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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Police giving me the runaround

49 replies

IZIAH · 26/04/2019 09:42

About 6 weeks ago I made a Clare's Law request re my abusive ex. Was told it would take 10-15 days. I called after 3 weeks and was told it hadn't been started yet. That they'd chase and they'd get someone to contact me from their DV team within 2 days. Never heard back from them. Called them again to chase. They apologised and said someone would contact me soon. Nothing. Phoned on Sunday to ask what was going on and the lady apologised and sent an email to whoever was doing it to ensure it was done in the next couple of days. Phoned again today. Lady was rude and told me she wouldn't know who to ask about this and that it can take 28 days (it's pushing on 7 weeks now).

I've recently discovered that my ex was abusive to his ex. Physically and mentally. My son is not having contact with him and I am tired of being told a DV specialist officer is going to come and see me. If they're not then fine but don't tell me they're coming when they have no intention of!

This has been going on for weeks now. 6 weeks ago I was told an officer from their DV team was going to come round and speak to me about what I've been through.

They don't give a shit do they? Should I just give up?

OP posts:

Original poster

IZIAH · 26/04/2019 10:38

I think that attitude is bloody disgusting, how do you know what her ex is capable of ? You have no idea!

I did think the same but was nervous to say it. Making an assumption about my risk based on one statement I've put on the internet and no history of how my ex was abusive when we were together, results of Clare's Law, more specific details etc is dangerous no?

OP posts:

GimmieTheCoffeeAndNooneDies · 26/04/2019 10:39

Plainspeaking: if you do the job you claim to do, you will understand that it is about managing expectations.

If you tell someone they will be contacted within 48 hours and you don't contact them, there will be a breakdown of trust. That really isn't difficult to understand.

Original poster

IZIAH · 26/04/2019 10:39

We aren't together anymore but we have a child together.

OP posts:

FaithFrank · 26/04/2019 11:38

'If you don't start complying things are going to end badly for you' is a threat of violence. Have you reported this threat (and any others he may have made) to the police?

FaithFrank · 26/04/2019 11:40

Also, I agree it's crap of them to keep fobbing you off.

Mycatsaninja · 26/04/2019 11:44

And yet my mum had a visit from two PC's and an offer of Victim Support when she received a scam email !!!
What is the world coming to when a victim of ongoing threat and DV can't get a response ? Disgraceful 😡

ThePerturbedPenguin · 26/04/2019 11:51

@IZIAH I work for an MP and we often get emails following up incidences of crime where the police haven’t responded properly etc. The MP can quickly fire off an email to the Chief Constable (or whoever best in that particular force) and the police then usually come back very quickly.

If you send an email and follow up with a phone call now you could get this done by the end of the day before MPs’ offices shut for the weekend.

You can find your MP here - www.parliament.uk/mps-lords-and-offices/mps/

There will be a phone number and an email address.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 26/04/2019 12:01

Have you made a police report about his threats to you? You talk about the Claire's Law request, but reporting the current threats he is making will be more important and I think the police will deal with that more quickly.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 26/04/2019 12:14

I guess I just feel small and alone and that I'm asking for too much. Maybe I am.

No, you certainly aren't. Your expectations are entirely reasonable. However police funding has been slashed with predictable results.

I'd go with the good advice you've been given. Email to your MP, complain to the police, contact Women's Aid and - most importantly - report the threat made against you.

And as for PlainSpeakingStraightTalking - wherever you work you should be fucking ashamed of yourself.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 26/04/2019 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Queenie8 · 26/04/2019 12:27

Also contact the National Centre for Domestic Violence www.ncdv.org

Good luck 🤞🏻

mbosnz · 26/04/2019 12:28

Would having serious anger management issues be something of a hindrance in working in DV?

Hailthelime · 26/04/2019 12:35

Phone 101 and say you want to make a complaint. Say you want to talk to the Duty Officer. What you are asking for is not unreasonable. Somebody needs to take responsibility. If you have reported any of these threats there should be an "officer in the case" so that you have some consistency. Yes there will be other cases that take priority but not all day every day. They are letting you down and should rectify this. Good luck!

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 26/04/2019 12:48

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking

MetroFly · 26/04/2019 13:01

I hope to fuck you don't 'work in dv' @PlainSpeakingStraightTalking because you sound like you give zero actual fucks to someone who could do with some help.

At what point after someone is threatened by someone who has a known violent history and has motive should a person be considered a priority

user1471590586 · 26/04/2019 13:17

Could you ring social services if you are worried he will want contact with your child. They might be able to put some pressure on the police for info and offer advice.

mbosnz · 26/04/2019 13:19

My cousin was placed in a priority queue by police, when she complained about her ex-partner's threats and violence towards her. Sadly she is no longer with us. I wonder how the officer who was somewhat dismissive of her concerns felt about that. . .

InTheHeatofLisbon · 26/04/2019 13:35

mbosnz I'm sorry for your awful loss. I hope the officer who was dismissive knows how dangerous that is now. Scant comfort for you and your family I know.

IZIAH I think the suggestion of your MP is a good one, also contacting DV services if you feel you want to. Have you looked up the Freedom Programme online? It's really good, and a friend of mine completed it 2 years ago and it's helped her so much!

I wish it had been around when I escaped. From a random on the internet, I'm over ten years further down the line than you are, there is a future for you. There really is, and you'll be ok

SchrodingersBrexit · 26/04/2019 13:52

I'm really sorry you are going through this, OP. It must be really scary for you.

I think the advice about contacting your MP is good.

I also think it is worth contacting social services for advice. Do you feel your DS is in danger? If so, you need to be clear about how to proceed, SS should be able to support with this.

bellabasset · 26/04/2019 14:13

I think the advice about contacting the MP and Women's Aid are good suggestions, as well as emailing the PCC and Chief Constable. I would also suggest that you keep a written record of any contact you make with the police, and any contact with your ex. You should put these in an email to the police.

I can imagine it must be very frightening and while I fully appreciate the strains on the police time its quite worrying to see that these situations cannot be handled while events such as football matches, political demonstrations and social events often warrant a large police presence

Parkermumma07 · 26/04/2019 14:29

Hiya I'm a DV officer I don't know what area your in so can't comment specifically. However please don't think we don't care we do otherwise believe me we wouldn't do the job we do. Claire law is a fantastic tool but so frustrating we have hundreds of applications to get through, the research alone takes days. Claires law in my opinion should be a role on its own as we are given the work on top of our day to day work of dealing with High risk victims of abuse. I obviously can't comment on the way you were spoken to on the phone I'm sure that wasn't helpful to you. But please don't think we don't care we're often very understaffed as it takes a certain type of officer to work in the DV field. But those that do choose to be in our unit do it so we can help and protect women (and men) who have experienced DV. I know this post doesn't help you really I just don't want you to think we don't care.

MrsSB99 · 26/04/2019 14:36

I think to be honest right now don’t worry about the request and as others have said they will get back to you but they are probably stretched. You should see solicitor and get injunction, do you have crime ref for the threats? Get prohibited steps and non molestation order in place preferably one with power of arrest. Have a look online about them, in this circumstance they may be helpful and give you some reassurance.

MIA12 · 26/04/2019 14:41

OP contact your local MP and ask them to intervene on your behalf. Having a letter from an MP usually gets things moving.

LemonTT · 27/04/2019 09:44

Letter / email to a senior officer, I would go for the local superintendent or chief superintendent. He is senior enough to do something and in a position to do it. You could go higher but they will pass it down anyway taking more time.

Crucially state very early that this is being copied to the local MP, your councillor and the crime commissioner.

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