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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be troubled by this encounter on the beach?

81 replies

PurpleKelp · 22/04/2019 21:00

Nb, regular user name changed for this.

I’ve just finished watching the McCann documentary on Netflix. While watching I was reminded of a (completely unrelated) but troubling incident that happened to us on the beach a few years ago.

Now it’s on my mind again. As I think it was suspicious but have never been able to figure out how, or why, or whether I should do anything about it.

It was a warm spring summer day. We were on our local beach. My daughter (4 or 5 at the time) was in her swimsuit running in and out of the shallows. My son was in his buggy. We walked as a family slowly up the beach. As we did so, we were approached by a couple who asked if they could film us collectively walking up from the sea, at a future time, to make an intro for a promotional film they were making to raise funds to build a recovery retreat locally for adults who had suffered trauma.

The man was quite beguiling. His appearance was unusual and his accent possibly Belgian or Austrian. He wrapped me into a story about his own recovery from trauma and what he hoped to do with the new centre.

Naively, I gave him my email address and said he could contact me in the future.

All this time I hadn’t really noticed, but another adult in our group pointed out afterwards, that the young ish woman accompanying him who had not said a single word, had been watching my young daughter intently, enough to unsettle her and for her to remark upon it to me.

I never heard from this man. And when I googled I found absolutely nothing about the potential recovery centre. Things like this would typically make the local press, if they were fund raising or wanted planning permission. But nothing. And still nothing years later.

It’s the attention on my daughter that bothers me still. Should I have alerted someone to these people and their behaviour?

It may or may not be relevant but my daughter is a very pretty girl, long dark blonde hair and large green eyes, porcelain skin.

Would it have unsettled you and what might you have done about it if so?

OP posts:
HopeMatters · 22/04/2019 21:55

For goodness sake, nothing happened! You spoke to a couple on a beach years ago, and you're thinking maybe you should call the police? Dial me in so I can listen to the call handler absolutely piss themselves laughing.

These threads on MN are the weirdest.

Nicknacky · 22/04/2019 21:55

People really start to realise that the police service is not a “log it service”.

It’s getting utterly ridiculous what people recommend phoning the police for on here.

Warpdrive · 22/04/2019 21:56

Something weird happened to me when out with mr DD 10 years ago. Can’t report it, wasn’t a crime. But I’ll remember it forever, I’m sure the chap involved was a paedophile and I can only refer to gut instinct so no proof anyway.
It’s something to learn from - trust your instincts.

Harebellsies · 22/04/2019 21:58

Follow your gut instinct in the future and teach your children too, to do so.
It could be harmless: I hated being on holiday in the us with a pretty babe that everyone, local and tourist, wanted to photograph and i was too polite to say no please do feck off.
Probably it wasnt anything pervy, your dc are likely safe, but it is strange, you just cant put your finger on it just in case, dont let them play unattended because they are now traceable because you and DH are in the video too.
Was the woman weird too?

Harebellsies · 22/04/2019 22:00

And it wouldn’t necessarily be insane to log the incident- you may hold the piece to an unsolved puzzle you have no idea about.

MrsKrabbapple · 22/04/2019 22:00

I think you are feeling uneasy because you feel guilty at you may have put your dd in danger because you were flattered to be asked. There is a lot more awareness now of putting images of our dc on the internet etc.

It's far, far more likely that he was telling the truth rather than filming children for criminal purposes. If he wanted to film your child he would have filmed her anyway.

sleepyyetawake · 22/04/2019 22:01

Were you alone with your children? That’s maybe why you were approached,

Aquilla · 22/04/2019 22:02

If the woman was also foreign she was probably just really interested in your child. The way they fuss over your kids overseas when you're on your holidays, you know?

Nicknacky · 22/04/2019 22:02

hare That’s not going to happen. The police command and control system is not one big jigsaw waiting for the op to phone in.

It’s a non event and not a police matter.

Justaboy · 22/04/2019 22:03

Sod that PurpleKelp if that were me there they would have got my best inqusitive nasty policeman attiude.

They should know better that in this day and age asking to film childern on a beach is asking for bother. I'm sure any media person here could suggest many other ways they could arrange that!

