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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for help with my phobia

33 replies

BumpIntheNite · 23/04/2019 08:05

I know IABU with this stupid, stupid phobia.

It started when I was about 8. The fear is worse, if anything, as I've gotten older.

I'm afraid of ghosts/spirits. Even though I know logically they don't exist. I'm very skeptical, scientific, logically minded.

But this phobia is overwhelming. It's at it's worst at night time, I feel convinced that there's something evil in the room and it's going to 'get' me. The fear is utter panic.

I didn't sleep with the light off until I was mid 20s. I used to avoid hotels in case they were haunted.

Thing is, I'm married so I'm with my husband every night. And I'm fine. If I'm with someone, I'm fine.

But for the first time in 5 years, DH has to go away for work from tomorrow for a week. I'll be on my own in the house.

I'm already nervous.

Any advice/tips on how I can cope?!

PLEASE don't post your ghost stories or experiences of anything weird, I have to avoid any 'woo' threads because they're triggering. This is a genuine phobia.

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 23/04/2019 08:13

There is evil in the world. It walks with the living, not the dead.

Distract yourself. Good film/book. Games on phone. Don't try for early night. Stay up late you'll sleep better

Original poster
BumpIntheNite · 23/04/2019 08:22

There is evil in the world. It walks with the living, not the dead

I actually found that reassuring, I'll keep reminding myself.

Thank you - I'll get a few books from the library today, that's a great idea. Hopefully I'll be able to fall asleep with my nose between the pages and stop myself panicing.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 23/04/2019 08:23

If it’s at the stage where it’s debilitating and affecting your day to day life, it might be a good idea to look into CBT to help tackle it. I had CBT for a phobia and found it very helpful.
As for short term, would a night light help?

Original poster
BumpIntheNite · 23/04/2019 08:32

I'm having CBT for another issue (childhood trauma, oh it's just clicked, maybe it's linked?! Shit.)

Yes I'll have to leave all the lights on - I'll sleep poorly but it'd be better than not sleeping at all.

OP posts:
Lifecraft · 23/04/2019 12:13

Thing is, I'm married so I'm with my husband every night. And I'm fine. If I'm with someone, I'm fine. But for the first time in 5 years, DH has to go away for work from tomorrow for a week. I'll be on my own in the house.

2 women a week are murdered by their partners, but 0 women a week are murdered by ghosts.

So when your husband goes away, relax. You're safer than when he's with you!!! Grin

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 23/04/2019 12:25

@lifecraft Grin

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 23/04/2019 13:40

@Lifecraft Now that is bloody terrifying.

Would watching something positive and mindless on TV (like parks and rec?) until you fall asleep help?

Yes to CBT long term, but it also might be worth talking to your counsellor about whether they have any short term tricks to help you get through the week.

Good luck OP.

Miffymeow · 23/04/2019 14:14

I'm not scared of anything like that but I just get very anxious / upset while my partner is away so I take a nytol to help me sleep. Seems to be doing the trick pretty well currently.

maybe try leaving a tv on in your room? Sometimes I put kids tv on youtube while I go to sleep which helps a bit.

GummyGoddess · 23/04/2019 14:22

Could a friend come and stay over? Like a sleepover, I'd love that if I was your friend and I'm early 30's.

Original poster
BumpIntheNite · 23/04/2019 17:55

@GummyGoddess

Sadly all my friends are busy with their normal lives!

I'm mid 30s too; you're so invited.

I have gin...

2 women a week are murdered by their partners, but 0 women a week are murdered by ghosts.

Well that makes me feel better and worse.

I take a nytol to help me sleep

I have night nurse tablets? Worth a try!

OP posts:
oopslateagain · 23/04/2019 18:01

Can you sleep with music on? I can't, but my (adult!) DD has music playing all night on very low - ABBA-style pop and musicals mainly. It would prevent you hearing any normal but odd noises in the night, and be a good distraction until you fall asleep.

GummyGoddess · 23/04/2019 19:02

Do you have any pets? I was afraid of the dark until I realised that if something was up or there was an intruder my cats would freak out. If they follow me around the house in the dark or yowl constantly it means everything is fine.

SamanthaJayne4 · 23/04/2019 22:41

OP I am 66 and I can honestly tell you I have never experienced anything spooky. I have lived in old and new properties. I do occasionally "see" something out of the corner of my eye but it is just an optical illusion due to wearing bifocals! I hope that reassures you a bit. I also don't feel quite as happy when OH is not here at night time.

