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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave my job?

55 replies

CleverQuacks · 22/04/2019 21:02

I am a single mum to three beautiful children. My youngest is 4 years old and has a range of special needs including development delay, hyper mobility, and speech disorder.

I currently work full time in a job that I have previously loved but more recently I have lost all passion in my work. I am just so bored. I have looked at other jobs but my heart isn’t in it.

Out of boredom tonight I have been on “entitled to” and done a benefits calculator and discovered I could receive just as much in benefits as I am currently earning. This would also mean I could be at home with my kids (paying no childcare) and take my youngest to all his appointments.

I suddenly feel free and excited at the prospect of being a SAHM. However I should also say (don’t want to drip feed) I have borderline personality disorder and can be very impulsive and manic so I am worried I will regret my decision when this excitement wears off.

What does everyone think?? Do I quit my job and stay at home with the kids?? (Also does anyone know how accurate the benefit calculators are. I don’t want to leave my job and then find out it’s wrong!)

OP posts:
TwoBlueFish · 23/04/2019 17:03

On UC you would get
£317.82 single element (over 25)
£160.20 carers element
£277.08 1st child element
£231.67 2nd child element
£231.67 3rd child element (if born before April 2017)
£126.11 or £392.08 disabled child element. Higher rate is if your child receives high rate care

So somewhere around £1344.55-£1610 depending on your child’s DLA. You would also get child benefit, DLA and any maintenance that the kids dad pays.

Any savings over £6000 will mean your benefit would start to reduce.

If that’s enough to cover all your bills
And you need a breather from work then yes I would do it. I have a disabled child and completely melted down when I was working full time. I now work part time and it’s saved my mental health.

Is there anyway you could take a sabbatical from work? Or ask them if you could reduce your hours (job share maybe). Having some kind of work is also good for your mental health.

No housing element as you own. Carers allowance (if you claim) would be deducted £ for £

CleverQuacks · 23/04/2019 17:03

@mimibunz I used to feel exactly the same as you. How is it fair that people can not work and earn more than those working so hard. It’s only recently that my thinking has shifted. I don’t know what’s caused the change, maybe it’s the daily grind of trying to do everything and failing miserably.

OP posts:
Graphista · 23/04/2019 17:48

Honestly? I'm a single disabled mum with several mh conditions to a disabled (now adult) child.

Those calculators are a guideline only and rarely accurate. Because everyone's circumstances are very individual.

I'm currently on legacy benefits (ESA, DLA, housing benefit, council tax benefit) and have been for almost 10 years as I haven't been close to well enough to work.

I am DREADING anything changing. I've been advised by those who know the system inside out to avoid change for as long as possible because it's being VERY poorly managed at the moment.

I have to wonder if you've not been keeping up with current events on this issue?

Benefits have been frozen, meaning in real terms reduced, for several years. UC is a complete fucking farce, some people have been left without any money/income for several months/up to a year.

The rules are constantly being changed - and NOT in favour of recipients.

There's a huge stigma to being on benefits at the moment as this govt has done an excellent job of demonising recipients in both msm and SM.

You WILL get people even complete strangers making comments to you and your children if they find out.

The income is not guaranteed and in your position if you default on your mortgage you'll lose your home. It's bloody hard to get housing if in receipt of benefits. Also would you be in breach of the terms of your mortgage if you quit work?

Re work - it's an employers market and I don't see that changing anytime soon especially with brexit.

I (in hindsight falsely) thought I was well enough to return to work a couple of years ago. I hold 2 degrees, a wealth of experience and excellent refs, I was applying for a wide variety of roles nmw up, part and full time even seasonal, locally and including commuting to my nearest city which is a 90 min train journey away...

I made over 300 applications and got 4 responses - all rejections.

I was supported by a specialist work coach, had my cv & letters pulled to pieces, was advised which employers were more amenable to applications from people who'd had long career breaks and even were sympathetic to disabled/mentally ill.

It's incredibly hard to get back into work after a break of more than about 3 years - that is what not only the work coach I was working with but several friends I know who work in recruitment around the country were telling me. And my understanding is that now with brexit that's become even worse.

There aren't even many college courses now to refresh knowledge/provide recent qualifications to show prospective employers because of the cuts.

You need to think very carefully before you decide.

I'd advise you speak to someone LOCAL re benefits as these vary locally too, I always use the councils welfare rights office. They not only know what system your locale comes under they also know how long the backlog for processing applications is too. Some parts of the country are managing the 6-8 weeks that is supposed to happen, others as I said many months before you see a penny.

Also speak to several people with LOCAL knowledge of the job market from a recruiting standpoint. They will know the reality for people returning to work after a long gap and likely have a good idea of the likely outlook for next 5-10 years if they've worked in recruitment for a while.

Personally I'd say avoid if at all possible. I'm grateful for the help I've received while also recognising it IS being very tightened up and this govt is making it much much harder to claim than it has been in the past.

Being on benefits is NOT easy.

Mimi - it is unfair BUT not in terms of benefits being "too much" I can assure you they're not! But in terms of wages being ridiculously low! Employers should be paying an actual living wage and not be getting subsidised by tax payers. It's a piss take especially when multi billion £ companies are paying nmw!!

Fartymcnarty · 23/04/2019 18:15

My kids are teenagers now, I always worked full time and now feel like I have missed so much!!! Even just the opportunity to drop off and pick up from school which I never did.
The youngest years go so fast and I look back now feeling really sad that I was always at work!!
I’d say if you can, go for it but maybe take on some sort of study to keep your mind occupied.

RomanyQueen1 · 23/04/2019 18:16

mimibunz

Why do it then, go on benefits yourself, rather than complaining how it's so unfair. Make it fair for yourself, go on.

Or realise the OP is at the end of her tether with no life trying to make things better for her family and gain some sort of life.

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