To be suspicious of DP and colleague?

[HormonalH]

NC for obvious reasons and apologies in advance for a long post but wanted to make sure I provide all the information.

So DP recently mentioned, in passing, a female colleague a few weeks ago, this was interesting as DPs industry is primarily male dominated.

A few days ago, our LG wasn’t very well and needed to go to the doctors so I texted DP asking him to be home on time to accompany us. DP has no problem with this and comes home. Afterwards he explains that he feels bad for leaving a colleague who needed his help.

He explained that the female colleague needed his help with some manual labour as she was too ‘tiny’ to do it and she’d asked if he could help. Fair enough, DP is a team player and always helpful.

Today, DP mentioned he needed to go to a night out for a colleague of his that is leaving their department, he explained he had completely forgot but that he wouldn’t be home late so as to help with our newborn LG. He says it’s local and his boss is going to call with the details.

queue phonecall, however, I can hear the voice on the phone is female and definitely not DPs boss. After the call has ended i asked DP who it was and he explained it was his female colleague and that the night out is no longer local, instead about an hour away.

I say I’d prefer if he stayed to help with LG and asked colleagues name. He supplied first name only. I said what about second name to which he replied ‘I don’t know’.

I said ‘ooh are you going on a date with a pretty lady?’ Completely joking and he laughed saying no. I said is she pretty though and his face faltered, I pushed, and he replied she’s ‘average’. Now, I know I shouldn’t have pushed for more info but did and then pushed for her surname which he found for me.

After searching for her on Social Media I found her Instagram and realised DP follows her, so most definitely does know her surname.

Asked him about this and he had no response. I carried on with I know you think she’s pretty and that’s ok, I know you too well for you to lie so why lie about the surname? He mumbled and wasn’t sure what to say.

I left it at that but he’s suddenly become very clingy. I’m a little off as although it’s fine for him to find other girls pretty, I’m still a little hormonal from having a baby and my body is still s little battered, so it does make me a little sad.

AIBU to be suspicious? Please help, I’m a little hormonal and my self esteem isn’t great right now.

Please no suggestions that DP is cheating as I know he would never do that to me.

And a medal to anyone who made it to the end of the thread!

The only thing I'm getting from your post is your DP has a female colleague. The Instagram thing is a bit weird but I definitely still forget people's last names even if I at one point connected with them on social media so maybe it's that. Heck I forget people's first names sometimes.

Doesn't scream suspicious to me in my opinion at this point, but I am also one of those women in a male dominated workplace. Sometimes I have to communicate with male colleagues outside of work for work purposes and it's always as innocent as that (for me).

Congratulations on baby. Sounds like they both have a great dad. You're doing well, keep going 👍
Maybe arrange a weekend walk? Picnic? Go spend some time as a family, you both deserve it. Stop worrying and enjoy life😙 x

Why would plans change for a leaving do with a large number of people (I presume) at the last minute to somewhere an hour away! Did they go for a meal or just drinks? I'd be suspicious

All the pushing from you would drive me mental if I were him! You either trust him or you don’t. If you do then leave him be. Stop with the bunny boiler routine!

You sound paranoid and insecure.

zombie thread

Two sides to this problem. One sexual/relationship related, the other job related.
As a male who worked for years with about 8 other attractive female colleagues, (my mates in other faculties were dead jealous) I made sure that my OH knew at all times what was going on. I would communicate with her about new members of staff, she would meet them at staff dos and other places where we all congregated. In short, I made it clear to her that nothing was ever going on. I never lied, as I had nothing to lie about, in fact I never behaved like OP's OH. In fact it was she who told me that certain colleagues fancied me, (me being a typical blind male hadn't noticed.) So one answer is, he needs to be open about all this. If he isn't, he is hiding something. It may just be a crush, but, if she is willing, it may turn into something you don't want. So I suggest you tell him you are worried and that it is down to his suspicious behaviour.
If he has nothing to hide then, out with it. But if he really does care for you and wants to keep his relationship with you on the up and up he needs to clean his act up and be professional in his rels with colleagues.
Quite apart from anything else it could backfire and jeopardise his career. Last thing you"ll be worried about perhaps, but imagine if she decides she doesn't want his attentions? Or if she doesn't get his attention and makes a lying complaint just to spite him? He should make sure he is never alone with her if at all possible. I get the impression she is egging him on a bit, all the "helpless female" act, needing a strong male to do some heavy lifting, oh yeah? If she wants to get him own his/her own there is something in the air, and it ain't pollen.
Keep him close and talk o him about it all. It may just be a bit of a fantasy thing on his behalf, but you need to be sure for your own peace of mind. If he stays calm and doesn't respond, with luck, she'll move onto some one else and things will die down. You are lucky to be aware of things so early on . Many blokes go a lot further down the line and get away with it before their OH's find out and then it is often too late!

I would be totally suspicious sorry. I thought my husband was faithful until he wasnt' . He lying to you and you know it. He keeps changing his story doesn't know her surname.... the clues are there. It might not be an affair yet but if you don't knock it on the head it might become one.