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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner lent mil money years ago and never told me!

37 replies

Shootingstar1115 · 24/04/2019 14:15

Ok, so it’s not as bad it sounds. We weren’t together at the time (a year or two before). He lent her 10,000. He never told me this and I’m unsure if she paid it back. Today we were clearing out some old paperwork together. He found a cheque book from 2008 and he had written a cheque for 10,000 when I questioned it (who wouldn’t) oh said I can’t remember and wasn’t sure and changed the subject. Who doesn’t remember lending someone 10,000??

He hasn’t got that kind of money now. All our money is tied up in the house and we are scraping by every month.

Because he changed the subject quickly so you think she never paid it back? Surely if she paid it back it wouldn’t of been something he didn’t want to talk about.

His money of course, this isn’t my problem because it was before we were together but Oh’s mum ‘lent’ us a few thousand to help with a car a few years ago but OH said we didn’t have to rush to pay it back and never did. Why? It just seems like I’m being kept in the dark.

I’m just confused to be honest. Why has he never mentioned it? Did she really manage to pay him 10000 back in the 1-2 years between him lending it and us being together? I mean 10,000! Surely kids should be borrowing off their parents, not the other way around.

What’s annoying me more is that my mum has asked to borrow money off me (usually the odd £50 or whatever). I don’t really have any spare so I have to say no and my OH gets agro saying that parents shouldn’t borrow off their children and ‘my mum would never ask to borrow money off me’ but she bloody has. Surely he just can’t forget about 10,000??

He also lent her 2 grand a few years ago (I knew about this) for a TV.

Am I over thinking this? Should I just let it slide?? I’m just confused!

OP posts:
BluntAndToThePoint · 24/04/2019 15:01

I'm another one who says it's none of your business what he did with his money prior to meeting you. If times are tight now then that may be why your partner is reluctant to lend your parents £50 - your finances obviously weren't so bad when he could afford to give his mother £2000.

You sound as if you want his mother to repay a load of money in order to make your life easier.

Orangeballon · 24/04/2019 15:05

He could have been repaying her back a loan or a share of a win or inheritance.

Xenia · 24/04/2019 15:24

Perhaps he was paying her back 10% of what he owes and he still owes her £90k!

PregnantSea · 24/04/2019 15:28

It's none of your business so just forget it. However, it's none of his business if your mum asks to borrow money from you. Tell him to stop being a hypocrite.

mum11970 · 24/04/2019 15:35

Did your partner say he lent his mum £10,000 or are you just guessing? His mother may have lent him £10,000 and he paid it back in a lump sum. Whatever the circumstances were it is still none of your business.

KurriKurri · 24/04/2019 15:36

If he hasn't discussed it with you, you don't know the circumstances of the loan - if it was that. He may have been returning money he owed her, or any number of things that aren't your business - it was before he knew you, it's not your money - and if it was a loan, because it was pre your relationship, it's entirely up to him if he calls in that loan or not.

And as for kids should be borrowing from their parents not the other way around - I see it more as families help each other out if they can. I have lent money to my children, they have lent money to me. We help each other where and when we can. Circumstances change - when I had a good income I lent or gave money whenever i could help out. Now some of those people I lent to are wealthier than me and they help me out (or have offered to).

Sounds like your mil gave you money for a car and it wasn't paid back. Has she ever tried to call it in - if not then I wouldn't start kicking off, because if you have got the wrong end of the stick regarding the £10000, she might just get a bit fed up of interference by you and decide she wants the car money back. Maybe the telly money was your DH's attempt to pay back for the car.

I agree it would be nice if he explained, but he doesn't have to any more than you have to discuss what you spent your money on before you met him.

Shootingstar1115 · 24/04/2019 15:41

He got the cheque book out and was look at this I used to pay back credit card debts with a cheque then I had a glimpse and it said ‘mum loan 10,000’ with a list of other things he’s paid for using that same cheque book. I asked him he said he lent her money then changed the subject. We were sorting out paper work together.

I was told the car money she give us was a loan from her to us. Since then I’ve been reminding Oh to repay the money bug he’s like no it’s okay. She doesn’t want it. I’ve spent years feeling guilty we never Paid it back but guess we didn’t really need to! I’m just confused more than anything tbh.

I know his financial situation before he met me was none of business it’s just baffled me that’s all.

OP posts:
Andylion · 24/04/2019 15:54

I was told the car money she give us was a loan from her to us. Since then I’ve been reminding Oh to repay the money bug he’s like no it’s okay. She doesn’t want it. I’ve spent years feeling guilty we never Paid it back but guess we didn’t really need to! I’m just confused more than anything tbh.

So, the loan from her was actually her paying your OH back? I do think this concerns the OP as it is effecting their finances now.

MulticolourMophead · 24/04/2019 15:56

Actually, if this is having an affect on current finances (eg, whether the car loan is a loan or a partial repayment), then this £10,000 loan is the OP's business. Especially as OP says they are scraping by each month.

RomanyQueen1 · 24/04/2019 16:03

Seems like double standards from him.
What he did before you is no concern of yours, but going forward you need access to all money and to know where it is going.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 24/04/2019 16:09

If she lent you money to buy a car and he lent her money for a t.v isnt it just one paying off the other which ever way round it was?

Bellasorellaa · 24/04/2019 16:10

nothing to do with you

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