Police giving me the runaround

[IZIAH]

About 6 weeks ago I made a Clare's Law request re my abusive ex. Was told it would take 10-15 days. I called after 3 weeks and was told it hadn't been started yet. That they'd chase and they'd get someone to contact me from their DV team within 2 days. Never heard back from them. Called them again to chase. They apologised and said someone would contact me soon. Nothing. Phoned on Sunday to ask what was going on and the lady apologised and sent an email to whoever was doing it to ensure it was done in the next couple of days. Phoned again today. Lady was rude and told me she wouldn't know who to ask about this and that it can take 28 days (it's pushing on 7 weeks now).

I've recently discovered that my ex was abusive to his ex. Physically and mentally. My son is not having contact with him and I am tired of being told a DV specialist officer is going to come and see me. If they're not then fine but don't tell me they're coming when they have no intention of!

This has been going on for weeks now. 6 weeks ago I was told an officer from their DV team was going to come round and speak to me about what I've been through.

They don't give a shit do they? Should I just give up?

They do give a shit, that's very unfair. Their priority is women in immediate danger who's lives are at risk. They have shoestring resources.

@Hollowvictory I should've included that I told them my ex has made threats towards me (hence the Clare's Law and contact with his ex). He told me things are going to end badly for me if I don't do what he wants. He's horrid, and I'm scared. I don't feel safe.

You can complain, no idea of course who your local police force is but if I google mine, there is a complaints section on the website in a drop down box.

As with anything , calls are prioritised according to need. You are not in immediate danger, others may be, they will be prioritised over you. Last time I had a moan, it took them 10 days to come out and have a word with a neighbour.

Sounds a bit crap OP.

Suggest two things

1. Ring 101 every time something new happens so thry have a good picture of current risk

1. You could write to your police and crime commissioner and ask them to help. They cannot get involved in operational matters but they will contact the team and ask for an update on this which will spur them into action if they are indeed being negligent.

I would've thought that my ex saying 'if you don't start complying things are going to end badly for you' paired with his violent past and the fact I've just left him would make me fairly high risk.

I'm going out of my mind. I don't sleep at night. It's awful.

Some give a shit, some don't.

Have you written to them to request a response? I don't know if that would carry more weight?

I'm sorry you're having to wait and stress levels are rising because of it. Cuts probably do mean they have to prioritise emergency cases. Or at least that was what they said when my young teenage DSD was jumped and beaten up by an adult male last week. It felt very much like they didn't give a shit, because we've not seen them. No statement, no follow up, nothing. The call we made is the only contact we've had.

@InTheHeatofLisbon sorry your daughter experienced that. How bloody awful for you both

I wouldn't mind if they just told me the truth. But telling me I'll hear in 2 days, I'll hear tomorrow, someone will call round to see you in the next couple of days etc then nothing... surely that's not right.

Last time I had a moan

OP isn't having a moan. She's trying to find information the police hold to see how best to protect herself and her child from a violent man.

Dismissing it as "having a moan" is really not on.

IZIAH thanks, I am too. She staying with us for now until we can ensure she'll be safe at her mum's house (we live in a different LA) because this man is well known and a scumbag.

You're right, it isn't right. You should be told when you will hear, and not fobbed off.

@InTheHeat - oh so sorry , do excuse me for actually using a personal experience - please do direct me to the do's and don't laid down by the almighty of MN which stipulates what I may talk about ? wont hold my breath

My complaint isn't that they haven't been to see me. If they aren't going to come and see me then fine. Telling me someone will be round to see me in 48 hours, numerous times and just not turning up isn't on. If they don't have the resources they should be honest about it. Horrific some of the things people experience. Surely I still deserve to be treated with honesty having had threats made to me by a violent man who I've just left and am terrified of.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking a personal experience you describe as "having a moan" which is not relevant to what OP is saying. She's not "having a moan", she's afraid and with good reason from the sounds of it.

But you carry on telling someone trying to do what literally everyone on MN tells women to do in order to protect themselves from scumbags, that's she's just "having a moan"

No rules and regulations, I fully understand there are people who derive some kind of weird pleasure from belittling people on the internet because it makes them feel better.
Why? No idea. You'd know better than me.

Definitely email your police and crime commissioner. Good luck don't give up x

Write to them.
Write to your MP. (You can email your MP and that is as good as a letter).
I think phone calls are not a good way of dealing with important issues.

I worked in the NHS for nearly 40 years. We had a saying:
"If it isn't written down, it didn't happen"
It is a useful thing to remember.

I just don't think it's fair I keep getting fobbed off. I'm just trying to protect me and my son.

Is there an address where you could send a letter? Include the date of the original request and ask when you might expect to have a response.

Have you actually made a report about the threats, separate to the CL request?

Whilst the subject is interrelated, the two things need to be logged separately.

Isiah
Call your local women's aid, explain the situation, ask for help and advice. I believe the police will then respond as another pair of eyes on the problem! Also Women's aid can offer you other advice and help in your situation
Good luck

When someone is dying of one type of cancer they are not better off than someone dying of three types of cancer.

The OP has received a serious threat. things are going to end badly for you if you don’t comply. She is - or should be - a priority.

I guess I just feel small and alone and that I'm asking for too much. Maybe I am.

I would be reporting the new threats, stop contact if dc is going there.
Also get legal aid and see a lawyer about an injunction. Women's aid is a good idea.

Today 09:56PlainSpeakingStraightTalking

You are not as high risk as some.

I think that attitude is bloody disgusting, how do you know what her ex is capable of ? You have no idea!

It is a disgraceful attitude, I cant actually believe someone who "works with DV" would even say something like that, total lack of compassion.

OP are you able to say which police force area you are in, perhaps members can point you in the right direction for a contact a bit higher up to speak with. I agree if they are saying someone will contact you, then they should bloody well do so.

I'm gobsmacked at the responses from someone who claims to work in DV.

IZIAH Have you spoken to anyone else such as Womens Aid, about getting legal help and keeping an incident diary?

You don't need to make a Clare's Law request from what I can see,

You know he's had a history of violence

He's made threats against you

What information could you possibly learn that will persuade you to stay with this horrid man?