To think you should never ask someone if they're pregnant unless you're 100% sure?

[Forthepurposesofthetape]

Ran into one of my neighbours yesterday and she excitedly asked me when my baby was due. Her face dropped when I asked her what she was talking about and she started back tracking and gabbling about her own weight issues, I just wanted to get away. I got home and had a cry. I know I've pit on weight but didn't realise I actually look pregnant. I wish people wouldn't ask this question unless they were absolutely sure. I never make comments on people's appearance unless it's to praise them. Well it's kick started me into making sure I eat a lot less from now on so maybe it had to happen. Just feel so ashamed of myself.

Yanbu. I would never, ever ask someone if they were pregnant. Too risky!

I know I get a big bloat sometimes that makes me look 6 months gone.

I take it one step further and never say anything unless the person themselves has told me! Work in an office full of child-bearing-age women and would be too risky! Luckily I am of an age now that however fat I get no one would ever think I was pregnant

It does sound tactless but doesn't necessarily mean you look very overweight.
It happened to me on Eurostar when one of the staff asked if I had "a little baby in there". I'm 5'7" and 9 1/2 stone but any weight goes straight to my stomach so really makes me look pregnant as the rest of me doesn't look overweight. I was also wearing an ill-advised smocky top.
Was extremely fed up but tried to tell myself that at least I looked young enough to be pregnant (I'm really not). Cold comfort.
Bear in mind, though, if a staff member on Eurostar asks that don't say, 'Huh? Oh nonono!"; she was planning to upgrade us to 1st because of it

It was just hurtful, I'm sensitive about my weight, I had an eating disorder for several years when I was younger and also due to fertility issues I'm highly unlikely to get pregnant again. I know she wouldn't know all that but if there's any doubt why say it and risk making a negative comment about the way someone looks?

It's really hurtful. I'm a size 10 with a tiny waist but it means I have to hide any weight round my tummy. I've been asked 3 times if I'm pregnant in the last 2 years, it made me review my wardrobe. People say stupid things.

Also making other assumptions. I once asked “are you granny?” to a lady who had brought a baby into my work once and she replied “no I’m mum!”

She had full grey hair and looked well into her sixties so I thought I was safe. But it taught me a lesson I felt awful.

Yanbu. I thought it would be safe asking a lady I know who was giving her name at reception in the antenatal clinic. Turns out she had the wrong place and was looking for the gynocology outpatients.

Definitely never ever ask unless you've heard it directly from the person in question! If the person wants you to know, they'll tell you.

Totally agree OP. Put on a shitload of weight rapidly with epilepsy meds and at my office, one lady innocently asked me and was mortified and apologetic when I said no. One much more bitchy colleague was pleased to inform me that 'everyone' was speculating behind my back.

I believe never ask if someone is pregnant unless you can see the head. Even if you're correct, the person might not want to broadcast it if there's a problem in the early stages or it's high risk.

@ParrotWithACarrot, I did this too, child in doctors waiting room playing with my DD, child drops their teddy, i ask my DD to give it to their Granny. Said Granny then made a point of mentioning she was their mum.

I was mortified and I see this woman regularly and I still get that sick feeling in my stomach when I do.

It must hurt OP but I'd take comfort from the fact she wasn't deliberately trying to be mean to you

You should never ask if someone is pregnant even if they look like they’re about to pop. If they want to discuss it they’ll bring it up. Sorry that happened to you. That must be quite upsetting.

I got congratulated twice in 6 weeks by the same person!
First time was "oh congratulations, I didn't know u were expecting again. Great news"
I replied with "nope I'm not pregnant, must just be fat!"

6 weeks later see same person who says "oh I knew u where pregnant last time and were just trying to keep it quite, congratulations again."
Me - "nope, still just fat"

They still didn't believe me. Was a bit pissed off but they are just stupid.

This happens to me a lot. I'm a size 12 but have a large belly. Wish people would stop bloody mentioning it.

I completely agree, never mention unless they have told you. I am overweight, especially on my lower belly. No one has ever assumed I'm pregnant but I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and if you knew me before and didn't know I was pregnant you wouldn't know so the opposite of the slim people getting bloated or putting a little weight on.

