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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to handle this- abortion and work *trigger*

48 replies

WhenWillFortniteEnd · 25/04/2019 17:45

* Potential trigger- medical abortion*

I have an abortion booked for next week. Currently 5 weeks pregnant (very unexpectedly).

Have decided to have an abortion as we just cannot afford another child and feel it would impact too much on our 3 children. I'm feeling a bit crap, emotionally and physically (I have suffered with hyperemesis in previous pregnancies).

I am having to have two days off, one for the procedure and one for the day after. I'm just not sure what to tell work.

I left a vague message earlier this week to say I am in hospital for the day for and will need a couple of days. I was thinking of saying something gynecological, but I don't know.I will be seeing my manager tomorrow.

I know I don't have to be specific, but I work in a close team and we are usually quite open with each other. So, it will feel uncomfortable for me not to give any information, and would look strange. I'm also going to have to try and deal with nausea and the vomiting that will no doubt start any day.

Does anyone have any advice on what I could say?
Thank youFlowers

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 25/04/2019 19:25

@greenlloon Colleagues are not entitled to know about the OP's private life.

AutumnCrow · 25/04/2019 19:26

Absolutely, privacy is a right at work.

Original poster
WhenWillFortniteEnd · 25/04/2019 19:27

Oh I haven't heard that beforeAutumn. So I might be able to refuse a scan? Mine is also with BPAS I will be no more than 6 weeks. I found out immediately but they couldn't fit me in anywhere for two weeks.

Thank you for your kind words and experiences. This is really helping.

OP posts:
DwayneDibbly · 25/04/2019 19:29

I did have a scan (NHS hospital) but that was simply to determine dates & work out options re: type of termination. Didn't see screen, no discussion really. Nurses were polite, kind & efficient.

DwayneDibbly · 25/04/2019 19:30

Oh, and I did tell my boss - also a friend. I said it was a non-viable pregnancy. And it was, in a sense. It meant I was being honest about the procedure but fudging (lying) about the reasons behind it. As I said, my boss is a good friend, I may not have been so forthcoming with another boss.

greenlloon · 25/04/2019 19:31

@greenlloon Colleagues are not entitled to know about the OP's private life.

did i say they did?

AutumnCrow · 25/04/2019 19:34

Just seen you are having medical not surgical termination, OP. So yes you do need to qualify for that. I think you can ask for silence and no visuals though, during the scan, from what others have said.

Everyone will be kind and caring and efficient.

huggybear · 25/04/2019 19:36

Wouldn't it be easier to take annual leave? If you don't want questions I mean.

greenlloon · 25/04/2019 19:39

You don’t need to say anything more than you have - I’d say you are going into hospital for a minor operation you realise a medical abortion is not a minor operation.
I said minor gynae surgical procedure. No-one uttered a word after that. medical abortion no surgery

AutumnCrow · 25/04/2019 19:42

I had a surgical procedure.

AutumnCrow · 25/04/2019 19:44

Tbh I'd have preferred to have taken annual leave but it wouldn't have been granted in my job, in that week.

snarfblatt · 25/04/2019 19:45

Op I was back at work the next day and that was at 8 weeks - hopefully by the second day you'll feel much better.

Mumberjack · 25/04/2019 19:46

Gynae procedure. A laparoscopy or hysteroscopy, with GA and knackeredness afterwards, would explain the 2 days.
But saying that, you shouldn’t have to justify yourself to anyone. None of their business Flowers

Nofunkingworriesmate · 25/04/2019 19:48

Have you read the tread by the abortion nurse? Sorry don’t know how to do links. really reassuring hope you get a lovely nurse like that, all the best xx
Hope you can confide in someone at work so you don’t feel the burden of a secret. personally I always feel better after a heart to heart and you’d be surprised how many miscarriages/ abortions there are in any group of women and all it takes it one person to open up xxxx

AutumnCrow · 25/04/2019 20:05

I can't find that thread - I'll link to it if I do though

Original poster
WhenWillFortniteEnd · 25/04/2019 20:09

Thanks again everyone- just settling down to read the thread now Flowers

OP posts:
surrealreal · 25/04/2019 21:12

Thanks I had mine yesterday. They said they needed to do a scan so they could offer me the right choice of treatment and also check it wasn't ectopic. But I was asked if I wanted to know any of the information gathered from it and I did choose to look at the screen but you don't have to at all.

DwayneDibbly · 25/04/2019 21:20

@WhenWillFortniteEnd The AMA thread is understandably quite emotive so be prepared for that. I've had my hackles raised once or twice (and a post deleted by HQ as a result!)

Original poster
WhenWillFortniteEnd · 25/04/2019 21:20

I hope you're doing ok surreal Flowers

OP posts:
surrealreal · 25/04/2019 21:24

I'm ok thank you when. I agree with Dwayne about the AMA thread although the OP is lovely as are many of the posters.

Original poster
WhenWillFortniteEnd · 25/04/2019 21:30

Thanks DwayneDibbly. The OP of that thread very kindly messaged me when she saw this thread. I have been able to read some of it.

surreal I'm glad you are ok. Shit situation isn't it.

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 25/04/2019 21:42

That's kind of her. All the very best to you OP, and to you surreal

We make and made hard but necessary decisions, and I don't regret mine.

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