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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

SIL pinched my friend

39 replies

Home77 · 22/04/2019 20:14

My brother's wife got in touch with my old best friend (who lives closer to them) and has befriended them!

IABU in thinking this is a bit of an odd thing to do! I hardly see BF anymore but feels bit strange now.

I can't imagine trying to befriend my husband's sisters best friend, because well it;s not really my friend is it! Is it not more normal to find your own friends than take others?

OP posts:

terftastic1984 · 22/04/2019 20:16

Thought this was going to be a thread about SIL attacking friend and giving her a pinch! Maybe you should pinch SIL.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 22/04/2019 20:17

Surely there is a reason they got in touch rather than 'oh I will make best friends with her, because she used to be friends with Home77'

You arent in touch, really, with the BF. She isnr your BF. Sil hasnt pinched anyone.

HBStowe · 22/04/2019 20:18

Stop being mental. She isn’t ‘taking’ your friend. People don’t belong to each other. And you aren’t even close to your friend any more?!

pessimisticstateofperception · 22/04/2019 20:18

It's not that odd, they live close to each other, they have obviously met and got on before, why shouldn't they be friends?

Original poster

Home77 · 22/04/2019 20:19

Yes, she got in touch with them because my brother mentioned my friend....I find it a bit weird. Spoke to BF the other day and she's visiting the SIL etc...I just find it a bit of a strange thing to do. They only know each other due to me.

OP posts:

Noonooyou · 22/04/2019 20:19

There are many ways to make new friends, this could be through a shared hobby, work and another way is through family/ friends. What is the problem with them being friends ?

LongTermHold · 22/04/2019 20:19

This is a two way relationship though. SIL can’t ‘pinch’ your friend without your friend’s sayso.

Why don’t you see your friend anymore? That seem to be the relevant bit (assuming your BFF is allowed other friends and that is not your issue?)

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 22/04/2019 20:20

They only know each other due to me.

And I only know my Dp, because he is my best friends brother.

And what?

LongTermHold · 22/04/2019 20:20

I am confused - most of my friends were met through other friends.

Original poster

Home77 · 22/04/2019 20:24

Mainly due to distance. Yes mutual friends I get but it's a bit different- I can't imagine finding out about my sister in laws friends and then befriending them...I find it quite strange, and intrusive.. Ah must just be me, then.

OP posts:

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 22/04/2019 20:27

So you wouldn't befriend someone, if they already knew someone you knew. Or is it just in laws?

Original poster

Home77 · 22/04/2019 20:30

I guess if I was introduced to them, perhaps, but would be kind of careful and polite about it, and respectful of the relationship already in place.

I wouldn't just get in touch with someone who is friend with my SIL and befriend them, no. I would consider that slightly batshit.

OP posts:

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 22/04/2019 20:33

How did she randomly make contact.

I very much doubt she has done this just because you know her.

Probably trying to make more friends, shared interest, kids of a similar age etc

The fact is that your 'she has pinched my best friend' line is very childish.

I assume theres a back story regarding the sil and you dont like her very much. But I think you need to just accept that sometimes people you know will make friends

DannyWallace · 22/04/2019 20:33

So, did your brother maybe see his wife wanted/needed a friend and said @Home77 has a friend who lives near here, I bet you guys will get on! Maybe you should contact her?

steff13 · 22/04/2019 20:39

I'm so disappointed that your SIL didn't literally pinch your friend. Your SIL befriending her doesn't make her any less your friend. People have the capacity for friendship with more than one person.

Bluntness100 · 22/04/2019 20:45

You can't steal someone op. What an odd way to think. People can and do have multiple friendships. It's not one at a time. She can be your friend and her friend. Doesn't sound like you can be really arsed with her anymore anyway, so what's your beef?

ImYourWomanJonSnow · 22/04/2019 20:46

I get you OP, the same thing happened to me, I introduced my old close friend to SIL, as they now live in the same city and they started seeing each other regularly. I did get a pang of jealousy when SIL texted me a picture of the two of them together at a dance show but I had to recognise it for what it was - a childish possessiveness - and I talked myself out of feeling like this especially as old friend is quite lonely and I feel happy that she has someone lovely to hang out with. I understand the feeling but YABU.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/04/2019 20:48

How odd you’d object.

LL83 · 22/04/2019 20:49

If you are saying your SIL contacted your friend because she was your friend and said "hi I am xxx SIL want to go for coffee?" Then your friend went and they are now in regular contact that is unusual. Bold move by SIL and friend but pleased for them they have found a friendship.

Surely the more likely scenario is their paths have crossed party/school/gym and while knowing you might have been the initial small talk it isn't the reason they are now friends.

Catchingbentcoppers · 22/04/2019 20:50

IABU in thinking this is a bit of an odd thing to do! I hardly see BF anymore but feels bit strange now.

YABU, there's nothing strange about it. My sister moved near to one of my best friends (I live miles away now) and they see each other all the time now. Doesn't both me, why would it?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 22/04/2019 20:53

Think it’s quite likely that your SiL might be a similar person to you (people often pick partners like their siblings) and would therefore get on with your friend.

But you can still be friends OP

LemonSqueezy0 · 22/04/2019 20:55

I kinda get what you mean, as long as you recognise it as your own slight jealousy and issue.
As long as they aren't doing to be malicious, be glad two people have found a friend.

Bluntness100 · 22/04/2019 20:55

I guess if I was introduced to them, perhaps, but would be kind of careful and polite about it, and respectful of the relationship already in place.

Is it not more normal to find your own friends than take others?

Op. Were you like this as a kid at school? Where if someone was your friend they couldn't be anyone else's? This is the only behaviour I can liken your comments to?

TheBigFatMermaid · 22/04/2019 21:10

Am I weird? I actually like it when people I like get on and become friends!

I feel it takes some of the pressure off me that friendship sometimes causes.

I am a good and loyal friend, but I am not one to like regular demands for meet ups. The more friends my friends have, the less likely that is to occur!

TheBigFatMermaid · 22/04/2019 21:11

Am I weird? I actually like it when people I like get on and become friends!

I feel it takes some of the pressure off me that friendship sometimes causes.

I am a good and loyal friend, but I am not one to like regular demands for meet ups. The more friends my friends have, the less likely that is to occur!

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