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Original poster

To expect people to not free load and atleast say thanks if they do

32 replies

Bobcut · 23/04/2019 12:59

In a nutshell, me, dh, our kids, sil and her husband bil and their baby and other sil went out for the day. I took a lot of snacks and food for everyone and got extra things they requested. Cost about £25 that was ok.

Then at lunch I had brought lunch for me the kids and the baby, plus the drinks and sides and bil went to get burger and fries, he ordered himself, his wife, baby and other sil one, my dh then said yes I’ll have a burger and fries too, each of these are £9.50, bil and sil just stood there and dh ended up paying for it.

How the hell does that make sense, you order 4 meals and let the one ordering 1 pay for the big bill of nearly £50. Who even orders a meal like that for a baby, and had already asked me to get the baby’s meal before coming which I did.

All in all they had a free day and we paid around £75.

No thanks, didn’t even finish their food, no thanks at the end- happens all the time.

The couple sil and bil always do this, never pay their way and the non married sil never doesn’t even bring money half the time. Angry

How can people free load like this
We all work we all have a mortgage bills kids, since when should we keep spending and they save all theirs ???

OP posts:
Bibijayne · 23/04/2019 13:01

It's rude. They're CFers, but your DH should have refused to pay/ tell them how much they owe. No excuses then.

WellGoshDarnIt · 23/04/2019 13:02

Your DH, (or you), needs to simply say, "you need to give me 9.50 each?" They're getting away with it because you're both letting them!

Stiffasaboard · 23/04/2019 13:05

Yes they aw totally CF but why did your DH pay?
He should have got his tenner out and said to BIL ‘are we paying separately or shall I give you a tenner to cover mine?’

Don’t go along with it and seethe silently.
When they ask you to bring snacks say ‘ok no problem but you can bring the drinks then and it’s fair’

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 23/04/2019 13:07

Why do you keep shelling out? Are you adults? You have DH doormat problem/

LordNibbler · 23/04/2019 13:10

Well if they keep doing it and you keep letting them, then it's your own silly fault isn't. If you keep doing the same thing and getting the same result.......

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 23/04/2019 13:10

If they had gone to order - at a counter / bar - surely they expected to pay?
Your dh should have either waited for them to pay their bill and then ordered knowing what they are like or just paid for his own. Most places are fine with split bills.

You either need to ask for the money back or next time a day out is planned say that it is bil, Sil, bil turn to bring the snacks and drinks and get lunch

Original poster
Bobcut · 23/04/2019 13:11

I think we are too generous and the sils have been brought up with this stupid mentality that he’s the brother he’s the man he can pay all the time to make up for their dad not being there. That was stupid enough but now we have our own kids to cater for and we’re all adults and in the same boat, and the bil should act like a man instead of an embarrassment

Every Christmas bday is the same
We give nice presents they give our kids tat, loads of little things to make up £20 when it would just make more sense to buy one item for £20 that they would actually use but to them it’s about quantity

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 23/04/2019 13:13

Well he needs to stop doing it then! This is hardly rocket science.

Original poster
Bobcut · 23/04/2019 13:14

We went on holiday and when we ordered drinks we would put on our room the younger sil also kept ordering and never said to waiter her room number Hmm
Then first night we paid for the drinks bill (food was already included) as they said we can take it in turns
The next day they said we’ll split it Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Bobcut · 23/04/2019 13:15

He said he will never do that again now because now he realises they are just taking the piss and have no shame.
But I can’t believe people like this exist in the first place
Atleast say thanks guys at the end of the day just that means something
Pissed me right ofd

OP posts:
InadvertentlyBrilliant · 23/04/2019 13:15

Your DH should have either:-

  1. handed over £10 to the pub/ burger van/whatever it was and said he was paying for one so that he had £0.50 change and just walked away with it or
  2. Stood there silently for longer than the others to force one of them into paying. (Pay back time for them doing it so regularly).

