My nans funeral is in 2 days and I won't be there

[mum2three0]

Be kind please!
I've known since the end of March that my nan had just weeks to live, I managed to get a flight for 5 days time with my mum to go and see her.

Now 4 weeks on she has sadly passed away and her funeral is in 2 days.

But I have a few issues that mean I can't go

1. Money. I cannot afford to go. (My partner isn't paid until the 26th, I won't get paid until next month as just started a job)
2. 3 kids, meaning my partner needs to take at least 3 days off work
3. I would also need 3 days off (I'm well aware buses and trains are available but they're more expensive than flying and take at least 13 hours!)

I'm really feeling like shit for not going though! I don't feel like I said goodbye as I was just more happy to see her, get her talking and try get her eating. Can I actually live with this decision not go go? And am I Being a cow bag for not going? I can't shake the guilt and it is keeping me awake at night. Please help me see sense

We didn't go to my in law's funeral. On the day of it we went and lit a candle in a local church and sat there for a while thinking about them, then we (me, partner and the grandchildren) went for a lovely walk in the woods nearby. I wouldn't worry about not going, honestly. As people say, it's an invite, not a summons.