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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not ok to greet a colleague by blowing on the back of their neck

37 replies

DarrellMakepeace · 24/04/2019 21:30

And how should I have reacted? I'm kicking myself for not jabbing him in the ribs.

The context is that it was at an evening event where we were both working, and people were dressed up and socialising. I am freelance but work with this man twice a year, he was clearly trying to be jokingly flirtatious but it makes me feel sick.

I'm female btw.

OP posts:
Angie169 · 24/04/2019 21:36

Why on earth did he do that ? it certainly is not what I would class as fun flirty behaviour.
Flirting is fine under the right circumstances but that is just weird

Mammajay · 24/04/2019 21:40

Was it Donald Trump? Or Kevin McKenzie?

Original poster
DarrellMakepeace · 24/04/2019 21:44

If it was Trump I would have been prepared to jab him in the face.
I have no wish to be flirted with, I want professional boundaries.
Male overprivilige is what it is. I can't imagine a women going up to someone and doing that in a work context.

OP posts:
doodlejump1980 · 24/04/2019 21:45

Ewww totally inappropriate.

CherryPavlova · 24/04/2019 21:48

Depends how well you know them and what your relationship is like.
I have a best gay colleague friend who sneaks up when I’m being at my most serious in a meeting and kisses my cheek.
That’s fine because it’s funny for everyone else and I love him dearly.

One of my junior managers always greets me with a hug. That’s fine too. I know it’s not soliciting advantage. She’s just high by nature.

If it were someone I didn’t have a warm and tactile relationship with, I’d probably have asked in joking voice what they thought they were doing and made them squirm.

Original poster
DarrellMakepeace · 24/04/2019 22:00

I do not have a loving or tactile relationship with this person. I don't want to get them sacked but I feel annoyed at myself for not reacting more strongly at the time.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/04/2019 22:05

Could you send him an email:

Hi X,

Today, at a professional event, you greeted me by blowing on my neck. This made me very uncomfortable, and is entirely unprofessional. I do not intend to take this further, but be aware that it is inappropriate contact, and could leave you open to a complaint, if you repeat it with me or with anyone else.

Yours,
DarrellMakepeace.

Original poster
DarrellMakepeace · 24/04/2019 22:10

That's a good letter SDTG. Unfortunately I don't have his email.

OP posts:
ImposterSyndrome101 · 25/04/2019 04:58

Tbh my male friend and I regularly greet each other (try to make the other jump) by blowing at each others necks or ears. It 100% totally depends on your relationship with him though.

ImposterSyndrome101 · 25/04/2019 04:58

Tbh my male friend and I regularly greet each other (try to make the other jump) by blowing at each others necks or ears. It 100% totally depends on your relationship with him though.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 25/04/2019 05:06

I agree- friends, yes, if you have that type of relationship. Colleagues you see rarely- nope.

FraggleRocking · 25/04/2019 05:10

How odd! I definitely wouldn’t expect that from a colleague I work with twice a year - far too familiar. I’d probably steer clear of social interaction going forward and keep work relations quite formal.

JaneDoe8000 · 25/04/2019 05:11

It's not appropriate.

Why bring Trump into it?

Not all men are the same. I don't know any men that would do that.

It's quite easy to get a work colleague's email address.

JaneDoe8000 · 25/04/2019 05:13

I see the poster above you brought Trump into it, I stand corrected.

ilovesooty · 25/04/2019 05:54

Well if you didn't tell him at the time that his behaviour was inappropriate you've lost your opportunity now.

captainpantbeard · 25/04/2019 06:13

Prep yourself so you know exactly what you will say if he does it again.

madcatladyforever · 25/04/2019 06:20

YANBU it's incredibly creepy.

LellyMcKelly · 25/04/2019 06:41

Eww, no. That’s gross.

Original poster
DarrellMakepeace · 25/04/2019 09:02

JaneDoe to get his email address I would have to go through his employers - I am freelance and my works brings me into contact with him twice a year, when we work closely in dual management roles over three days. I am not interested in getting him fired.

I guess I just wanted confirmation that I'm not overreacting. Next time he tries anything like that he'll get the sharp edge of my tongue.

OP posts:
Sunonthepatio · 25/04/2019 09:34

Re the comment made by @Cheryl, I can't imagine any professional environment where you are running a meeting (or contributing to one) and an employee kissed your cheek. It's inappropriate, and actually it undermines your authority.

Bujinkhal · 25/04/2019 10:38

Male overprivilige is what it is. I can't imagine a women going up to someone and doing that in a work context.

Sorry but in this case it's really not, recently similar situation to yours (Work social event) I had a colleague greet me by scratching her nails all the way down my back.

I'm happily married with 5 kids, she knows this.

It's not male overprivilige, it's people without boundaries on what's acceptable.

Happyspud · 25/04/2019 10:52

Very weird! Is he totally socially awkward or a bit of a creep? It’s one or the other so my reaction would depend.

KnitterOfSocks · 25/04/2019 10:54

I cannot stand having my neck touched, that would have earned him an elbow in the face if he'd tried it on me - not on purpose, but I would have reacted as if someone was attacking me - even my DH knows not to go near the back of my neck without warning.

FriarTuck · 25/04/2019 10:55

Why not just say to him at the time that you don't like it, or give him a Hmm look? Surely that's the easiest and most obvious way of dealing with it? If you don't say anything at the time then as far as he's aware you don't have a problem with it.

Original poster
DarrellMakepeace · 25/04/2019 13:12

Thanks Friar of course it's my fault, thanks for pointing that out.

OP posts: