What's a reasonable thing to reply?

[ItsAllOkay]

I'll try and keep this short.

After 4 years of trying to start a family, DH and I have been told we are infertile (literally couldn't be worse, issues are both of us) and there are zero options.

I'm coming to terms with this. It is what it is.

My AIBU - what is a reasonable thing to say when I get asked 'so when are you finally going to have kids?' by well-meaning family?

So far I've been batting the comments off with 'oh, one day!' but now I know it's not happening, I'm sensitive to it. Is that my problem and I should just suck it up?

What can I reply to questions like the above that won't evoke comments like 'have you tried X, Y or Z?' or 'sympathetic' head tilts?

"Mind your own business' is a good response to anyone and everyone who asks impertinent questions about your private life!

Agree with @SandandSea s approach. Ask a nice trusted relative to break your hard news to others and request respect and privacy - NO Spanish Inquisition thankyou. @Apollos story is v inspiring. Parenthood is sooo much more if anything to do with a continuing of our personal genes. Good luck!

I would be honest. “We’d love to have children, we’ve tried everything but it’s not going to happen for us.” That’s all that’s needed. No need to be chippy or passive aggressive. If you don’t want to further it just change the subject.

Personally I wouldn’t dream of asking you about it and certainly wouldn’t further it unless you’re wanted to talk about it. I guess some are just nosy or tactless. Hopefully most people are kind once they know what’s going on.

Yes, it personally and no, it’s nobody’s business but yours. But really, it’s life - people are curious about each other. Reacting badly every time it’s mentioned will only make you feel worse, not better.

i hate that-it noones business why

i didnt want children but still got all the so whens your turn etc-i just said i dont want them and they looked embarrassed and changed the subject

I thinj honesty is best. I like the idea of being blunt. Have you heard about gateway for women in your situation? There are meet ups and seminars. [[https://gateway-women.com/]]

My response would be “well, brilliantly it turns out that we’re both infertile so you know sarcastic double thumbs up go team bombsite”

I do think the idea of asking a few people to spread the word is good though, if you can be honest enough to brief them thoroughly and they can be trusted to convey the info that you do NOT want the issue raised

You could just say "That's our business, to be honest..." (served with or without a smile depending on how generous you are feeling towards them).

This question is so rude. I’ve been asked twice this week when I’m going to have a baby. The only response is:

‘Not this afternoon no’ accompanied by hard stare.

Definitely honesty.
Sometimes, you want to keep your own business to yourself, but I actually think most of the time it’s about saving the asker awkwardness. And why the fuck should you?

Before my IVF daughter was born my usual answer to “so when are you going to have a baby?” was “I don’t know - I had a late miscarriage last year and now we’re saving for more IVF, but I don’t know how long it will take to save £5K and whether I can afford to spend it with low chance of success”.

We were very lucky, and when we then moved into the stage of “when are you giving him a sibling?” I’d reply “he took £5K, a late miscarriage and 5 years - I can’t afford that again”.

All said very politely (and it didn’t upset me to say it). Sure as hell made vague acquaintances stare at their feet and not know how to respond though

I’m sorry you’re going through this, and wish you strength, not pineapples

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I couldn't have any more after dd, it would have been a life risking decision even taking a pregnancy into 2nd trimester for me.

I've gone with blunt but polite honesty mostly.

"I'd have loved more it wasn't possible unfortunately"

But if they pressed the issue become blunter

"Because I didn't think dying was a good option"

I do think if you have someone you can trust to clearly, accurately and assertively inform others and make it clear you don't want to discuss it that sounds a good option.

I've a few friends/family in same position and honesty has been their choice too.