To think teaching your LO to self soothe is akin to torture?

[user1494599350]

For us as parents really, although for LO in a way as well!

I know it's an important lesson and will help everyone in the long run but honestly, it's breaking me and I'm only on day 6. Think I might start taking a hip flask to bed

LG doesn't cry very much but is very unsettled in the night and looking for attention. Lying there listening to her and not being able to sleep myself - that's the torture right there.

Good job she's cute.

🤦🏻‍♀️

OP is not sleep training, she’s just giving her baby a chance to go to sleep on her own rather than feeding or rocking her to sleep! At no point has she said she is leaving the baby to cry or trying to get her to night wean/sleep through.

OP you will get more sensible responses in the sleep forum. I still feed my 5mo to sleep as he won’t settle if put down awake. However he will stir in the night every couple of hours and wriggle/grunt a bit. If I don’t pick him up he will settle himself back to sleep after about 5-10 minutes. I know if he’s hungry because he wakes up fully and starts to cry.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to give your baby time to self settle as long as they are not distressed but don’t torture yourself if it’s not happening. All babies are different and some get the hang of it more easily than others.

OP you're doing nothing wrong! I think i get what you're saying-that it would be easier to pick your Dd up whenever she makes a murmur instead of you lying there wide awake (but exhausted) wondering whether she will nod off or start screaming her head off? Which if the latter I'm sure you would pick her up and soothe her. You're doing a great job,keep it up,it'll be worth it in the long run

I think people need to calm down a bit....?

Actual "controlled crying" is not usually recommended till about 6mo, but the OP is not doing this, as far as I can tell.

She is backing off and allowing a bit of grizzling here and there as the baby falls asleep. When babies are tired, they get grumpy and fuss a bit. Sometimes just giving them some space here and there is the kindest thing to do, and also gives them the tools for getting themselves back to sleep in the middle of the night.

I started doing this by degrees from when my baby was even younger than this. It helps the baby gradually get better at settling themselves in the night. It does not qualify as "sleep training" in my book.

I suppose hard-core attachment-parenting types who won't allow any fussing ever might have a problem with it, but then since hard-core attachment-parenting types generally seem to end up with children who keep them awake all night long for years on end, I'm not really inclined to listen to their views.

So do some PP rush to pick up their baby as soon as it makes any noise, whether it be a cry or a contented gurgle, and do they never put their baby down unless they are fast asleep?

Yup, as any sleep consultant will tell you, a lot of people really do do this. It's not a great idea. I agree with a pp that the op will get saner responses if she posts on the Sleep forum.

OP has changed her story following criticism.
doesn't cry very much but is very unsettled in the night and looking for attention
So, does cry then, and is being ignored. For a 4 month old that's neglectful, regardless of your views on later sleep training. The baby isn't manipulative, she's following her instinct to ask for mummy when she needs help. That's why the OP has been criticised and why she ought to get some help with understanding appropriate care strategies for different ages of child.

OP has definitely changed her posts. Allowing a baby to grumble for 10 minutes wouldn’t “break” someone and an important lesson to learn.

Everyone parents differently, all four of my babies slept with me and breastfed on demand until well after a year. I was never a sleep deprived mother, didn’t know what these people were on about. I slept with DD1 she grumbled she got fed and we both fell back asleep. I have a friend who told me she put her baby in the utility room, in their peak and went to bed with headphones on!