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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu ? Will I lose my job before I’ve even started ???

68 replies

Lmh120108 · 26/04/2019 22:15

First time poster so I may waffle on, but I’m sat here with no idea what to do?!
Okay, so, i have two DC , aged 3 and 11 and have been a SAHM, wasn’t looking for work but my absolute dream job popped up , I thought I’d apply - never actually thinking I’d be shortlisted for interview let alone be successful !! Here’s the problem..
hours weren’t really discussed at the interview in too much detail. Just that it was 23 hrs per week, and that the shifts can be split over 2 long shifts, or 3 shorter shifts. Tbh I thought the interview went so badly (ridiculously nervous - I’m never usually nervous but because this job means so so much to me, and because I’d been waiting for this position for over a year , I think I was just overwhelmed!)
Anyway. I get the call a couple of hours later and to my absolute amazement I’ve been offered the job - only for the manager to drop the bombshell that shifts start at 7:30am. My DS doesn’t start nursery until 9 and my daughter doesn’t leave for school until 8:15. No breakfast clubs / morning sessions available until September now (I’ve just missed out on this term and there’s waiting lists for the rest!) so the only other option is my mum, who doesn’t drive so I would have to go and pick her up and bring her to mine (to be within bus/walking distance for kids school drop offs) and then leave for work all before 7am - which is absolutely not fair on the kids to be dragging them across town before they’ve even opened their eyes properly!

So... How, or even should I dare to mention to the ward manager that it’s too early for me to start? It would be easier for me as a single parent to get there even 8:15 would be less frantic!
I haven’t signed contracts etc yet, as I’m waiting for all the paperwork to be sorted (dbs checks) etc .. this is my dream job and I don’t want to mess it all up before I’ve even got there! But I really am worrying that I will just constantly be late/rushed and as it’s in a neonatal care ward it’s important for my to be calm and professional and on time confused
Will I risk my job!? Will she retract the offer? Aaaaaahhhh!!

Can I also just say, I am not comfortable, nor am I in a financial position to pay for child minders/nannys and my children have point blank made this crystal clear!

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 26/04/2019 22:51

2 days I drop my dd off with my mum at 7am as i start at 7:30am.

3 days she starts at nursery at 7:30 so i can start at 8.

BummyKnocker · 26/04/2019 22:53

Ask their Dad how he will help?

As a childminder I'm confounded by Mums turning themselves in knots about childcare while the dads pretend its nowt to do with them.

optimisticpessimist01 · 26/04/2019 22:54

Yes I had to do this. Both DH and I are teachers, my parents are incredible and, luckily for us, during the Easter Holidays when DC's holidays were different to DH and mine due to a different local authority, they offered to have them sleep over at theirs a few nights over the two weeks to make things easier for us for a few days.

It's really not that long until July when the Summer Holidays start, you can make it work for a few months for your dream job. You may never get this opportunity again

blackcat86 · 26/04/2019 22:57

Its absolutely possible OP. DD will be at PILs for 7:30am when I go back to work. She'll have had a bottle, maybe breakfast but will still be in her pjs. They are fully prepared for this and happy with it because they know I'll be rushing to get to work in no doubt shit traffic and no parking. If I'm having an out in the field day then it could be even earlier. I would find a way to make it work but equally the hospital have been flexible with your colleagues shift pattern so it doesn't hurt to point out that even the normal pattern or something else adjusted would work better for you if possible

CheekyWeeGobshite · 26/04/2019 22:57

It takes forever to get a start date for this kind of thing and there's often only one week a month when they do induction. Often induction courses run 9-5 for the first week too. So it could easily be June or even July before you start properly, so not long until the holidays anyway. You'll probably only have a few weeks where it's difficult, so try and muddle through until then.

Flamingnora123 · 26/04/2019 22:59

If your mum's offered to stay over the night before or get a taxi, take her up on it. It's not "only a job", it's your independence and something you're clearly excited and proud about.
My mum looks after my niece from 7am once a week and drives 90 mins to do it. Your mum sounds similarly supportive - appreciate her and accept her help, plenty of people don't have such a lovely mum :)

user1511042793 · 26/04/2019 23:00

Ask. It’s unlikely as they would all need to stop to give you handover. There isn’t time for that on the wards. But ask you won’t know till you do.

Hohofortherobbers · 26/04/2019 23:00

It's only till Sept, ask your dm to sleep over, she has offered

MidniteScribbler · 26/04/2019 23:01

You say you a SAHM, but are you a single parent? You don't mention the DC's other parent in all of this? Is he able to change his work hours a couple of days a week, or take the children for an extra night so he does drop offs in the morning until September?

If he's not around, and you can get care from September, and your mum is willing, then just deal with it for a few months (as you say, there's school holidays in there anyway). If your mum could sleep over twice a week, that would seem like the best situation.

If I was retired, I'd have no hesitation in helping my child (or daughter in law) out like this for a few months if it meant helping them get back into the workforce.

