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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be troubled by this encounter on the beach?

81 replies

PurpleKelp · 22/04/2019 21:00

Nb, regular user name changed for this.

I’ve just finished watching the McCann documentary on Netflix. While watching I was reminded of a (completely unrelated) but troubling incident that happened to us on the beach a few years ago.

Now it’s on my mind again. As I think it was suspicious but have never been able to figure out how, or why, or whether I should do anything about it.

It was a warm spring summer day. We were on our local beach. My daughter (4 or 5 at the time) was in her swimsuit running in and out of the shallows. My son was in his buggy. We walked as a family slowly up the beach. As we did so, we were approached by a couple who asked if they could film us collectively walking up from the sea, at a future time, to make an intro for a promotional film they were making to raise funds to build a recovery retreat locally for adults who had suffered trauma.

The man was quite beguiling. His appearance was unusual and his accent possibly Belgian or Austrian. He wrapped me into a story about his own recovery from trauma and what he hoped to do with the new centre.

Naively, I gave him my email address and said he could contact me in the future.

All this time I hadn’t really noticed, but another adult in our group pointed out afterwards, that the young ish woman accompanying him who had not said a single word, had been watching my young daughter intently, enough to unsettle her and for her to remark upon it to me.

I never heard from this man. And when I googled I found absolutely nothing about the potential recovery centre. Things like this would typically make the local press, if they were fund raising or wanted planning permission. But nothing. And still nothing years later.

It’s the attention on my daughter that bothers me still. Should I have alerted someone to these people and their behaviour?

It may or may not be relevant but my daughter is a very pretty girl, long dark blonde hair and large green eyes, porcelain skin.

Would it have unsettled you and what might you have done about it if so?

OP posts:
Acis · 22/04/2019 22:29

The woman could have been looking at your daughter because she was pretty, or because she looked like someone she knew, or because she was thinking they might be able to use her in more of the film, or for any number of reasons. Indeed, she might have had a squint and actually she was looking somewhere totally different. The film never got made because they didn’t get round to it, had a better idea, or whatever. This really was a total non-event.

Bumblebeesmum · 22/04/2019 22:32

I think it’s odd behaviour & maybe he was hoping to spend more time with you / her - but it was years ago there’s no point even thinking about it now

Hecateh · 22/04/2019 22:34

Pretty sure if you had gone to the police they would have rolled their eyes and dismissed your story.

You clocked it and, if anything had happened in the near future, it would have registered and you would have reported it.

It didn't and you didn't.

For all 'bad things happen', there are many many more occasions when, (despite any weird feelings) nothing happens.

Chalk it up to experience and be glad that, on that occasion, you were wrong

HazelNutinEveryBite · 22/04/2019 22:34

More than 20 years ago we stayed at self-catering apartment in Turkey, it was quiet as it was the end of the season and October school holiday break.

A group of photographers were taking pictures of the resort, they were Germans (from TUI they told us, taking pics for the next summer holiday brochure). They asked if our 7 year old daughter would sit on an empty sunbed whilst they took their shots. The rest of the family watched, the weather was not incredibly hot so she was wearing a summer dress not swimsuit. Her role was to sit there looking angelic and wearing sunglasses reading her book.

She was blond haired and blue eyed. It occurred to us later that she possibly looked like a German child and that was probably their reason for choosing her.

Our only regret is that we did not ask for copies of the pictures as it would have been lovely to have them, now she is grown up.

OP you are probably over thinking this one. The main thing is never to let your young children out of your sight on holiday or anywhere else.

Grandadwasthatyou · 22/04/2019 22:34

An absolute waste of time ringing police. What on earth are they supposed to do?

Nomorepies · 22/04/2019 22:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Nat6999 · 22/04/2019 22:44

We went on holiday when DS was 8 & went in a seaside pub at night, there was a small amusement area for the kids. DS camee back to us at the table & told me that a man was giving the kids money to play the machines with, I immediately went & spoke to the bar staff, the man was on his own & was watching the kids. The manager pulled up the CCTV & saw the man handing money to a small child, he rang the police straight away, this man was a known paedophile. I'm glad that my son had the sense to come & tell me, the place was packed & even though we were sat less that 6 feet from the kids area it would have been so easy for him to have slipped out with a child. We never went in that pub again & I never let DS out of my sight for the rest of the week.

greenpop21 · 22/04/2019 22:50

I don't think there is anything you have said that would be of interest to the police. Nothing happened. You have a pretty daughter and another woman looked at her. That isn't that unusual.

julensaor · 22/04/2019 22:50

FFS, more fool you for engaging with them.

