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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to handle this- abortion and work *trigger*

48 replies

WhenWillFortniteEnd · 25/04/2019 17:45

* Potential trigger- medical abortion*

I have an abortion booked for next week. Currently 5 weeks pregnant (very unexpectedly).

Have decided to have an abortion as we just cannot afford another child and feel it would impact too much on our 3 children. I'm feeling a bit crap, emotionally and physically (I have suffered with hyperemesis in previous pregnancies).

I am having to have two days off, one for the procedure and one for the day after. I'm just not sure what to tell work.

I left a vague message earlier this week to say I am in hospital for the day for and will need a couple of days. I was thinking of saying something gynecological, but I don't know.I will be seeing my manager tomorrow.

I know I don't have to be specific, but I work in a close team and we are usually quite open with each other. So, it will feel uncomfortable for me not to give any information, and would look strange. I'm also going to have to try and deal with nausea and the vomiting that will no doubt start any day.

Does anyone have any advice on what I could say?
Thank youFlowers

OP posts:
Original poster
WhenWillFortniteEnd · 25/04/2019 17:46

Please excuse typos Blush

OP posts:
mbosnz · 25/04/2019 17:49

I'd just be saying 'women's issues. . .' that usually has everyone backing off pretty fast. . .

user1493413286 · 25/04/2019 17:49

I would say it’s something gynaecological if you feel you have to share more than just saying it’s a procedure.
I hope it all goes ok for you.

blackfriars · 25/04/2019 17:50

You don’t need to say anything more than you have - I’d say you are going into hospital for a minor operation - nothing to worry about. (This isn’t my opinion of the procedure btw, that’s just what I’d say.) They’ll assume it’s something personal and I think 99% of people wouldn’t enquire further.

Islaofsilly · 25/04/2019 17:53

Ovarian cyst? Though I think ‘minor procedure’ should cover it. Hope you are OK. I am coming out the other side of similar Flowers

mindutopia · 25/04/2019 18:07

I would say a gynaecological procedure or something else you feel you can talk about if someone asks. I had a d&c for a miscarriage (not sure if that’s what you’re having, I’d assume not at 5 weeks? Anyway, I truly needed about a week off). I told people at work (who hadn’t known I’d been pregnant) that I had to have a minor abdominal procedure. No one really asked me much about it when I returned thankfully.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 25/04/2019 18:09

A close friend of mine at work said she had fibroids, people don't tend to ask further questions

AutumnCrow · 25/04/2019 18:10

I said minor gynae surgical procedure. No-one uttered a word after that.

StealthPolarBear · 25/04/2019 18:11

Gynaecologicsl issue, or if you feel able, pregnancy related issue.

Klopptimist · 25/04/2019 18:18

I'd go with a minor gynae procedure, D&C if pushed further. As for the sickness, just say you're really nervous about it if anyone asks.

snarfblatt · 25/04/2019 18:23

I said I had a minor procedure on the on the day I took off for mine (pill, not d&c). I did confide in my manager but that's because she was also a trusted friend, I wouldn't do so in my current role with current manager. I hope you feel better soon, I remember feeling so sick and it went away immediately after the termination which was such a relief, all other emotions aside.

snarfblatt · 25/04/2019 18:23

(I didn't go any further than 'procedure', most people know not to ask if you haven't already given detail. Would say gynae if asked though)

AutumnCrow · 25/04/2019 18:37

I said 'gynae' because it was a protected characteristic in my then place of employment (sex discrimination rules) so it wouldn't be able to be used against me in, say, any future application for promotion, sabbatical, research grant.

AutumnCrow · 25/04/2019 18:38

When I say 'it', I mean the brief work absence, sorry.

Mummyshark2019 · 25/04/2019 18:49

Perhaps fibroids or haemoroids if you feel you need to give detail.

Original poster
WhenWillFortniteEnd · 25/04/2019 18:52

Thanks everyone. I will say gynecological and hopefully that will be sufficient.

It's the pills I am taking- I am hoping that the worst of it will be over by the following evening (from what I have read anyway).

I just want it over and done with. I'm dreading the scan really. Being told if there is a strong heartbeat and how may weeks/days I am. If that's what they do?

Husband now has his name down for a vasectomy. Too late to help right now though of course.

OP posts:
stucknoue · 25/04/2019 18:54

Just say women's issues and you don't want to go further if anyone asks for details. Plenty of minor procedures are day surgery now and 24 hours to recover is very reasonable. I had one at that stage and I was doing ordinary things the same day, with two toddlers.

Runkle · 25/04/2019 18:58

They won't say anything about a strong heartbeat, they will just confirm dates and the screen will be facing away from you. A lovely abortion midwife did an AMA on here the other day if you find that helpful.

Original poster
WhenWillFortniteEnd · 25/04/2019 18:59

And Flowers for everyone who have gone through, or are going through, this or similar

OP posts:
Original poster
WhenWillFortniteEnd · 25/04/2019 19:00

Thank you runkle, just off to find that thread now

OP posts:
Runkle · 25/04/2019 19:01

Flowers you're not alone.

greenlloon · 25/04/2019 19:03

A close friend of mine at work said she had fibroids, people don't tend to ask further questions

so she lied then

MissClareRemembers · 25/04/2019 19:11

I was totally honest with my HR manager when I had mine. My actual manager was away on holiday so I didn’t have to have the conversation with her. It didn’t actually occur to me to say anything else.

We had an diary sheet that was circulated around the office and I just put ‘hospital’ on that.

I think gynae issue covers all bases.

Flowers OP. I really feel for you.

AutumnCrow · 25/04/2019 19:18

I'm dreading the scan really. Being told if there is a strong heartbeat and how may weeks/days I am. If that's what they do?

I didn't have one. (BPAS clinic, at 5 weeks.)

I'd have refused if possible, and certainly said they couldn't discuss what they detected with me. Off limits, totally.

MissClareRemembers · 25/04/2019 19:22

I did have a scan but they didn’t say much and didn’t show me the screen.