AIBU to feel like Ricky Gervais in After Life?

[Hopandaskipjump]

So I had a massive strange medical event + major surgery nine months ago, nearly died, kind of thing they write medical articles about it was so freaky. Lots of pain, long recovery time and since then I'm kind of ... short, with people. I find myself getting irritated by what I now see as time wasting and wittering. I just can't be arsed engaging with folk talking about does my boyfriend want to commit (no and he's a twat, wake up) or do you think I should get a puppy (who fucking cares, probably not, they're shit). It's like I've got the superpower he talks about to be rude to everyone because I nearly died and everything else is inconsequential and why are they fucking bothering me with this garbage. But then I think if I carry on like this I'll die lonely and alone and cross and that's not winning anyway. But I honestly can't be fucked with thinking about all of the nonsense.

You don't have the right to be rude to everyone. You have no idea what battles other people have fault in the past or are fighting now. The exchanges you describe are the life blood or everyday communication. I sometimes get exasperated by chit chat but we are social animals who need this connection to others.

You've been through a traumatic ordeal but you are alive! Embrace life - maybe read some philosophy to help you find your way.

Best of luck from a fellow traveller.

*fault = fought

I disagree. You do have the right to do whatever you bloody like. However, there will be consequences on you.

One effect of NDE is apparently that you may also reexamine your existing relationships, ending some that are now not compatible with your new beliefs and attitudes.

Perhaps your just doing this. Perhaps before you had people around you that were somewhat trivial.

I feel like Ricky Gervais and I haven’t been through all that. So count yourself lucky!

See, I know you're right. Intellectually and on some level I can't tap into right now emotionally I know that. And I wish I could be bothered about this stuff and act normal. I think maybe part of it is that I worked so hard to get better and it's taken me so long and part of me is thinking is this what I put all this work in for? To console someone about a hair dye gone wrong? But I know that makes me an arsehole and Christ knows I have fuck all profound to contribute anyway.

The worst part of my arseholery is that I don't even want to talk about my surgery etc. So what's wound me up massively this week is that I've spent it with my parents and they're getting on a bit and all they want to do is talk about medical things. Like not just their own but their neighbours and friends and the woman they met at the bus stop with the gammy fucking leg and I honestly can't stand it. I'm so sick of medical shit and it frightens me now and I get fucked off with them seeing it as small talk when I dont want to think about being in terror or being in pain and that's what medical stuff is and not something to chat about over a scone and tea like a pastime. I think this has made me a nasty person.

Well the answer is you can be rude to people if you want but you'll have to live with the consequences. It's great that you are still alive. If you don't want to deal with stuff that doesn't matter what are you doing about the stuff that does matter? Are there things you want to do, places you want to travel? Just being cross all the time will get wearing (as Ricky Gervais' character found).

Sorry, crossed with your post. You're obviously still traumatised by your experience. I'm afraid, as we get older, our medical problems take over from the weather as a topic for conversation. Have you tried to explain to your parents that you are affected in this way or do they just not understand?

You're not nasty! For a start you've just made me laugh with this comment "Christ knows I have fuck all profound to contribute anyway" - I feel the same, I'd love to have deeper conversations with people but don't know where to start.

I think reading will get you through this. There's a book called Late Fragments written by Kate Gross when she was (bear with me here!) dying of cancer. It's worth reading not just because of what Kate talks about but the extensive list of thought provoking books she recommends.

Decormad that's interesting. I do feel like I'm becoming a different person but I don't know who that person is.

Someone, funny you mention that. I've successfully challenged my pay grade at work and organised and booked an oddesy of a holiday so I'm kind of going through quite big motions successfully but it's not bringing an end to this feeling like I hoped it would. It really is like having a superpower because nothing can really touch me.

I had a similar experience a year ago.

My hospital offered trauma counselling. Can you access anything like that, even if you have to pay?

Lucy thanks for the recommendation. I'm sorry that you're a fellow traveller. It's not a nice place to be. In another life/world I loved your namesake.

Lividlaugh I'm on the waiting list for counselling. Did it help you?

I only had one session at the hospital and then went private, but yes it did and I’m still going.