It isn't something you arranged so they thought you were taking them out as a treat was it? Only it also seems a bit cheeky that they asked you to bring certain things along.

Holidayshopping · 23/04/2019 13:17

He said he will never do that again now because now he realises they are just taking the piss and have no shame.

Brilliant-problem solved! I would never have let it go on for more than one occasion though.

Original poster
Bobcut · 23/04/2019 13:17

No just a Easter Day out to take the kids
They think we’re made out of money I think that’s what the problem is
I’ve told thick sil before even if you do earn more your living costs go up, bigger house bigger mortgage etc

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 23/04/2019 13:17

Well, if you're a doormat you can't really complain that people wipe their feet on you...

LunaAzul · 23/04/2019 13:19

Stop paying for them. Your DH should have just paid for his own food and left them to it.

RedDogsBeg · 23/04/2019 13:28

Tell them that you are fed up with them behaving like this and use yesterday as an example. Tell them you are not going to be used like this anymore so unless they change their attitude there will be no more family days out with them.

If you still want to go out to places with them in future state quite clearly beforehand that they need to bring whatever they require and also enough money to pay for themselves as you will only be considering what you, your children and dh need and will be paying for yourselves and no-one else. If you go and on the day they haven't done what you asked because they think your too soft and they can just play you like they always do, stand firm and refuse.

The cycle of taking advantage and your build up of resentment will continue unless you break it.

Holidayshopping · 23/04/2019 13:33

took a lot of snacks and food for everyone and got extra things they requested. Cost about £25 that was ok.

Why did you do that?

Sindragosan · 23/04/2019 13:35

Don't arrange to go out with them, and if they ask to arrange something, say you're sorry but its just too expensive to pay for everyone.

TixieLix · 23/04/2019 13:38

I was sympathetic until I got to the line The couple sil and bil always do this, never pay their way and the non married sil never doesn’t even bring money half the time

That makes it sound as though it has happened several times. Once would have been unfortunate. Twice would have been a bloody cheek. If you've let it continue more than that without saying something then don't just moan on here, say something to the CFs and don't enable them FFS!

senbei · 23/04/2019 13:42

I think we are too generous and the sils have been brought up with this stupid mentality that he’s the brother he’s the man he can pay all the time to make up for their dad not being there.

This is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. It doesn't matter how much money you have/they think you have - you can be a billionaire and it's still good form for people to contribute their fair share! Stop paying for them in the future. People like this thrives on others being too polite or ashamed to say "no".

Pinkyyy · 23/04/2019 13:43

More fool you both for allowing it to continue. You're adults, time to open your mouth and say something

Original poster
Bobcut · 23/04/2019 13:53

@Holidayshopping I think as my family are all equal at being generous we just do things for eachother it’s normal and as everyone does it back you don’t think twice, so naturally you think everyone’s the same and you feel weird if you act in a way not natural to you but I definitely am starting to change with inlaw side as they don’t do it back or appreciate it. I’m just glad dh has finally started to see and feel how I’ve felt for years. He said he will say something to mil so she can indirectly say it to them. We just feel too embarrassed to say it to them ourselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bobcut · 23/04/2019 13:54

What pisses me off the most is the lack of gratitude, if someone treats me I say at the end aww thanks for today you really shouldn’t have, we’ll do it again but next them it’s on me. They don’t.

OP posts:
KaterinaPetrova · 23/04/2019 13:56

Sorry but I say your DH screwed up here. Freeloaders will freeload whenever possible.
When your DH asked them to get a burger for him too and they just stood there expecting him to pay he should have said, "Oh sorry, of course, here!" And handed BIL a tenner to cover the burger and fries he ordered.

Now if they still expected your DH to pay the only suitable response to this is laughter and a reminder that you've already paid for all the snacks including what the ordered for their baby.

Samind · 23/04/2019 14:00

Has it always been this way? Have they ever paid for you and DH on an occasion?