Hi all, thanks for the rest of your comments, it been most helpful.
So I spoke to him when he got in from work. I just said that I want the legal and financial security of marriage or civil partnership and I’d be happy to just go the registry office with two witnesses and just get it done. That I’m not bothered about a bit wedding and if we decide to have party/wedding in a few years time when we can afford it hen we can.
He went on to say that we have taken precautions to financially secure ourselves - will, joint mortgage, life insurance etc.
I then went on to say that whilst that’s true, it’s about legally recognising our relationship. In the eyes of the law we’re not official. Without going into too much detail, his family aren’t very nice people and we are estranged from them. If the worst were to happen to him then I know for sure that they’d do everything to contest the will, exclude me from funeral arrangements and just do their utmost to make me look like some women that’s birthed him two children and isn’t the real deal. I said that this is why it’s important that I have the legal status of wife or civil partner because they simply wouldn’t be able to do this. It also just makes things a lot less complicated - yes we could hunt and find a pension scheme that recognizes your partner in the event of your death, yes we could put in the will that I should be next of kin etc etc. But by the time you’ve done all that, you may as well have paid the £46 and just got married/civil partnered. It’s probably more cost effective as well less complex and piecemeal.
I just put it bluntly:
Do you want us to have each other’s pensions? He said yes
Do you want us to get all of the others assets in the event of the others death? He said yes
Do you want me to hAve the final say if your on life support? Ie next of kin? He said yes
Do you want your estranged family who you hate to have more say then me and have them put before me in the eyes of the law if you die? He looked positively mortified at this point before saying absolutely not.
I said to him, well I hate to break it you honey - this means that you do in fact want a civil partnership or marriage.
He went on to say that whilst he sees where I’m coming from, he still thinks the majority of it can be done without marriage/civil partnership. I then argued that whilst that’s true, it’s still so much less complex and again, probably less costly then just covering it all in one contract or civil partnership. He agreed and said he’d prefer a civil partnership.
He then went on to say that there may have been a bit of miscommunication when he said he didn’t believe in getting married. Whilst he doesn’t like marriage as an institution and would have happily carried on without getting married, he was and still is prepared to get married if it means that much to me. He said he just doesn’t really care either way. Just on the basis that as far as he’s concerned we are protected financially, although he does see my point about just getting it done in one contract and it being more straight forward, he’s still not overly bothered. The stuff about his awful family caused some alarm but he said in his heart of hearts, whilst he would hate for me to go through that, I’ve got balls of steel and would knock them out (lol) and he knows I’d be ok in the end.
But still, he recognised that it’s him with the awful family and on that basis, it’s really my call and if a civil partnership or marriage puts my mind at ease then we can do it.
I then said that I was just confused about how on the one hand he’s saying he doesn’t believe in getting married but then on the other hand if he does then he wants a wedding. He just said that he actually just really enjoys weddings, choosing a best man, our daughters as bridesmaids and having a party. I also said that I was confused at how we always talk about the type of wedding we’d have but he didn’t think to mention that he didn’t believe in getting married? He said he didn’t explain himself very well the other night. He just saw marriage as this really big expensive affair that we just can’t afford right now, so when he said he just wanted to carry on as we are, he just meant right now. He said no he doesn’t like marriage and believes its an institution that’s outdated and unnessary but he’s not so against it that he wouldn’t do it if that’s what I really wanted.
In short, he’s happy to just go the registry office with two witnesses and get it done and have party later on if we want to. He likes the idea of a civil partnership over a marriage