Yup, unless the baby's crowning at that point you don't bloody ask. Sorry OP, they were rude.

Even if I am 99.99% sure do I even mention it unless they have specifically told me.

Been on the other end of it a couple of times, once from my own Mother! I have a binge eating disorder (which I try to hide) & my weight fluctuates-it's so embarrassing.

Some people have the discretion and tact of a brick smashed into the face.

Agree. I’ve thought people were pregnant before but they weren’t! I would never say anything until I knew ‘officially’ unless was mega obvious.

I think I look preggers sometimes I’m certain clothes too like smock tops so I don’t wear them 😂 I carry weight on my tum and have never lost that pregnancy type of shape (extra fat from bottom of boobs down) but I’m otherwise slim so it’s deceiving.

I am 30 weeks pregnant and have a very obvious bump. No one and I really do mean no one, not even people I see every day has commented on it unless I've told them myself. I was a size 24 when I got pregnant but I literally look like there's a beach ball up my top. No one wants to ask. I've seen furtive looks at my tummy but obviously no one wants to be the person that makes the fat girl cry I can understand why people wouldn't want to ask though.

I have been asked in the past if I was pregnant but I do carry weight on my tummy, and completely honestly, I felt worse for the person who asked than I did for myself. They were mortified.

You're not wrong - it's so so rude. I've only ever been asked by an over-intrusive, gossipy friend, and yes I did look pregnant. She asked me, I was so mad she was being so nosy that I told her the truth - I'd just had a miscarriage. She was mortified and I doubt she'll ever ask anyone again, and so she shouldn't.

It's a question that doesn't need asking.

Just to add, I imagine being slim with a bit of a tummy leaves you much more open to assumptions and I can see how it would be much more hurtful/upsetting to be asked in those circumstances.

YANBU. I got jokey comments about it just after I'd had a MC.

I felt bad enough when I'd said 'long to go?' to somebody else (who, admittedly, was extremely large) as a teenager and she said 'I'm only fourteen weeks'. I was right, but she was so big, I had thought she could only have a few weeks to go - finding out what that felt like years later made me realise just how hurtful it can be.

So I didn't even mention it to a colleague in case the weight gain was just that until she was grumbling that nobody offered her a seat on the train. I'd rather she thought I was disinterested than feel that I'd called her fat.

I have slim arms and legs but a tummy and have been asked several times if I'm pregnant. Even when I was 9 stone, and I'm tall, I still didn't have a flat tummy.

I actually am pregnant now, but I really hated being asked when I'd just put on a bit of weight. It made me feel dreadful and it's really made me cautious of ever chancing asking someone as I know first hand that they might breezily brush it off as having eaten too many Easter eggs... but when they get home, they might be sobbing their heart out like I used to.

I've got diastasis recti and I bloat easily. I'm a size 10/12 but people occasionally think I'm pregnant (and when I have been, I show ridiculously early too). It's upsetting, but I don't think I'm actually fat, it's more poor muscle tone / posture in my case (which is also quite upsetting actually!!) and certain clothes emphasise the "mum tum" too. I agree people shouldn't comment!

It's so crass and insensitive. I wish people would learn to just keep their mouths shut. There are a million and one ways that you could end up hurting someone with this question. Maybe their are overweight. Maybe they have a large cyst or tumour. Maybe they were pregnant and have miscarried. Maybe they are pregnant, but the prognosis for their baby is not good. Maybe they haven't told anyone yet. Maybe they aren't pregnant and are actually experiencing infertility. So many reasons not to ask.

When my daughter was a few months old (bear in mind I had gained A LOT of weight during pregnancy, had crippling SPD, felt like shit, PND etc) a woman behind me in a queue asked when I was due. I was so completely fucked off with her for asking, that I just snippily said "I'm not pregnant" and let the awkwardness just hang in the air while she was stuck there queuing with me. I'd usually be the type to start mumbling about how I have a very young baby who is just waiting over there with my mum and I had a tricky pregnancy and gained more weight than I'd have liked etc to diffuse the tension, but I just thought no, actually, you can fucking well feel awkward and then maybe you won't ask anyone else.