JellyNo15 · 23/04/2019 22:49

When I was a child at an evening carol service another child said the graveyard was even spookier in the dark. The vicar said to us group of kids. No one belonging in there will bother you, they are long gone it is the living who you need to be wary of.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 23/04/2019 22:54

You are not alone this has been a life long fear of mine
Things that help
Having mundane radio/ funny podcast playing in one ear bud at night -guilty feminist is one I favour as it’s funny women v comforting
Go swimming or exercise each day oh is away so you are as tired as poss
Record and watch light comedy before bed something like friends or something that is fluffy and obviously avoid game of thrones before bed!
Control your thought and train your mind using mindfulness and distraction
Go see GP for CBT therapy if available or pay for it if you can afford
The evil is in your creative imagination not your boudoir my love so join a creative writing group and focus your mental energy on a writing or poetry you probably have talent in that area that needs exercising

MrsKrabbapple · 23/04/2019 22:55

I've never believed in ghosts or spirits or anything like that. My dh goes away for work quite often. I lock all the doors as soon as I get in from work and put on my PJs. Have a dinner he wouldn't eat (Mini Kiev's) and watch tv he wouldn't want to watch. It's enjoyable I promise.

justasking111 · 23/04/2019 22:57

I listen to an old programme I know by heart on netflix I pick a series, just finished Gilmore Girls now on Cold Feet, that puts me to sleep. You could try BBC I player or ITV player or find an old movie on you tube. I used to have a red bulb in a bedside lamp that made me feel happier when I was little. Buy a nursery light.

CoolCatKat · 23/04/2019 22:58

When I've got to sleep in house alone i leave every light on in the whole and even in my bedroom, where i wear an eye mask. Ridiculous and a waste of energy i know but its the only way i feel safe.
I do sympathise x

CoolCatKat · 23/04/2019 22:59

*whole house

Tillygetsit · 23/04/2019 23:07

My friend's teenage daughter had the same phobia. My friend told her to imagine an impenetrable white dome around her...very white light. She said nothing could get in to harm her. Sounds daft but it worked.

KateyKube · 23/04/2019 23:23

I was a very nervous kid. A lady in a new age type shop told me that a five pointed star is a symbol of protection, and you can mentally draw the star around yourself and imagine it as a glowing protective barrier that bad things can’t cross. At night I’d mentally draw this star around my bed, and it made me feel safe and able to sleep. You might try it?

Original poster
BumpIntheNite · 24/04/2019 06:50

Thanks very much for the suggestions! I'll try everything.

Sadly no pets (would love a dog). Maybe by the time DH gets home I'll have got one! Grin

Urg I slept badly last night just thinking of sleeping alone. DH is going tomorrow now, not today, so Thursday night will be the first night alone. Sad

The phobia was so bad in my teens that I couldn't sleep at night and only slept in the day, it affected my health terribly and I left school at 15.

In my 20s I stayed in an abusive relationship for 4 years, a big factor in staying was avoiding having to sleep alone again. Blush

I think I'm going to have to admit this phobia to my CBT therapist. Do you think she'll laugh at me?

I don't even believe in the paranormal. But the fear something evil will suddenly appear or touch me or move something once it's dark is very, very real. I'm paralysed with fear.

OP posts:
Kattyy · 24/04/2019 07:29

Go to your gp, explain the situation, and get some diazepam prescribed. I used to have a fear of flying and it helped somewhat...

panticus · 24/04/2019 07:48

OP I'm a bit nervy with things like that too, so I fully sympathize. My husband travels a lot for work and we live on an acreage so I've had to train myself to cope with being alone at night. Things that help me are:

  • Leaving a light on in the lounge all night.
  • Falling asleep with a reading lamp on (I usually turn it off at some point in the night).
  • Reading something familiar, light and relaxing in bed (eg Garfield comics!).
  • Avoiding anything even moderately unsettling on tv in the days leading up to being alone (even things like Law and Order can jangle me).
  • I don't know if you use Facebook messenger but if I wake up at an ungodly hour I sometimes like to check who is online. If you have lots of Facebook friends I guarantee there will be people lit up with a green light no matter what time of day. For some reason I find that very comforting.
  • Sleeping tablets.

Good luck, you can do it Smile

Original poster
BumpIntheNite · 24/04/2019 08:04

@panticus thank you - I'll do all of your suggestions. I'll watch Big Bang Theory before getting into bed - and YES I can totally understand those green FB messenger lights being comforting, I'll do the same and keep my phone handy.

Urg I feel like a child who's scared of the invisible monster in the wardrobe!

OP posts: