Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of greedy children

42 replies

Downwilson · 25/04/2019 11:10

I have 3 daughters aged 12, 9 and 5. I have found the Easter break to be really difficult especially with the older 2.
The eldest is nearly 13 and is difficult and grumpy and is only interested in going online or going clothes shopping for herself.
The middle one is also incredibly acquisitive and greedy.
The youngest is still okay and happy to go for picnics etc.
I feel like I've completely failed as a parent. They don't want to spend time with me unless there is some sort of bonus involved usually involving spending money on them. They are so greedy and think I'm being unreasonable when I explain that money is not an infinite resource.
Just wondering if I'm alone in this....

OP posts:
coolestmum · 25/04/2019 11:13

9 seems a bit young to have got to that point but its not uncommon for 12/13 year olds to suddenly turn into selfish little beings. Is the 9 year old copying the 12 year old maybe?
And you haven't failed as a parent, you are not alone!

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 25/04/2019 11:14

Children are the products of our parenting Im afraid, and we all make mistakes and sometimes dont put the correct boundaries in place. We're all guilty of it to a certain extent.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 25/04/2019 11:15

I don't think ds would've wanted to go on a picnic with me at 9,he was playing with his mates.

In what way are they greedy?Confused

Justmuddlingalong · 25/04/2019 11:18

Do you mean greedy or materialistic?

Sculpin · 25/04/2019 11:19

This is really normal OP (although agree the 9yo is young for it). In the same way that 2-3 year olds have tantrums, teenagers tend to be grumpy and selfish. Not all teenagers are like this (and not all toddlers have tantrums), but many are.

It's hard OP. Keep laying down the rules - don't allow outright rudeness. Don't think you've failed as a parent. Do nice things with your 5yo and hope that the others sometimes engage.

Nolagerformethanks · 25/04/2019 11:19

I'm sick to death of my 5year old SS constantly want, want, want! Can we go to the toy shop? Can we go to the sweet shop? Can I have that? (Something advertised in the tv) We never say yes to him asking so I don't know why it continues! I get your point OP and don't know when children became so greedy, my generation wouldn't ask for a thing!

Handofglory · 25/04/2019 11:24

Mine have been a bit like this. 10 year old in particular finds it very hard to go anywhere, even the corner shop without getting/buying something for herself.
(Un)fortunately they have saved up generous pocket money from grandparents and been kindly given some from our neighbours so they have had about £50 each burning a hole in their pockets this holiday. But all they want to do is spend it on crap.
I don’t know how to approach this as it is their money but I hate them buying plastic tat.

auntykara · 25/04/2019 11:26

I don't have children but it might be the influence of social media for your eldest, with fast fashion all over Instagram, and seeing people who post so many outfits?
And then your middle child sees her getting clothes all of the time and wants 'things' too, just for the sake of having them so it feels fair?
You haven't failed, you're trying to do things that don't revolve around money and shopping, and you've told them that

At 12 I didn't want to do anything with my parents and younger siblings, but keep trying to engage them

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 25/04/2019 11:27

I get your point OP and don't know when children became so greedy, my generation wouldn't ask for a thing!

There weren't the constant adverts there are these days, we only had 4 telly channels. There is just more of everything these days. I don't think it's entirely the kids' fault.

Kaykay06 · 25/04/2019 11:28

I have 4, and yes they do want things sometimes. But I’m a single parent and they know I don’t ‘have’ money for constant extras when we are out. I explain the cost of getting into wherever we are and that I brought food they like and perhaps have taken a little extra spare for an ice cream for when they’ve been good, I don’t always do this.

I also explain prior to going out anywhere to NOT ask for stuff as the answer will be no. It’s hard but they do get it and it makes treats much more appreciated. They also have pocket money, my 13 year old is a big saver and rarely spends his cash but my youngest 2 (7&9) like to spend if they have money but also put some in their accounts too. It’s hard going out with needy kids who have to be bought stuff to be happy, I’m sure most kids aren’t like this but they all have their moments I’m sure

MummyStruggles · 25/04/2019 11:29

Hangofglory my 10 yo is exactly the same. (her own) Money burns a hole in her pocket and she must spend it. She spends it on ingredients for slime, like PVA glue and glitter and spray starch and contact bloody lens solution. She will play for hours with it all though and it keeps her happy. She's really grateful and happy for whatever she gets but always looking for the next thing to buy, like it's never enough.

TheInvestigator · 25/04/2019 11:32

Don't beat yourself up. I've started to realise that I might be sending my kids in the same direction. Money isn't an issue for us and they both love collecting Lego so I just buy new sets without really thinking. But now I've noticed they don't understand how expensive Lego can be and I'm having to back peddle to teach them this sort of stuff doesn't grow on trees.
All you can do now is try to teach them. The oldest is old enough for you to give her X amount and teach her to set a budget. Perhaps show her your budget and teach her that their simply isn't any other money there.

Springwalk · 25/04/2019 11:32

It is normal for teenagers to be on line and like to look at clothes etc, I am not sure they love the picnics etc as much as they used to. Try city visits or other forms of days out.

It is just a stage they all go through, just hold firm on the money front and don't allow the grumpy mood to ruin your mood. Indifference will be your friend, and go out and have fun even if they don't want come, you never know they may just join you.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/04/2019 11:33

Most kids/teens are incredibly selfish beings, you haven't failed OP, they will most likely grow out of it

Penguinpandarabbit · 25/04/2019 11:35

My DD is 13 and was very materialistic around 12, I was being asked to buy £50 worth of clothes for her sometimes several times a week which obviously said no to other than when she needed clothes or had specific event. She has improved - one thing we started is letting her earn money for helping around the house etc as well as constant we don't have infinite money. Plus friends have changed to poorer and less flash your cash ones so peer pressure gone. She won't go out with us but think that's normal.

My DS is 12 and opposite, he won't even ask for anything for Christmas or Birthday, has some presents from last year he says he's not opening until next year, argues school dinner prices, always turning heating down. He is too careful but really hard to persuade him to spend money. He is ASD. He will happily go out with us.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 25/04/2019 11:44

Children are the products of our parenting Im afraid, and we all make mistakes and sometimes dont put the correct boundaries in place. We're all guilty of it to a certain extent

You don't think children have free will then?

Do you always do everything your parents told you to do? I didn't, and I don't! I am my own person and I have my own views.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 25/04/2019 11:46

Dh and I don't wear designer clothes but ds will happily spend £50 ( of his own money) on a T shirt. Nothing to do with us !

Dana28 · 25/04/2019 11:49

You give them an allowance to cover clothes/toys/entertainment and when it's gone it's gone

Katie96x · 25/04/2019 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheInvestigator · 25/04/2019 11:56

@Katie96x

Start your own thread.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 25/04/2019 11:57

@Katie96x - wrong thread

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 25/04/2019 11:58

I think it's pretty typical of their age tbh. You just have to stay consistent and teach the older 2 how to budget, perhaps with their allowance. My mum was very strict about pocket money. I could spend it on anything I wanted but once it was gone I wouldn't get any more until next Saturday.

TheInvestigator · 25/04/2019 11:59

@Katie96x

And don't ask that question on the internet. You will have been given an information sheet along with the appointment explaining when he can and cannot eat. There is a phone number on the sheet for you to call if you hqve any questions. Get proper medical advise, not opinions from randoms on the internet.

Singlenotsingle · 25/04/2019 12:00

Katie you need to start your own thread.

Penguinpandarabbit · 25/04/2019 12:01

Katie Check with who is doing operation, think its 6 hours but always best to check with specialists.