BIL fucked the garden up

[incogneto]

I'm seething. Have done a couple threads under my previous user name about how pissed off I was that DPs family keep visiting every other day. I'm heavily pregnant and not in the mood for visitors 24/7, especially ones that stay all bloody day and night.

Anyway, BIL has been at ours Friday & Saturday this weekend. Stayed from lunch time until 12 at night each time.

Rang DH today and said he was coming up to do our front garden before baby arrives. He's a landscaper and said he was bringing tools from work before he returns tomorrow.

Fair enough.

However all he's done is sprayed a bit of weed killer, used a spade and dumped all the weeds and shit all over the front garden and has left it.

AIBU to think he used doing the garden as an excuse just to come and visit us again? It's like he wants to be here constantly.

Has even asked DP if he's on early shifts this week so he can come up every night after work.

I'd reply to the Facebook message "Should have got a taxi then."

"well you won't be getting a lift while I'm giving birth and recovering from it either, will you, so save your legs for a few weeks, we'll let you know when we're ready for visitors"

Just read the update! As to the messenger message, get a gif of someone playing a violin. That'll get the message across. I have the bitmoji app myself and I'd send the one of my avatar playing a tiny violin if it was me. Follow it with "Well, you should have brought an umbrella with you then!"

@incogneto as others have said, it's time to be more assertive and set the boundaries with your BIL.
You're heavily pregnant, so it would be completely understandable if you went completely hormonal on him

Ugh, some people just don't get it, do they?! Gotta spell it out to dh and set some ground rules that are reasonable. Good luck with the birth, exciting times!!

Has he been back since?

Sounds like hes lonely 😍

Leaving aside all the jokey comments you really need your DP to set some boundaries. Visits are once a week and arranged at least 1 day in advance with both you and DP agreeing.

Otherwise BIL is going to keep doing this when you have a newborn and you are going to totally lose your shit (well I would).

Are you scared of your BIL? Assuming the answer to that is no, just tell him that you're feeling a bit fragile at the moment and need to rest so while you don't want to be rude, could he please not visit now until after you've had the baby, and even then you and DP will obviously need time alone to get into some sort of routine, so can he please ring and check with YOU before he comes over in future. It's really not that difficult, but if you can't do it face to face, just text or message him. It's much easier for you to do it than your DP, as it's his family and they're more likely to either ignore him, or talk him round. Then if he turns up uninvited, just greet him at the door and say 'sorry it's not convenient right now, I'll get DP to give you a call'. SIMPLES!!

He sounds like a spoilt baby and you have an actual one of those coming in a few days. I would imagine you are feeling like an over stuffed sack of spuds, you shouldn't be running lazy children around and your DP should have your back here. Serious problems on the horizon for you... Having said that a screaming new born might actually put the silly boy off coming to your house and make your DP grow a pair of balls.

Good luck with the inducement.

Sounds like work in progress OP and this was day 1. Don't understand the seething, just go out and about your normal business - if you're in, you're in, if you're out your out.

I don’t understand why your DP isn’t listening to his heavily pregnant wife and respecting your needs?

His family are his to deal with! You need to be able to say no and DP needs to back you up!

Why do you keep letting him into your home?

Turn your phone off, get into bed and ignore the rude fucker.

I had a similar issue years ago.It caused a lot of tension in our relationship.Your husband needs to do something.He should be looking after your mental needs,especially at this time.Your home should be your sanctuary.

You need to sort this now. Doesn’t your DP get how inconsiderate his brother is being?

Time to lay it down to him in a very crystal clear way.

Why does your BIL want to be over so much? does he not work or have a family if his own? Sounds a bit odd. Close the curtains and lock the front door lol

tell your husband the "house" is closed for the next 6 weeks and if anyone comes in without asking you first you will go off and kick his ass out along with the guests, and remind him you are making a human

Message back saying don't come then!

We used to have a friend like this who used to appear at dinner time every night and not go home until bedtime. I got to the point after a very long time of subtle hints, which were ignored, of just opening the front door and saying "piss off now Colin, I want to go to bed." He never took offence, he'd always be back again after a couple of days! Mind you, he was always round at ours because his wife had just left him. He used to say "I don't know why she left me, I'd just bought her a new kitchen, I don't know what else she wanted" Yep, that's why she left you Colin!