Red Flags you wished you’d heeded?

[Turin]

Prior to entering the awful relationship and marriage I had with ex DP there were a number of red flags I’d wish I’d challenged or even noticed more. I was to busy being stupidly in love and doubting myself. And a bit desperate to be loved tbf. They were:

Him encouraging me to work part time or give up work so he could “look after” me

Telling me my friends were jealous and parents interfering in our relationship when they called me weekly or visited me monthly

Him choosing my wardrobe and telling me to return purchases as they looked cheap.

This was even before the relationship got serious! I still feel so stupid!

What were the red flags you should have heeded?

"Liked a drink".

Lack of empathy.

Bad relationship with his mother, and now bad relationship with MY mother and ME.
(This is such a common comment from you all...)

Won't talk about his past; hits inanimate objects, has said some unbelievably cruel things to me over the years, made me go shopping for a piece of jewellry for a big birthday on my own...He was far too busy at work.

Hates or barely tolerates my friends and the rest of my family.

Has few friends

Prides himself on his 'Old Fashioned' view of life.

Controlling to the extent he told me which pills to pop out of a blister pack.

Tells me I'm fat.

• Calling his ex’s names and being pleased at their misfortune
• having an ex that left him “out of the blue” (I suspect I’m now considered to have done the same when I escaped for my own safety)
• series of jobs that hadn’t worked out but was never his fault
• telling me what a nice guy he was (life has since taught me that nice guys never say they’re nice as they are just that way and don’t recognise that they’re any better than others or compare themselves)

Oh yeah and a few more:

It would have been my XXth anniversary with exW 1 today...
His internet banking password was the address he shared with another exW
No friends
Loved all my friends to begin with then one by one went off them and soon they were no longer in my life
Isolated me
Criticised my clothes, shoes, bags... told me I couldn't wear xyz
The lies...
Nothing was ever his fault
Demanded I stand when he came into the house
Addicted to porn
Sexualised everything
Wanted sex all the time
Not enough sex was always my fault
Had no interest in satisfying me sexually - believed he was a sex god and if I wasn't happy that was my fault
Vanity
Grandiose self importance and entitlement
No boundaries
The lies...

OMG this is bringing back nightmares!