To think it's not ok to greet a colleague by blowing on the back of their neck

[DarrellMakepeace]

And how should I have reacted? I'm kicking myself for not jabbing him in the ribs.

The context is that it was at an evening event where we were both working, and people were dressed up and socialising. I am freelance but work with this man twice a year, he was clearly trying to be jokingly flirtatious but it makes me feel sick.

I'm female btw.

OP that's revolting and of course he should know that's not the right thing to do

do you have to work with him again?

It's always hard to think of a riposte but I use "would you do that to a man?"

When did I say it was your fault OP? Go on, point it out. What I said was that you should have said something there and then otherwise he doesn't know how you feel. Surely it's not that difficult to let someone know that they're doing something you don't like, whether it's blowing on you, standing too close, nicking your lunch, parking on your drive or whatever. Just say 'please don't do that, I don't like it'.

CherryPavlova really? You don’t mind someone coming up to you and demonstrating that clearly you don’t contribute anything important to this company as anything you say can easily be interrupted by something as inane as a kiss on the cheek? And everyone chuckling because of course it’s true, then getting back to smiling patronisingly at you and letting you finish your little speech.

Do you find it difficult at work to be taken seriously by any chance?

OP - you definitely aren’t overreacting here; and don’t worry I know that feeling of not really knowing how to react in the moment then kicking yourself later for missing the opportunity to respond. Rest assured, it’s perfectly fine to pick someone up on this and rebuke him next time. Alternatively, do you know anyone you could ask for his contact details so you can send an email now similar to what has been suggested?

FriarTuck but equally, this isn’t one of those grey areas of professionalism like using a nickname uninvited; it doesn’t take a genius to work out that blowing on someone’s neck is weird and unprofessional?

However, I can easily imagine being so taken aback by someone’s action I don’t immediately pull myself together to deliver a witty and sharp rebuke; having instantly made an assessment of how it may affect my ability to get more freelance work.

Oh FFS Friar. Maybe you would have the presence of mind to react like that in the moment, but not everyone would. When things like this happen people often have a delayed reaction because they’re so shocked, especially if you’re in “work mode”. OP can’t turn back time and react differently.

I agree with FriarTuck, you should have mentioned it when he did it or even at some point in the evening, just quietly told him not to ever do it again. Unfortunately the ship has now sailed.

One of my colleagues came up behind me one day and stuck her fingers in my ears. I nearly punched her in the face. And I really shouted at her. I actually shouted “what the hell do you think you’re doing? I nearly punched you then!” As I whirled around to see who had just violated me.
And we’re professionals in a professional work place.
I escalated it immediately to management- well one of them was sitting in the doorway and witnessed it- we were actually discussing something in depth like manual handling or fire safety. Once I regained my composure, I said that I was assaulted there, you don’t just go and stick your fingers in peoples orifices. A couple of other people then said she’d done they same to them so it was noted.
She’s not done it to anyone since.

Oh FFS Friar. Maybe you would have the presence of mind to react like that in the moment, but not everyone would.
Come off it, if someone blows on your neck you react in some way. You might shiver, you might waft your hand around, you might swear, or you might do a Gibble1! But you'd react in some way and that would let your colleague know that what he did was unacceptable. You wouldn't just stand there thinking 'this is unpleasant' and not moving a muscle.
it doesn’t take a genius to work out that blowing on someone’s neck is weird and unprofessional
No it doesn't, though in his office it might be one of those really 'fun' places where they get up to jolly japes and so he thinks everyone does that Or maybe he always does it to his colleagues and they don't 'have the presence of mind to react' in a normal way and twat him one so he thinks it's fine and a really cute habit that endears him to people.
If someone stood on your foot you'd react, so why is blowing on your neck so difficult to respond to?

Friar I did react, by wheeling round and pulling a face at him - I just wish I had had the presence of mind to do/say more.
I was looking on here for support, not to be accused of doing nothing and therefore getting the blame deflected back at me.

I have had this happen to me twice. Once by a stranger on a bus, last summer when it was very hot and I had bare shoulders. I was revolted and very obviously moved seats after telling him he was a filthy c*. He of course denied it but after getting the treatment of beady eyed glares from the rest of the bus got off.

The other was yesterday when I had my hair cut. The stylist instead of using a brush to get the hair off the back of my neck blew it off. I did not have a clear view so there was a very small possibility she was using a little fan or something but I don’t think so. She did a fab job on my hair so did get away with it but didn’t get a tip - that of course is another thread entirely, to tip or not to tip.

Sorry OP, left out that YANBU one bit.

Of course his behaviour is utterly unacceptable. I'd like to think I'd have called him out on it at the time but can appreciate we react differently. STGs email wording is perfect!

I find it difficult to believe you cannot easily obtain his email address from someone at the event, am surprised you don't have it already if you have worked closely together on projects several times a year tbh.