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to be upset my dad bought me a nightie from asda for my birthday?

36 replies

canmummy · 16/07/2007 13:24

My dad lives abroad and I don't see much of him any more but tbh he and my step-mum are leaving us out of family occasions more and more.

Saw him (briefly) yesterday and he gave me my birthday present and couldn't believe what he'd got me! No thought could have gone into this and certainly no expense.

Dh says I should be grateful I got something at all but then even he agreed it was an odd present to get your daughter

OP posts:

Tanee58 · 16/07/2007 15:24

Oh..... do you have problems with your step-mum? Could it be she who chose it? (my ex-MIL once gave me a virginal white nightie - REALLY not me at all - but at least it was Nightingales and at least she let me take it back!) Maybe - to be charitable - they've heard that George at Asda is Haute Courture ?


lizziemun · 16/07/2007 16:02

Sorry, but i agree with your DH.

but i think you are being a bit unreasonable. My dad lives 30miles away from me i haven't had a card let alone a present from him and my stepmum for about 10 years.

Isn't the thought that counts.


wurlywurly · 16/07/2007 16:06

i would be quite happy with an asda nightie for my birthday.


elesbells · 16/07/2007 16:08

i would be grateful for what i got tbh. he could have got you nothing, to me its the thought that counts


kslatts · 16/07/2007 16:13

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.


Ulysees · 16/07/2007 16:15

I like Asda stuff. My mate got me asda pjs for my birthday, ok she got me a dress and necklace too but the pjs are lovely. You can take stuff back to asda too you know.


yorkshirepudding · 16/07/2007 16:16

Message withdrawn


snowwonder · 16/07/2007 16:18

whay are you upset?

was it the ammount of money he spent or didnt spend?
to be honest i dont know my dads financial situation so i am gratful for whatever i get...

or do you not like the nightie?


Sixofone · 16/07/2007 16:21

Agree that it's a good present from a bloke - my dad just sends a cheque (really nice and always appreciated, but minumum of thought involved )

Maybe your step mum said 'she's your daughter you go and buy it' so that's exactly what he did, and just got what he thought you might like? Think you are sounding perhaps not unreasonable, but definitely ungrateful?


SandCastspells · 16/07/2007 16:28

The last present I got rfom my dad was 13 years ago, on my wedding day.

And up until a year ago we lived a hour away from each other.


canmummy · 16/07/2007 16:40

I think it's the lack of thought, like he was supermarket shopping and thought "ooh I need a birthday present". Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the expense but it is obviously the cheap range and would have cost about a fiver. I'm less bothered about how much it cost than the lack of thought (can't even wear it as I'm breastfeeding so can't do night feeds in it!)

My present last year was a bottle of aftershave (honestly).

I think I'm more upset because it was his birthday last week as well and I spent a lot of time and thought choosing and buying something useful and interesting for him.

OP posts:

Sixofone · 16/07/2007 16:44

I think it is a good thing that your dad hasn't thought about your breasts when choosing a nightie!

I go round the supermarket all the time and think OMG I need a present for such and such. Even, on some occasions, my dad, wouldn't take it personally IIWY.


canmummy · 16/07/2007 16:51

Sorry everyone, I think it does seem a bit unreasonable of me. I'm having a real hard time accepting the way my dad is treating me and my family at the moment he's done some heartless things over the last year or so and had me in tears 3 times yesterday. In fact I'm sat blubbing now I think I just want to feel loved and wanted by him again

OP posts:

Tanee58 · 16/07/2007 17:32

Oh Canmummy, it's not just the nightie or the cost, is it? Do you feel like he's cutting you out of his life? That he doesn't really think about what would please you any more? What has he done today to make you cry?

Mind you, the aftershave sounds just eccentric !!! My dad once gave me a large, ceramic dustbin - but then he IS eccentric.


kookaburra · 16/07/2007 17:44

I wore an ASDA dress in a upmarket sports club one day and a woman was in rapures over it. So I told her it cost a tenner and she was completely nonplussed - presumably thought I meant 10k.
ASDA is great where else can you pick up a DR Who sonic screwdriver for less than 2/3 the price in woolworths and a 'designer' gown @ the same time. Good on our dad for not wasting your inheritance


Speccy · 16/07/2007 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kinki · 16/07/2007 17:53

My dad hasn't even so much as bought me a card in years, never mind a present. He asks me to remind him when the family's birthdays are, which I do, including my twin db's who he buys for, yet he forgets me. Every year I take him xmas shopping for his dgc and he spends lots of money on them (£30+ each), but only about £5 on my dc. I remind him ds1 has his birthday a few days after xmas, but he won't buy him a present because he 'doesn't need any more so near to christmas'. It does seem unfair.

Every year, like you I spend time, effort and money on him for birthday, xmas, father's day etc. I used to get upset too, but over the years I've decided that that is the way he is and he's not going to change. I've gradually learnt to accept it, only rarely does it upset me now. Like you, its not the monetary value that bothers me, its the thought that I don't seem to care that much to him anymore. But then maybe in his eyes I'm all grown up now, and don't need to be cared for anymore. I guess I've learnt to stop judging him by my yardsticks, ie I show people I care eg, by remembering birthdays and buying gifts, just because he doesn't do it back, doesn't mean he doesn't care.

I know the logical solution, but haven't actually done it yet: spend less on him each year, and with the money I save, I should treat myself to something special in lieu of a gift from him. Sorry to waffle, but hth.


Tanee58 · 16/07/2007 17:57

It's very hard, isn't it, however old we get, we're still their children at heart, and want to know we're the most important things in their lives - as we feel about our own children. It's hard to realise that they love us, but have a different way of showing it.

But CanMummy seems to have other things worrying her - like why has he become so careless of her over the past year. What has changed in that time?


elesbells · 16/07/2007 18:41

so its not the present thats the problem is it? sometimes when we have a problem with the person that bought the present in the first place we look to slag it off iyswim. you obviously have much wider issues with your dad and that horrible for you. what is it that gets you so upset?


TiredFedUpNanny · 16/07/2007 18:51

YANBU really, but from someone in my position it does sound like you should be grateful your dad even remembered, never mind got you something into the bargain.


Idreamofdaleks · 16/07/2007 18:54

Can you talk to him about feeling left out?


Mercy · 16/07/2007 18:59

Canmummy, poor you

What's really going on?


OrmIrian · 16/07/2007 19:01

Ooh kookaburra! A sonic screwdriver cheap!! Yeah. DD really wants one and I'm buggered if I'm paying £10 for that piece of plastic soon-to-be-broken tat.


OrmIrian · 16/07/2007 19:03

Sorry canmummy - wasn't meaning to hijack so light-heartedly. There is clearly much more than a cheap nightie going on here. Have you challenged him about his attitude. I would feel devastated if my father made me feel so rejected.


Leati · 16/07/2007 19:11

My DH's dad sends us all cards with money. But he never sees his grandbabies or his children by his choice. I would rather have the visits than the presents.

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