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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner lent mil money years ago and never told me!

37 replies

Shootingstar1115 · 24/04/2019 14:15

Ok, so it’s not as bad it sounds. We weren’t together at the time (a year or two before). He lent her 10,000. He never told me this and I’m unsure if she paid it back. Today we were clearing out some old paperwork together. He found a cheque book from 2008 and he had written a cheque for 10,000 when I questioned it (who wouldn’t) oh said I can’t remember and wasn’t sure and changed the subject. Who doesn’t remember lending someone 10,000??

He hasn’t got that kind of money now. All our money is tied up in the house and we are scraping by every month.

Because he changed the subject quickly so you think she never paid it back? Surely if she paid it back it wouldn’t of been something he didn’t want to talk about.

His money of course, this isn’t my problem because it was before we were together but Oh’s mum ‘lent’ us a few thousand to help with a car a few years ago but OH said we didn’t have to rush to pay it back and never did. Why? It just seems like I’m being kept in the dark.

I’m just confused to be honest. Why has he never mentioned it? Did she really manage to pay him 10000 back in the 1-2 years between him lending it and us being together? I mean 10,000! Surely kids should be borrowing off their parents, not the other way around.

What’s annoying me more is that my mum has asked to borrow money off me (usually the odd £50 or whatever). I don’t really have any spare so I have to say no and my OH gets agro saying that parents shouldn’t borrow off their children and ‘my mum would never ask to borrow money off me’ but she bloody has. Surely he just can’t forget about 10,000??

He also lent her 2 grand a few years ago (I knew about this) for a TV.

Am I over thinking this? Should I just let it slide?? I’m just confused!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 24/04/2019 14:17

What happened before you met him is absolutely none of your business. If it comes out of joint money, then it is your business.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 24/04/2019 14:17

I think you’ll just need to accept it’s got nothing to do with you. Not meaning to sound harsh - it’s just the way it is.

RedSuitcase · 24/04/2019 14:18

None of your business how he spent his money before you

areyoubeingserviced · 24/04/2019 14:20

Agree that it’s absolutely none of your business

RSAcre · 24/04/2019 14:21

None of your business how he spent his money before you

RSAcre · 24/04/2019 14:21

None of your business how he spent his money before you

Nicknacky · 24/04/2019 14:21

It was well before you met so I would let it go and not mention it again.

Ticklingcheese · 24/04/2019 14:22

Yes, you are over thinking this 😀
But re. You lending money to your dm, you need to teach your dp that doublestandard is not double so good 🤣.

AwdBovril · 24/04/2019 14:22

It was before you were together, none of your business. But, he doesn't get to say that parents shouldn't borrow from their children any more.

Petitprince · 24/04/2019 14:23

Sounds like he was paying her back money he'd previously owed, which may be why he doesn't want to tell you about it.

RSAcre · 24/04/2019 14:25

None of your business how he spent his money before you

No, but his hypocrisy is. What an almighty cheek to sound off about parental borrowing when OP's mum just wanted to borrow £50 - & to compound that with blatant lies that his own mother would never do it!

The OP is also in a quandary about the money they borrowed for the car: WAS it a loan, or was it a partial pay-back of cash previously loaned to partner's mother?

Adversecamber22 · 24/04/2019 14:25

Any financial stuff before you were together is not your concern. However his attitude of you not lending your Mum money but he did lend his Mother money after you have got together is unacceptable.

We have never had a penny from our families but DH did buy his Mum a car.

stayathomer · 24/04/2019 14:27

I'm assuming you're hoping you could possibly get some of it back now? I doubt it tbh, but definitely bring it up with him. Btw if she didn't pay it back and nothing was done it's too late now!

Nicknacky · 24/04/2019 14:28

It might not have been a loan to his mother. He could have been repaying money he owed her (or stolen from her) and that’s why he doesn’t want to talk about it.

SlothMama · 24/04/2019 14:39

OP It's nothing to do with you what he did with his money before you.

KC225 · 24/04/2019 14:44

Two grand for a TV - she could have bought a good telescope for half that and watched next doors

lyralalala · 24/04/2019 14:45

Are you sure he was lending her 10k and not paying back a loan from her?

That said his attitude to your mum borrowing £50 is ridiculous given his mum borrowed 2k for a tv.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 24/04/2019 14:47

Surely kids should be borrowing off their parents, not the other way around.

Or you could stand on your own two feet?

I echo others - its none of your business.

NoSauce · 24/04/2019 14:51

It’s hypocritical to say parents shouldn’t borrow money when your mum has asked in the past that’s for sure.

Regarding the 10k I’m surprised he hasn’t told you before now but he obviously felt he didn’t need to. Not much you can do about it now.

FunkyKingston · 24/04/2019 14:52

That said his attitude to your mum borrowing £50 is ridiculous given his mum borrowed 2k for a tv

That said, perhaps he's trying to help the op avoid the mistake he's made and being taken for a ride in the same way he has.

fruitbrewhaha · 24/04/2019 14:54

I'm also stuck on £2k for a TV!

CantStopMeNow · 24/04/2019 14:57

Oh’s mum ‘lent’ us a few thousand to help with a car a few years ago but OH said we didn’t have to rush to pay it back and never did
Shame you weren't so interested in finding out the 'why?' back then eh?

lyralalala · 24/04/2019 14:58

That said, perhaps he's trying to help the op avoid the mistake he's made and being taken for a ride in the same way he has.

But the OP never lends to her mum as she doesn’t have it. Plus his comment is that his mum would never, which she did.

Thatmustbemyname · 24/04/2019 14:58

Most likely it wasn't his mum but instead an ex, or to settle a debt and he's too embarrassed / sheepish to tell the truth... either way, def not your business

Easterbunnyhashoppedoff · 24/04/2019 15:00

Keep a mental note to say no to all requests for cash and don't feel guilty.
The past is irrelevant but you can stop her being a cf now.