Another SIL one, AIBU?

[Marshmellow8]

Hey everyone newbie here, apologies for the rant but need to get this off my chest.

So DH & I had my SIL, her son, my sister & her DP over the Easter weekend. Initially it was only for one evening but SIL didn’t want to leave & stayed longer. She’s done this before on a few occasions.

As per usual she turned up empty handed. That didn’t bother me so much. What bothered me was that she invited herself to stay longer which meant I ended up cooking 3 meals a day for 3 whole days & not once did she offer to help cook/clean up or wash her dirty dishes. On two nights I tried to put her dirty mugs in the dishwasher before going to bed but she said she was still drinking the tea only for me to find the cup with the same amount of tea left in the morning but now there’s tea stains which I had to scrub to get out in the morning along with her dirty tissues/mess she left on the dining table. AIBU here?

On top of that my sister & her DP bought me my favourite chocs & some sweet treats & guess who ate most of them? I only had one piece & DH didn’t even have any, saw all the empty wrappers near SIL’s dinner plate. My sister & her DP volunteered to help me clear up & washed their own dishes a few times. They left both after one evening.

Honestly I just feel like they are not that nice towards me or DH. I mentioned this to DH but we end up arguing over it after he dropped them home, took him 4 hours in total to drop them & get home. I’m dreading the summer as she’s already invited herself to tag along with us on holiday & invited herself & her sons over for Christmas (she’s divorced) my DH didn’t say no so I didn’t feel like I could say no, what would you have done?

[KC225]

It all does sound very unfair. So we now know your DH's promise of 'I'll do it' means he is in no hurry will leave it whereas you won't leave things and will swoop in and do it.

I still think holidays are too stressful to have these sorts of guests. If you DH wants to book a cottage away for them or go and stay with her for a few days etc. Offer to host them - one day but bank on two. The extra night your DH can buy a takeaway or take them out for breakfast.

Please correct me if I am wrong, her grown up sons choose to live near their Father but she invites them to yours for Christmas so you do and pay for everything? I would say 'NO' you are entitled to an enjoyable Christmas. Stick to your guns. Offer a New Years day buffet or suggest its her turn to host and say you'll bring dessert and some crackers as a goodwill gesture.

[user1471590586]

Sounds like you have a husband problem if he is putting his sister before you. Does he realise that if you go to one of your siblings houses that you won't be cooking Xmas dinner for him? I assume you haven't got children that he will expect to stay with him? I'd tell him that if his sister wants to go on holiday with him that you are not going.

[Absofuckinglutely]

Your problem is your DH.

[pallisers]

I told him if she’s coming over for Christmas I will spend Christmas with one of my siblings instead to which he said maybe you should.

I'd leave him and his sister to be happy together tbh. He seems to prioritise her over you - no way would I tolerate that. Don't go on holiday with her. Don't host christmas. You really do have a dh problem.

And what's with the "dh said yes to the holiday so I felt I couldn't say no". Of course you can. It is your holiday too. Tell dh you aren't going if she is and you don't consider skivying after him AND his sister to be much of a holiday. Seriously she is the least of your worries - your dh is a bigger issue

[Drum2018]

my DH didn’t say no so I didn’t feel like I could say no, what would you have done

I'd have said no, that wouldn't suit. Grow a pair op and tell your Dh straight out that you are no longer going to play hostess to the bitch anymore. If she visits feel free to head off for the day, go visit your family for a few days. Dont buy in extra food, change bed clothes - leave it all to Dh. Let him cook and clean up after her. There is no way I would tolerate that in my house. Its up to you to stop pandering to her and your Dh. Tell him he can go to her house if he's so keen on spending time with her.

[Bringbackthestripes]

I can’t leave dirty dishes & food sitting out over night so I ended up doing it.

I normally can’t either so end up doing it. However, as DH has said he would do it then I would have stuck to my guns and left it for him to deal with in the morning, It might start making him think twice about having her over for so long. You should have brought up the fact she ate the treats that had been bought you as a gift-so rude! When she starts commenting about tagging along you should just say “not this time thanks, we are looking forward to family time” when she mentions Christmas just say you aren’t hosting this year as you have other plans. You will just have to keep shutting her down and stay firm.

[ClaireElizabethBeuchampFraser]

I couldn’t stay with a man who showed me so little respect!

I can’t believe he wasn’t horrified that his family didn’t even offer condolences when your Mum passed! He is allowing his family to treat you like a skivvy!

I would let him go on holiday with his sister, in fact, I would tell him you have no intention of keeping him from his sister, in fact he loves her company so much, so he should move in with her and then he can be the one to be her skivvy!

[magicstar1]

If I were you I’d go to my family for Christmas and leave your DH to look after his sister. Do no shopping or organising- leave it all up to him.