Hi OP sorry you went through that and happy you came through it
I do think it is a natural response to be a bit WTF about other people's trivial problems - my MIL expressed the same after losing her partner and said she was cross and impatient with many people and their so called problems. I think it is normal to look st others and think they don't even know how easy they have it when you have experienced a major life trauma but it is also important to remember that most people; lucky for them; DONT experience these major things and to them their problems ARE important TO THEM and eventually you have to deal with what has happened to you and not compare it to other people

And no I haven't talked about how I feel with my parents. I've just shut down conversations. Like they've been going on about Sharon over the road and said she's got some fucking bowel problem and what else is it she's got going on? And I said, I don't know and I don't want to think about other people in terms of their medical problems. You see: rude.

It does sound like you're feeling very angry about what happened to you as well which is also a natural response to such a trauma so as PP said it might be worth having some counselling to help you work through what has happened to you which must have been scary and isolating and means no one can understand what you went through and like grief you must be looking around at everyone just carrying on like this massive thing never even happened...
I think maybe embrace it; it happened and you survived it; as Pp also said use it for positive; I find things like this show you who your real friends are and it's often not who you expect so for sure have a cull and then take some chances and do some things you want to do as now you see you have been given a second chance and don't waste it on people or things that are not worth it

In another life/world I loved your namesake

There is a fabulous adaptation of A Room with a View available on Audible, OP.

I downloaded it and listened to it whilst going on long, therapeutic walks.

I understand OP. I had a traumatic birth 8 months ago and nearly lost my newborn. I thought that i had a great support network but at the worst of times it either didn't materialise or only seemed to create more work for me. Like you, I'm just done with all the bullshit. What I've realised though through therapy is this incident highlighted things that were probably already there a long time before. I would recommend some sort of specialist therapy. I tried the good old NHS CBT and found that it didnt work at all but seeking out specialist counselling with a service that works with women dealing with pregnancy/birth/postpartum issues has really helped. I dont think I'll ever be the same, as part of me just feels a little darker now but you do still have to be functional. It just sounds like you're done with the bullshit of life and with listening to the same shit from those around you plus perhaps you are more affected by it than you realise.

If it helps, OP, I think you sound fucking brilliant. So funny.

I feel like a bit like you do as a result of therapy - it’s like I can see through everyone’s bullshit.

I think you should write a book about your new perspective. A 21st Century version of ‘Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff’. I’d read it.

Pinkarsedfly I think what infuriates me most is that everyone else must be able to see what I'm seeing. Like, your boyfriend's an arsehole so dump him, don't waste your life talking about him for fourteen hours a day to anyone who will listen. These truths I am finding they're basic common sense. Like, I could spend my days talking about Sharon over the road's bowels but why would I want to? Why do people need an instruction map for what should be basic life decisions? It's frustrating.

Blackcat I'm so sorry about your traumatic birth. Thank you for the input re CBT. I can see how it wouldn't really fit for you as what happened to you was a trauma. I also don't know if that would help me given that my main problem is that I have now become a self aggrandising nightmare with an answer for everything, usually short and blunt.

OP I have felt like you since my son died. I'm better now at making the right faces/noises but if people could hear my silent thoughts they'd run a mile!!

Mumma I am so so sorry.

That wittering must be hard to hear.

I think it may be anxiety presenting as rudeness or shortness with people. I have had similar when I also had a serious close call with a medical issue. It took me a long long time and psychological assistance to start feeling okay again. That was in 2011. I still struggle with anxiety but have learned to either block out or just kind of let people have their say to a certain extent & not let it annoy/affect me. Trauma like you have experienced has a way of focusing your thoughts, it takes time though to get to that point. Good luck with everything. And remember you just have to get through the next few minutes and then the next few and so on. I hope this makes sense.

OP I felt like that after the loss of DS and all the medical trauma (he and me) endured. It lasted about a year then I was diagnosed with PTSD.

Sorry for what you went through

I think, OP, one way to look at it might be this: those people worrying about hair dye or their boyfriend are actually lucky. This is the worst thing they have to worry about. They talk about their own realm of experience. Yours has been widened dramatically because of your experience.

And to a PP, I love the term ‘psychological assistance’. Kind of like roadside assistance but for the brain!!

Thanks downunderduchess I'm sorry you've had to deal with this too and glad you've found a way through it. That must have taken some mental toughness.

I don't feel anxious as such, just impatient. I'm frustrated that people are talking to me about things that don't need to be talked about. But then I don't know what does need to be talked about really.

Heath1977 I certainly do know who my friends are. One in particular and she can talk to me all the livelong day because she's ace. But even with that there's this angry space in my forehead and I get so impatient, with the world in general.