Name changed for this.
I’ll try and keep this as brief as possible - apologies, though if it is long.
I’ve been with DP 3 years. I fell pregnant last year (unplanned, failed contraception) DP moved into mine 2 months ago and baby is now 3 weeks old.
I also have 2 children from previous marriage. This is DP’s 1st child. DP has not done a single night feed since baby was born. He’s changed a handful of nappies - won’t touch a poo nappy, only ones where baby has wee’d. He’s gotten baby ready a handful of times. He does barely anything in terms of housework - he’ll hoover and wash the odd dish but that’s about it. I do all the washings/ironing/etc... He does nothing to help with the other DC’s. He’s not cooked a single meal since we moved in together a couple of months ago. He’s been off work on paternity leave so has no excuse for not helping out. I’ve spoken to him about this but he turns it around and blames me, says I take control of these things then moan I have too much to do so there’s no reasoning with me. This is utter bullshit. I’m always asking him for help around the house and have said to him he needs to help out more with the baby. If I ask him to take a bin out he says he will and hours later the bin is still sitting there and I end up having to do it myself. I have to continually ask him to do simple things like close a drawer after he’s taken a top out, shut cupboard doors that he’s left open, put his dirty cup in the sink, put his empty cans in the bin, put his trainers away.... it’s like having another child. When the baby wakes in the night he just lies there pretending to be asleep so I have to get up and feed the baby. Hes not bathed the baby or got the baby dressed once either. He’s getting at least 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night and yesterday had the cheek to go and lie down for a couple of hours in the afternoon as he “had a headache” He swans off to the gym for 2-3 hours every day. I’ve literally not had a single second to myself since the baby’s been born. Even when I’m in the shower I can hear him pacing up and down the hall with the baby, waiting on me to come out.
I feel as though I’m banging my head against a brick wall when I ask him for help. There is so much resentment building up that I’m actually beginning to hate him. I was pretty horrible to him this morning after yet another night of being kept awake and him pretending to be asleep (we both went to sleep at 11, the baby was then back up at 1 and didn’t settle again till 5) DP slept from 11 till 7:30 and I had to wake him to look after the baby while I got the other kids ready for school. I told him I’d rather he just left as my life would be easier if I wasn’t in a relationship. I explained I’d been in this situation before with my ex and I’m not wasting years being on a relationship with a man I resent again. He basically made out I’m a control freak. He’s now went to his mums to stay.
Am I being controlling by asking him to help out? My heads all over the place bit I just can’t see any way back and feel if I stay with this man I’ll be forever miserable.