LittleMsM · 26/04/2019 23:02

Congratulations on getting the job!
You've got some time to think through your options - It sounds unlikely that this job would have been in school hours only - but a start that early almost depends on having another adult in the house, to help out. I would ask them about flexibility on hours - as it is not a full time role and it doesn't seem to have been mentioned in the advert nor interview, the actual hours, they are making a massive assumption that someone can attend these times. How long will it take you to get to the job from home or nursery or school? I don't see why you couldn't start later if the job could be done over 2 long days instead or 3, but you would probably have to do 3 days and start say at 9:30 - finished at 5.40 pm (30 min lunch break) but do you have a way to cover that side of the day? - I think you'll be pretty hard pushed to find before school clubs/ nurseries/childminders that start before 7:30, even in September - so either they can be flexible or you can't accept the job, unless your mum can help out. It's tricky isn't it! I start work at 7:45 at a work place 40 mins away (with good traffic) and the earliest drop offs round our way is 7:30 - so without my husband who has more flexible hours - I wouldn't be able to do this, in fact he's always done the drop offs, and for this reason, because even if I started work later max 8:15 the traffic is worse then and it only gives me ten minutes more at home.

Toddlerteaplease · 26/04/2019 23:03

Nurseries near hospitals tend to open earlier for nurses. Ours open at 6.30. As we start at 7. As a PP has said you'll have to be there for handover.

LavaLampLover · 26/04/2019 23:05

If I was in your position and my mum was willing like yours sounds, then I'd go for it and have her stay over during termtime til September because it's not forever. My mum has gone above and beyond over the last twelve months, with my kids for me, and helping me at home. I try not to ask too much of her since we got settled in our own place here, but she would do the same again if it was necessary. It's only til Sept.

Leavethemlaughing · 26/04/2019 23:07

If your mum can stay over it sounds very manageable.

Something to bear in mind... If you are claiming benefits and take the job you might find it difficult if it didn't work out and you had to leave.

Long term...how early is breakfast club? My DCs breakfast club doesn't start until 7.45 so no good for a 7.30 start.

OllyBJolly · 26/04/2019 23:15

I used to pay an older teen to come to the house for 7, make sure DCs were up, dressed,fed and she would take them to childminders at 8.

SmallAndFarAway · 26/04/2019 23:20

Why can't your husband start later on those days?

Fifthtimelucky · 26/04/2019 23:21

I wouldn't allow an 11 year old and a 3 year old to dictate that a childminder was not an option. I think my children would have preferred not to go to a childminder, but with no family nearby, that's what they had to do if I was going to work.

It would only be an hour or two, 2 or 3 hours a week.

Affording it is another matter of course, but you will be working now so presumably will be better off as a result.

woodcutbirds · 26/04/2019 23:21

I was going to suggest what @OllyBJolly suggested. Get a reliable local teenager to do it. They come to your house, feed your kids, get them dressed and to school. That or a local retired person who wants a bit of extra money and is an early riser.

LadyPoldark · 26/04/2019 23:29

She has said she is a single parent.
Your mum had offered to stay over, so stop worrying ,thank her, accept the help, pat yourself on the back and enjoy your new job.

Original poster
Lmh120108 · 26/04/2019 23:32

I am a single parent, and yes on benefits atm. I’ll only be better off by about 90 quid a week. But it’s 90 pounds more than what I have now! So better off yes. Not massively tho.
It’s about more than the money tho. My son spent time on this ward as a newborn and has been in/out of hospital for the first two years.

As someone has previously said, it’s not about being dictated to by my kids. Above and beyond anything, my children and their thoughts and feelings will always be taken into consideration and be my number 1 priority.

It’s not even a guarantee about a placement for breakfast club. Buttttt, if I really do struggle, after 6 months or so is their not a rule for flexible working hrs?

OP posts:
SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 26/04/2019 23:35

I’m assuming you are going to be needed for handover. Can you mum sleep at yours the night before?

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 26/04/2019 23:37

There is flexible working and then there is the needs of the business. If it’s handover you are needed at because of patient care this will trump your later starting. Sorry

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 26/04/2019 23:44

I am a Ward Manager... you cant start later.

You can request flexible working- but the needs of the business come first .

And this business is healthcare and safety is paramount.

You would be leaving the ward short - night staff are not going to stay on extra time to cover until you get there.

The NHS is so skeletally short staffed shifts have to be covered at the correct times .

If somebody died because the staffing numbers were low because the WM had agreed you could start late it would look very poor .

CharlotteFlax · 26/04/2019 23:44

It sounds like the kind of role that is daytime only so perhaps no morning handover, plus you mention a colleague starting earlier so if there is a handover they could do it.

It's definitely worth asking the ward manager if you can start after 9am (might as well go in with the best possible outcome for you) and negotiate from there if necessary. If it's an outright no then you can start making arrangements with your mum sleeping over etc. No need to be worrying about losing your job before starting!

CJsGoldfish · 26/04/2019 23:47

I wouldn't ask. I'd have your mum sleep over on the days you work as she has offered to do.
Whilst there should be no harm in asking, in reality that is often not the case and I wouldn't risk it.

Toms0909 · 26/04/2019 23:47

Sorry OP but flexible working is only the right to request it, not to be granted it. Legally, Flexible working should be granted to parents if business need allows. That would never apply to ward work. Ward work is usually is 24hrs split into three. The ward doesn't cease to exist for an hour or so while they wait for you to do the school run. You'll need to arrange childcare. If you want family friendly working hours you need to consider something that doesn't have to run to a 'real life' timetable, a job where 'as long as the work gets done (that day) it's done'. But that would be more of a business support or med sec field than on the ward.