BedraggledBlitz · 22/04/2019 22:55

No point worrying now about what ifs. Nothing happened.

The documentary has unsettled you, that's all.

PurpleKelp · 22/04/2019 23:01

Thanks bedraggled, I think that’s it.

Watching the documentary has opened up a seed in my mind that says I would regret not ‘saying something’ if it transpired at some point that this couple were involved in trafficking, or selling of images online, for example.

But I feel pretty small and stupid for posting about it now.

OP posts:
Iwrotethissongfor · 22/04/2019 23:12

I watched a bit of that documentary and felt really unsettled and paranoid and switched it off. I think in a week or two you’ll feel less weird again. It’s quite genuinely a parent’s worst nightmare and so looking into it in detail is bound to have an effect.

justasking111 · 22/04/2019 23:19

Trust your gut. Two stories same council run paddling pool. We were at the paddling pool a hot weekend, it was packed with children adults sitting around the sides. That night just up the road a little girl was murdered. During police investigations they asked the public for any video footage they had taken in the area that day. When the footage was analysed they discovered a number of peadophiles were present at the pool that day.

Fast forward to last year. Another hot spell lots of children at the pool. A parent noticed a car parked on the road overlooking the paddling pool. The next day the same car was there again. A man sat in it for four hours, she filmed herself, him, his car and put it up on facebook. It was disturbing footage.

cantwait2bfree · 22/04/2019 23:23

Foreign people find blonde hair fascinating that’s why that woman stared at your daughter simples. My dd is mixed race with beautiful curls she get the stares and complements wherever we go whether here or abroad

cantwait2bfree · 22/04/2019 23:23

Gets

PurpleKelp · 22/04/2019 23:25

The woman was not foreign though.

OP posts:
littlebillie · 22/04/2019 23:31

We were followed abroad once with our DD and we managed to lose the group. Absolutely nothing happened but I do have a strong belief in instinct and in the modern world we tend to dismiss it. It was not a reportable offence but we could feel eyes upon us.

I still feel a bit queasy thinking about it and OP probably not reportable but sometimes our defence mode kicks in.

Sparklesocks · 22/04/2019 23:35

It does sound a bit odd but as it was years ago there’s nothing that can be done so it’s best to try and forget it and move on.!

PerspicaciaTick · 22/04/2019 23:37

How do you know the woman wasn't foreign? You said she didn't say a single word.

Kudukudu · 22/04/2019 23:44

PurpleKelp - please don’t feel “small and stupid.” One of the greatest strengths of Mumsnet, in my opinion, is the wonderful way that we can ask questions about things that are on our minds anonymously, in safety and without worrying people IRL. You were worried about this, and you asked the opinion of Mumsnetters. Nothing to feel stupid about at all - better to have asked and be told that it’s probably nothing to be concerned about than not ask.

PurpleKelp · 22/04/2019 23:52

Thanks Kudu.

For whoever asked how I know she wasn’t foreign - she had an English language tattoo on her arm and looked to be white British or European. She had blonde hair herself so I highly doubt her staring at my DD was due to the type of foreign fascination with blonde hair referenced upthread.

OP posts:
Rainbowsandrascals · 22/04/2019 23:58

I am amazed at how many of you are saying this is irrelevant and not worth bothering the police about. Snippets of information which appear irrelevant to you will often be a key piece in a police investigation. The comments from Justasking 111 sum this up. You will never know whether your small piece of information is relevant but that is for the police to decide.

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2019 00:01

I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt to inform the local police on 101

See this ^^ is the sort of ridiculous advice that means people regularly have to wait up to 20 minutes or half an hour, to get through to the police, to report an actual crime Hmm

OP, you're massively overreacting.

What on earth do you think anyone is going to do with footage of a kid paddling in the sea?

In fact why would anyone ask if they could film a kid doing that, when they're perfectly legally entitled to do it without asking?

PurpleKelp · 23/04/2019 00:06

Well if this thread had filled up with other reports of similar uncomfortable encounters with a tall bald tan 40 something man with a scarred face acting weirdly on beaches, I might have let the police know.

As it stands I’ll just try to forget it now.

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 23/04/2019 00:16

Rainbows. seriously. What exactly do you expect the police to do with..

‘One day, 4 OR 5 years ago, a man with a foreign accent asked if he could have my email address because sometime in the future they might want to film my daughter for some promotional videos’

‘Yes & then what happened?’

‘Errr nothing....’

🙄🙄🙄🙄