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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my job?

55 replies

CleverQuacks · 22/04/2019 21:02

I am a single mum to three beautiful children. My youngest is 4 years old and has a range of special needs including development delay, hyper mobility, and speech disorder.

I currently work full time in a job that I have previously loved but more recently I have lost all passion in my work. I am just so bored. I have looked at other jobs but my heart isn’t in it.

Out of boredom tonight I have been on “entitled to” and done a benefits calculator and discovered I could receive just as much in benefits as I am currently earning. This would also mean I could be at home with my kids (paying no childcare) and take my youngest to all his appointments.

I suddenly feel free and excited at the prospect of being a SAHM. However I should also say (don’t want to drip feed) I have borderline personality disorder and can be very impulsive and manic so I am worried I will regret my decision when this excitement wears off.

What does everyone think?? Do I quit my job and stay at home with the kids?? (Also does anyone know how accurate the benefit calculators are. I don’t want to leave my job and then find out it’s wrong!)

OP posts:

Gabrielknight · 23/04/2019 13:00

Stay in work. Who knows what will happen to the welfare system. It might look good now... But a few years down the line....

Gazelda · 23/04/2019 13:03

I think you would regret your decision.

Is there any way you can do your job PT? Or are there other roles you can transfer into with your employer?

I get that it's hard bring FT, single parent, have a DC with additional needs. You must be constantly juggling.

But the security of employment is so valuable.

Try to see what other options there might be.

Original poster

CleverQuacks · 23/04/2019 15:19

So the majority are saying stay in work :( not the answer I was hoping for! It’s just so hard juggling kids, hospital appointments for my son, work, and my mental health. It’s exhausting and I feel like I have no quality of life

OP posts:

Holidayshopping · 23/04/2019 15:21

I didn’t think you got benefit help towards a mortgage? Am I incorrect?

RomanyQueen1 · 23/04/2019 15:29

I haven't worked post dc and have no regrets.
Being at home with your dc is amazing if that's what you want.
Double check your finances and go for it, and I bet most of those who tell you not to would love to be at home with their kids, otherwise they wouldn't have had them.

Original poster

CleverQuacks · 23/04/2019 15:30

No I wouldn’t get any help towards the mortgage but the other benefits would allow me to pay the mortgage and my other expenses with enough to live on.

OP posts:

Holidayshopping · 23/04/2019 15:31

No I wouldn’t get any help towards the mortgage but the other benefits would allow me to pay the mortgage and my other expenses with enough to live on.

Wow, really? Do you mind me asking how much you’ve calculated you will receive each month?

Original poster

CleverQuacks · 23/04/2019 15:44

Well I have done two different calculators. One said 1,900 a month, the other said 2,200 a month which is why I worry they may not be accurate. I have been going with the lower sum.

OP posts:

theonewiththecats · 23/04/2019 15:45

I think staying in work is sensible but most posters on here arent lone parents, carers for a disabled child and working full time on top. I have a severely disabled DD and only manage half days and about to jack that in as well as my LA stopped inclusive holiday schemes i.e. nowhere to send her during school hols and don't get me started on wrap around childcare for children with SN.

Is your 4 year old in school yet? if not, do you have access to wrap around and school holiday childcare. This is often the biggest barrier to work for parents with disabled DC. You may be forced to leave anyways.

LadyWithLapdog · 23/04/2019 15:46

The question, RomanyQueen, was not whether we love our kids and want to spend time with them. The question was whether it’s wise to give up work to live off benefits instead.

rainbowbash · 23/04/2019 15:48

Wow, really? Do you mind me asking how much you’ve calculated you will receive each month?

child is on DLA, there is a carers element to TC/UC etc. surely if someone is caring for somebody with complex needs and 3 more children then they should have a decent standard of living. It's bloody hard work to care for someone disabled, you know?

swingofthings · 23/04/2019 15:56

How old is your eldest? Do you get any child maintenance? Are you in a job you could easily go back into in say 5 years? How many years have you contributed towards your pension so far?

Original poster

CleverQuacks · 23/04/2019 16:04

My eldest is 11 so doesn’t really require any childcare (he lets himself in at home after school until I get home from work).

I get very little maintenance because their dad is on benefits.

I work in children’s social services so there are regular jobs advertised but obviously no guarantee that I would get one.

I do have provisional wrap around care arranged for my youngest (he starts school in September) but I am worried about how he will cope with this.

OP posts:

theonewiththecats · 23/04/2019 16:14

have you got school holiday childcare in place (or a plan).

Original poster

CleverQuacks · 23/04/2019 16:18

Not really. There is a local playscheme for children with SEN but it only runs in the summer holidays. His dad will be able to do some of the holiday care but this will depend on his health (he has a long term health issue). It’s all so hard to juggle it all.

OP posts:

swingofthings · 23/04/2019 16:19

It's a tough decision because what will benefit you in the short term (better quality time with your kids) could hinder you in the future.

Original poster

CleverQuacks · 23/04/2019 16:23

Exactly swingofthings! In the short term there is no question in my mind that staying at home would be the best. But it’s the long term is my worry. When the kids are grown up will I be able to get back into work?? What will happen with my pension etc? It’s so hard!

OP posts:

theonewiththecats · 23/04/2019 16:23

... could hinder you in the future.

this future often doesn't exist for parent-carers. sometimes we have to look after ourselves too in order to continue caring.

RomanyQueen1 · 23/04/2019 16:34

Would you get pension credit?
You would definitely be able to get back into work again, it might not be at the level you were used to, maybe starting again at nmw.
I worked for a while some time ago, just walked straight into it having not worked for 20 odd years.

theonewiththecats · 23/04/2019 16:38

if you receive carers allowance, you get pension points.

Original poster

CleverQuacks · 23/04/2019 16:42

Oh I didn’t know that about the pension points. That’s really reassuring to know.

Does anyone know how long it will take to get all my benefits in place? How long will I be without money from the date I leave work (if I decide to leave)

OP posts:

theonewiththecats · 23/04/2019 16:45

you get class 1 pension credit points

www.litrg.org.uk/tax-guides/disabled-people-and-carers/caring-someone/pension-and-national-insurance-carers

but you only get CA if you child gets Dla middle of high rate care, you cannot get it for low rate care.

ConfCall · 23/04/2019 16:50

My concern is that a new chancellor (and there will almost certainly be a new one before the next budget) might slash/tighten up benefits, and you’ll be left with a reduced income and a gap on your CV. I think it’s risky OP. However, I don’t think it’s unethical - benefits are there to get people over the bumpy times in life and I completely understand your thinking.

mimibunz · 23/04/2019 16:51

I hate that someone can just decide to stop working and end up with more in benefits than I make working 37 hours per week. It’s so unfair.

rainbowbash · 23/04/2019 16:55

Mimi, OP has a disabled child. fancy swapping your presumably healthy child for one with additional needs severe enough to qualify for DLA?

Lucky mums we are with our disabled children who often need lifelong 24/7 care! life is really not fair in those with healthy kids.

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