AIBU to not want sleepovers with pre-school children?

[NewcastleChick]

I am 51 years old. My DH is 50. My children are adults and have left home.

My SIL is 49, married, with 2 pre-school girls, aged 1 and 4.

SIL keeps commenting, that me and DH should be spending more time with our nieces, and that they would love to come to ours for a sleepover! Now, the thought of this fills me with dread. Our house is not baby proof, and they are extremely boisterous, normally breaking stuff when they are here.

SIL spent years travelling with work before having kids. When she was away most of her friends (and myself) were raising young children. I do get that she's stressed and wants some time away from them, but we've all been there and just had to get on with it. She sometimes expresses jealousy that me and DH are away on a nice holiday, and I feel like pointing out, that when she was travelling the world, we were here bringing up kids, and now it is our turn to travel. I don't say this though. And tbh, she is never nasty, I know she just would love a break.

We buy the girls lovely gifts for birthdays, Christmas, Easter etc, and we do visit them when we can (about once a month - they are not in the same town), but we both work FT and very long hours, so it's hard, and being brutally honest, I don't want to spend what very little time we have off work, with pre-schoolers. And I don't feel that I could cope with them sleeping over: I have forgotten what to do with such young children.

I don't know what I'm asking really!

So you SIL is clearly exhausted, and would like a break, just for a night? That doesn't seem unreasonable to me...

Everyone above commenting that she's a 'chancer' or a 'CF'. Yet countless parents on here complain about never having a break, as parents or family won't help.

We all know just how exhausting it is at that age. And while I'd never choose to go back and have a 1 & 4 year old, surely for one night you could help her out. If my SIL was in the same position, I'd could put myself out for a night of no sleep, considering the other 364 days I'd be alright! A little bit of compassion isn't unreasonable.

Of course you don't have to but if you get on instead of buying presents etc might be nice to offer to babysit few hours when you visit. Doesn't sound like she has much help n to be fair least you got a break when your kids used to go to their dad's.

No, YANBU at all. I’m 55, youngest child is 16. I wouldn’t want overnight responsibility for such young children (that weren’t my own grandchildren: even then not before they are 1) any more either.

I feel really sorry for your SIL. She is just asking for some help. A break to restore her sanity.

Even if you are not going to help, surely there is no need to rub it in with tinkly laughs and pointing out all your free time you have now.

I agree that it sounds likes she’s knackered and would like some time on her own which is understandable but yanbu to facilitate this if you don’t want to. Your DN are very young and require full time supervision and will be hard work no matter how well behaved they are.

I would probably offer to take them out for an afternoon one weekend to give her a few hours off though.

She voluntarily had a baby in her late 40s? I'm a 32 year old with one newborn and I'm about to drop dead from fatigue.

I would take young DN and DN for sleepovers but I'm in my 30s... very different later in life I'm sure!

Saying that, I can understand her asking for help so maybe you could offer to babysit at home where everything is child proofed or take them out somewhere child-friendly for a day?

I wonder if any of your reticence to help comes from suspecting she's not being honest about her DC pushing for sleepovers? My DD is 4 and is 'into' sleepovers atm due to seeing them on TV and having them with her cousins. I've had to explain to MIL that this hasn't come from me when DD asks her if she can stay over at hers.