 14:28

No.

Even when we argue I am hyper aware of not saying something really hurtful that I would regret later. We have an unwritten rule that we try and sort out any disagreements before we go to bed rather then let stuff fester for days.

Never ever considered leaving in our 12 years together.

acalmerfuture · 27/04/2019 14:30

If you’ve not got children and you want to play these games then fine, but if you’ve got children you will inevitably screw them up by keep leaving

OP isn't playing a game - she is talking about a permanent leave from an unhappy relationship.

eggsandwich · 27/04/2019 14:36

acalmerfuture

Thanks for clarifying the situation

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