Can never bloody relax on a beach either quite some years ago three couplds we know had planned this day out as part of a larger group. All fine but one of them had a son who was afflicted with something like downs syndrome very quiet lad just wanted to sit there and stare out to sea.

Suddenly he shot off towards the shore like a bloody exocet missle and dived straight in we were all shocked as to why he had done that, we went rushing after him only to find he came up with the body of a drowing girl!, seemed her parents had dozed off too much beer it seemed anyway he just said it "didnt look right" what was going on.

Fantastic young lad i reckon if he hadn't noticed she would have drowned for sure so an attending life guard said!.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 22/04/2019 22:04

sounds like a close shave

In what way? A couple approached the OP and nothing happened. Confused

TanMateix · 22/04/2019 22:05

How long ago was it? Nothing happen to your family but what you remember may provide a clue about other crimes that may have been committed at the time.

I wouldn’t know where to start, however, as there is such a shortage of policemen, you are likely to be ignored if you are safe and even if the problem had happened this morning...

Erythronium · 22/04/2019 22:06

You sound like you were naive OP. People making a professional films don't usually go up to randomers on the beach to cast for parts in their film. They get actors or models to work for them. You should have asked him for payment and seen what happened then. Also did you really want your family used in a promotional video that you had no control over and didn't know who was watching it?

He spun you a story so you would let strangers film your children. Sorry that happened to you, but you still sound like you're romanticising it - "warm spring summer day", "beguiling".

slashlover · 22/04/2019 22:08

A couple asked if they could film you as a family at some point in the future, you gave them you email address and the woman looked at your child.

That's it.

Nicknacky · 22/04/2019 22:09

My daughter was filmed in an impromptu promotional video which I know was genuine. They won’t always use actors.

Dontstepinthecowpat · 22/04/2019 22:11

I will speak to my mum and come back to this but remember her telling me about her being approached (in the past few years) on holiday and being taken in by a couple, he was deaf possibly and they gave details over to them. It was a scam and local police were involved so might be a similar scenario. I think it was a financial scam

CripsSandwiches · 22/04/2019 22:11

Even if you had reported this at the time nothing would have been done as nothing happened. In all likelihood they were two slightly odd people who had some half baked idea for a film but never got together the funding.

Erythronium · 22/04/2019 22:14

That's why I said usually not always Nicknacky. Best to err on the side of caution.

PerspicaciaTick · 22/04/2019 22:15

It happened years ago.
No filming happened.
They had your email address but no other way of contacting you.

Who would you have reported them to and why? What would you have hoped the outcome of any reporting to be?

I think you need to put it behind you.

HaventGotAllDay · 22/04/2019 22:15

I have a blonde daughter too. Once, years ago some south American tourists asked to film her running around a British post box, they said she was cute and the scene looked so British.

I should maybe have listened to my gut and logged it, but not being paranoid, and knowing that most abuse happens within the family, and preferring to listen to my head rather than my intestine, I said yeah, sure, how lovely.

One of them was a MAN as well.

AnnieMay100 · 22/04/2019 22:18

I can understand why you would feel uncomfortable thinking back on it, but there’s nothing you can do now. Your daughters safe and nothing happened that’s the main thing. I’d assume it was genuine and something went wrong with the fund, just to stop it playing on your mind.the adult may have been looking at your daughter because she reminded her of someone/ liked children - lots of people watch children play. If it was sinister you would have probably seen them again/ caught them spying/stalking etc

PerspicaciaTick · 22/04/2019 22:19

dont let them play unattended because they are now traceable because you and DH are in the video too, except @Harebellsies no video exists as no filming ever happened.

fruitbrewhaha · 22/04/2019 22:24

I thnk you've been out in the sun too long.

smithyssister · 22/04/2019 22:25

I have 2 very blond blue eyed babies with olive skin as soon as they look at the sun (I'm fair with dark hair and green eyes- they are mine I swear!) - on holiday in Italy one my eldest was passed round the restaurant for the locals to admire her like some sort of rare bird. It sounds a bit odd but not criminal

Procrastination4 · 22/04/2019 22:27

You mustn’t have much to be thinking about if this is occupying your thoughts! Nothing of any note happened, nothing worth reporting, there’s no drama here.

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