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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Looking for advice

28 replies

Fitta12344321 · 26/04/2019 09:04

im a man in my late 20s been married for 7 years and a child with my soon to be ex wife , we met when we were very young and married a year or so later , last year i went on a dating app and met a girl without the knowledge of my then wife and cheated on her i know this is bad and i understand my mistakes , long story short i fell in love with this woman and she fell in love with me we , my ex wife asked for another chance and been waiting for months until she finally said to her self its time to move on having noticed her stop trying to be with me i realised i can lose her for ever i dont love her the way i used to but the truth is i never gave her a fair chance , we havent got much in common we are always angry and very negative , the exact opposite when it comes to my new gf we are very happy and shes always smiley and happy and its a big attraction to me , i feel beause i never treated my ex wife the way i treated my gf i never bought her flowers and we didnt go out much for years , my dillema is for the sake of our child do i give my ex wife a chance and start treating her the way i trest my gf and see what happens or should i just move on and live happily ever after with my new gf.

OP posts:
LGY1 · 26/04/2019 09:07

Doesn’t every relationship start off lovely, happy, positive & fun?
Then real life, children & problems get in the way!
Never ever think that the way things are at the start of a relationship are how they will be forever!

I would say put the same amount of effort into your wife & then see how things change

bluebell34567 · 26/04/2019 09:09

agree with LGY1.

OldAndWornOut · 26/04/2019 09:10

I would hope your wife would tell you to go and "live happily ever after" with your new woman. Only a lot less politely.
No mention of your child, I see...

IceRebel · 26/04/2019 09:10

You cheated on your wife
Strung her along, until she realised she was better off without you
You started a relationship with the other woman
But now you want to go back to your ex

Hmm

Leave your poor Ex alone and let her get on with her life.

Also I hope your new partner takes a look at how you've treated your Ex wife, and gets out of the relationship before you do the same to her.

Moralitym1n1 · 26/04/2019 09:10

A. If you not a troll, by fk have you picked the wrong forum for this.

B. Punctuation, you're going to give people headaches trying to read thar

Moralitym1n1 · 26/04/2019 09:10
  • you're
Original poster
Fitta12344321 · 26/04/2019 09:11

if i do i will lose my soulmate if it wasnt for my soon to be ex wife i wouldnt of even stop to think because the new girl im with is something very special , its a very bad place to be when you love to people at the same time and when you are in a point in your life where you can either go left or right and it will effect you for the rest of your life not only mine but also my childs life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fitta12344321 · 26/04/2019 09:13

really sorry im not really used to writing on forums or any formal letters etc ,

  1. im not a troll just a man thats very lost and dont know what to do.
and for the person that commented you're sorry English is my third language.
OP posts:
BayandBlonde · 26/04/2019 09:15

So you were happy with your new GF until your soon to be ex wife said, fine I'm happy to move on, now you are having second thoughts!

Let your ex wife move on, you chose to be with your GF. Don't try and go slithering back to your soon to be ex wife just because she has realised she is better off without you!

Original poster
Fitta12344321 · 26/04/2019 09:18

ive actually done a 180 and turned my life around , and obviously ive just told you about the bad aspects, i forgot to mention i have always worked 60-100 hours a week to make sure my soon to be ex wife and daughter have it good , i still pay for her insurance and car , i think the reason i cheated was because of our sex life , the reason i fell in love with someone else was because of the comfort i never had , its hard to work this much and come home to a wife thats sleeping and doesnt know what kind of hell you go through at work day in day out, ive worked most of my b days etc i regret it deeply.

OP posts:
IceRebel · 26/04/2019 09:20

How old is your daughter?

Divebar · 26/04/2019 09:21

Leave your wife alone - she deserves to be with someone who feels the same way about her as you feel about your girlfriend. That does not give you licence to abandon her and your child. Treat her respectfully and support her properly throughout the pregnancy and onwards and hopefully you’ll be able to find a way to co-parent together ( joint responsibility). That means you take on your role as a father and do it properly. It’s a complete shame that she’s pregnant because I suspect she would do a lot better without you in her life.

BayandBlonde · 26/04/2019 09:21

And fuck off with the I'm lost, I'm torn, I hate my life, woe is me bullshit.....

You're no different to this cheating bastard. Did you really think you were the first with these classic lines Angry

Looking for advice
Original poster
Fitta12344321 · 26/04/2019 09:25

i dont hate my life i have a pretty good life , the only reason im thinking about this is because of my daughter , it also got me thinking if i treated my soon to be ex wife better we probably wouldnt be in this situation not to say she was perfect

OP posts:
mbosnz · 26/04/2019 09:33

Give your ex-wife the best possible chance and bugger off out of her life. And quit with the excuses and self justifications, nobody, least of all your ex-wife is remotely interested - or buying what you're ineptly trying to sell.

Try to be a better example of a man for your daughter's sake, in future. Be the kind of person you would want her to have as a life partner, and in future treat the women in your life (even when they're not having sex with you every time you want it, or lauding you to the skies for being such a wonderful provider) the way you would want her to be treated by her life partner.

Original poster
Fitta12344321 · 26/04/2019 09:39

my ex wife waited 8 months for me and begged for a chance i never took it seriously i dont know why i didnt .

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 26/04/2019 09:39

Agree at picking the wrong forum this this shite Hmm

You’re just another selfish cheating arsehole, who went looking (very actively went looking) for sex. Pathetic and dull.

You found sex and you found a woman who is either a bit thick or a lot lacking in morals, given that she fucked a married man. Or did you lie to her as well?

One day the honeymoon period will wear off, you’ll be getting less sex again, and you’ll cheat again. Because you’re a selfish cunt.

MatildaTheCat · 26/04/2019 09:46

Accept you’ve ruined any chance of a happy marriage and divorce. You will probably find that your new girlfriend will lose her shine quite quickly, that’s life.

Treat you ex wife with exceptional respect going forward and be a good parent. Pay without question any money you need to and keep to any contact arrangements.
When your ex finds a decent man be graceful.

Original poster
Fitta12344321 · 26/04/2019 09:46

you guys really dont hold any prisoners here , but i appreciate all replies, i lied to my new gf that i was single you are right

OP posts:
IceRebel · 26/04/2019 09:48

How old is your daughter?

k1233 · 26/04/2019 09:58

Sometimes you are just with the wrong person and you will never make a square peg fit a round hole. Not an excuse to cheat though. I think cheating is the most selfish thing you can do. You know it will hurt your partner but really don't give a f*.

So given that previous utter disdain for your wife, stop torturing the poor lady by stringing her along and let her go. She will never compare to this idealised version you have of the new "soulmate".

Original poster
Fitta12344321 · 26/04/2019 10:17

i feel as if i stoped trying at that it was my fault that it didnt work i want to give it another shot the thought of losing her made me realise i should
of thought before i acted

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 26/04/2019 10:23

Just do what you want to do - stop boring us with your angst here.
You’re going to do what you want anyway.
A married man who joins a dating site to cheat on one person, and lie to another... that’s the kind of person who doesn’t give a shit about anyone but themselves, so what’s the point in even asking on here?

Do tell me, when people say “so how did you two get together?”, what do you say?

churchthecat · 26/04/2019 10:25

Nope, no sympathy here.

swingofthings · 26/04/2019 10:27

She might stop smiling and be happy when she finds out she's been lied too.

It seems you are not very good at treating your partners well so yes, starting to do would be a way towards making any woman smile and act happy.