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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boy and girl siblings sharing a room Aibu?

31 replies

kittens876 · 24/04/2019 15:09

Ok so my son shares a room with his little (half) sister when he’s at his dads every other weekend. His sister is 6 and he is nearly 11. I feel that fairly soon this is going to be in appropriate. His dad feels it will be fine. Aibu? I just feel that as he’s getting older, it’s going to be getting weird soon. He’s going to need his privacy. The issue is they only have 2 bedrooms. The kids room is tiny, which doesn’t help. Although, I know they could afford to move to a bigger place as he earns a decent wage and they rent. Any thoughts? Thanks x

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 24/04/2019 15:12

It’s not your business. Sorry to be frank but you should stay out of this.

Honeybee85 · 24/04/2019 15:12

I agree. When children hit puberty it becomes natural to need privacy.

Is there any way they can divide the room with a curtain in the middle for example?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 24/04/2019 15:14

Although, I know they could afford to move to a bigger place as he earns a decent wage and they rent.

None of your business. Why should anyone move, have all that up heaval, and possible change of schools? all for 2 days in 14? Your son is at a point where he will be doing his own thing and seeing his dad much less frequently anyway.

These things have a natural way of working themselves out, I do feel sorry for the girl though having to share her personal space with a (half - to quote you) sibling.

Original poster
kittens876 · 24/04/2019 15:14

That’s a good idea. I’ll suggest it thanks xx

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 24/04/2019 15:15

I think your son may well show he is uncomfortable soon. He will look like a young man soon (if not already) and will vote with his feet if he's made to feel uncomfortable.

headinhands · 24/04/2019 15:18

Oh god don't suggest anything. As pp said he probably won't be spending so much time there as he gets older

Original poster
kittens876 · 24/04/2019 15:18

I was asking to try and figure out if Aibu. I think I’ll see if they can do the curtain thing xx

OP posts:
wigglesniggles · 24/04/2019 15:20

The NSPCC advises that children of opposite sex over the age of 10 do not bedroom share:

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-protection-system/legal-definition-child-rights-law/bedroom-sharing-moving-out/

wigglesniggles · 24/04/2019 15:21

Or rather: "We would not advise that children of the opposite sex over the age of 10 share a room."

Original poster
kittens876 · 24/04/2019 15:22

Thank you for the link x

OP posts:
Em308 · 24/04/2019 16:31

Of course it's your business, you're his mother - jeez some weird people on this site. A room divider of some sort may work?

ScreamScreamIceCream · 24/04/2019 16:57

@Em308 it is none of her business as you cannot legally dictate to another parent with parental responsibility what they should do with your joint child when they reside with them in day to day matters.

Also these matters tend to sort themselves out by the child saying something.

adaline · 24/04/2019 16:59

Considering he's only there once a fortnight, I don't think it's work causing a problem over. Presumably he'd tell his dad if he was uncomfortable?

A curtain or using wardrobes/furniture to divide the room could be an option, though.

NotMyUsualTopBilling · 24/04/2019 17:00

My 12yo DS shares with his 6yo sister all the time, not ideal but not exactly a massive issue in itself.

I shared with my brother (8 year gap) until I was 16.

stucknoue · 24/04/2019 17:02

2/14 isn't the same as them permanently sharing, and once he's a teen there's a good chance he won't be complying with the schedule (maybe he'll go on different weeks for instance)

BigRedLondonBus · 24/04/2019 17:13

The nspcc can advis e as much as it likes but there is no law

mum11970 · 24/04/2019 17:17

Don’t be ridiculous. Ds1 and dd have agreed to go on holiday with my parents this year even though they’ll probably have to share a room. They are 21 and 18 and have no problems with it. Ds1 ended up sharing with me on holiday a couple of years ago as well. If you use a bedroom just for sleeping in it’s not an issue.

SleepingSloth · 24/04/2019 17:19

Is he or his sister uncomfortable with it? If either of them are then discuss it then and your ex should help find a solution. It's possible neither of them will care so I'd wait and see.

It's only every other weekend, if my son and daughter had to sleep in the same room 2 nights out of 14, they wouldn't care and the age gap is similar.

Linning · 24/04/2019 17:50

I think YABU, if they only share every other weekend.

I am in my twenties and when I visit my family I usually share a room/bed with my DB3 (12yo) sibling or my DB2 (17yo one). They are also my step-siblings (though we grew up together) and 17yo is going to come visit me abroad for his 18th birthday and he is well aware that it will include sharing a room/bed. I don't find it particularly awkward at all but then I have sent DB2 out and about to get me tampons and other period products before and DB3 has no problem asking me questions about sexuality and else so we have a very non-taboo-talk-about-everything-even-the-awkward relationship which makes for a very easy co-sharing situation. :)

19lottie82 · 24/04/2019 17:53

I shared with my half brother who was 9 years younger than me from the age of 10 - 18, when I stayed at my Dads.
I wasn’t traumatised! Ideally I would have like my own room, but there was only 2 bedroom so that’s the way it was.

outpinked · 24/04/2019 17:55

My DC recently stopped staying over night at their Dad’s for a similar reason although this wasn’t half siblings, rather step siblings. His DP has two children and we have three together so it was five children sharing a small bedroom and her eldest is eleven. I just didn’t feel it was appropriate whatsoever given the fact he will undoubtedly be in the throes of puberty.

It is your business as his Mother, you have a duty to keep him safe and secure. Ask him whether he’s happy with the situation or not. Children experiencing puberty need privacy.

Impartialerror · 24/04/2019 18:18

Wow, don’t think MNetters remember a thread that was on here a few months back, about a mother’s concerns that her DD 11 was having to share a room with her step brother 16 and her step sister, whenever she visited her father. The comments on that post were totally the opposite as to this 1.

NotMyUsualTopBilling · 24/04/2019 18:31

Impartial, MN is a big place with lots of users so it's pretty likely that you will get different answers on threads because we don't see them all.

Nothing to do with "remembering" Hmm

BigRedLondonBus · 24/04/2019 19:27

11 and 16 is massively different to 11 and 6! they are not at all comparable

blackteasplease · 24/04/2019 19:29

I wouldn't like it if I was the Mum of the (younger) girl but in your shoes I would just leave it.