Being prayed for

[BuckingFrolics]

I'm an atheist and my DM knows this - indeed she and my DF raised me as one. She "found god" when my DF left in my early teens

She says she prays for me.

AIBU to tell her to stop, as I find it offensive?

I see three things in "being prayed for"

1. is just thinking of you - hoping that what you wish for yourself, will come to pass. In fact, as someone who does pray, I basically see anyone that doesn't pray, but says they are "thinking of you", as having some idea that thoughts are magical powers. It used to be that if you were going into a difficult situation, you'd ask everyone to pray for you to have strength or to alter the situation. Now you ask everyone to think of you, as if this will alter your strength/the situation.

1. is another type of thinking of you - one where you remind yourself of the person, and remember to check back on them. This can also be phrased as "thinking of you" or "praying for you"; indeed saying, while praying "we hold X in our prayers as they do Y" is not asking for an alternative outcome to the situation but is still praying for them. This would then, hopefully, have the further result that the pray-er or think-er would remember to check back on the pray-ee or think-ee and ask them how they are doing. A trouble shared and all that, this one doesn't necessarily involve magical/God type thoughts.

1. Praying that the pray-ee will change their mind or actions. Praying that they will come to God, that they will start wearing different clothes etc. etc. Even as someone who prays myself, this makes me deeply unhappy.

I have never heard anyone say that prayer was just “talking to yourself” before.

I have never heard anyone say that prayer was just “talking to yourself” before.

Well, no, because a believer would believe God was always present. We cannot exclude Him. But if you don't believe in God we'll than yes, prayer just involves thinking or talking out loud. Group prayer, though, does involve other people.

Oh, I misunderstood. So we’re back to “if you don’t believe you should just put up with it”.

Oh, I misunderstood. So we’re back to “if you don’t believe you should just put up with it”.

Well, quite frankly, you might as well because you are not going to change it! The offence is just hurting yourself. Unless you thrive on it, I suppose...

Do you ask people not to think about you?

In general, no, but if someone is thinking "I wish they'd stop doing X" when X is pretty good for you, then it would be better if they were not unrealistic/controlling in their thoughts as it won't get them anywhere.

“Well, quite frankly, you might as well because you are not going to change it! The offence is just hurting yourself. Unless you thrive on it, I suppose..“
I’m not offended. I just have a preference. And I am pretty gobsmacked that so many Christians seen to think it’s OK to ignore my preference, frankly.

Because the only way a Christian, could exclude you, as someone they knew from their prayers entirely would be not to think about you, ever, or to cease to believe God is present when they think which goes against Christian belief. Both pretty impossible without becoming an entirely different person.

I am pretty gobsmacked that so many Christians seen to think it’s OK to ignore my preference, frankly.

It not ignoring a preference it's an inability to fulfil it.

Right. So a Christian can't think about someone without praying for them now, is that right?

Yep. Vote.

OK. Can I say please exclude me from your active prayers?

Because the way you put it, saying that you will pray for someone is pretty redundant.........

I am pretty gobsmacked that so many Christians seen to think it’s OK to ignore my preference, frankly.

Their preference is to pray for the people they care for, they may be gobsmacked at the fact that you want them to stop doing that. We all have our preferences and free will, you cant stop people from having them just because they conflict with yours, it's not like its harming you, you just dont believe in it which again is isnt harming any one. Live and let live, let it go.

OK. Can I say please exclude me from your active prayers?

Because the way you put it, saying that you will pray for someone is pretty redundant.........

You could Bertrand. I wouldn't usually tell someone I would be praying for them unless I knew they would find it supportive. My common phrase would be 'I hope..'.

“We all have our preferences and free will, you cant stop people from having them just because they conflict with yours“

When it’s a case of them doing something which concerns me, then you, I think I can.

It not ignoring a preference it's an inability to fulfil it.

So you'd be unable to prevent yourself from praying that Bertrand became a Christian and saw the error of her ways, would you?

Why is it offensive to you. You don't believe in any deity so it's all just nonsense surely? You can't stop your mum having positive thoughts towards you 🤷🏻‍♀️

So you'd be unable to prevent yourself from praying that Bertrand became a Christian and saw the error of her ways, would you?

You've put the thought in my head now! No, I wouldn't think exactly that because I recognise her free will as part of my belief. She would have to want to.

But you know that many Christians DO pray for, and hope for, that to happen for loved ones.
Should the loved ones be allowed to ask them not to?

“Should the loved ones be allowed to ask them not to?”

Yes.

But you know that many Christians DO pray for, and hope for, that to happen for loved ones.
Should the loved ones be allowed to ask them not to?

That prayer is their business unless I am asked to speak to them about it. If I were to speak to them an exploratory discussion of free will and how people might come to faith might occur. And of course loved ones can ask them not to pray in this way. Equally, if that's how the people praying think that is how they will inevitably pray because praying really does become second nature.

I think if you are religious, praying is just a natural part of thinking and something akin to just hoping the person is happy/has a good life etc. I often sit and think about DD and how she is doing in life, especially if she is having troubles and feeling emotional. If I were religious, those thoughts would likely naturally just include God, whether I were to literally state "I pray" or "Amen" or whatever, God would be so much a part of the way of thinking about life that separating Him from your desires for the world and your want to see a love one happy would be quite difficult I imagine. Now, as my Nan is more spiritual than religious, she doesn't do formal prayers, but is there some intent towards a Higher Power when she worries about me late at night, maybe? I don't think of prayers as the rigid head bowed and hands together and a formal saying etc, more sharing thoughts. Nothing need be said out loud.

But then, I'm not actually religious, so excuse my waffling!

Yes, that's how I find praying, Bastian

I just can't fathom why anyone would care?

If someone says "I'm praying for you " in lieu of actually helping during a trying time that would fuck me off, but otherwise why care?

If I knew a grown up who believed in Santa would I be offended that they included me in their wish list? No, why the fuck would I. It's a nice thought, if to my mind a pointless one.

it's a nice thought

For me, that's the important part. The sentiment behind it. The feelings/emotions the prayer comes from. What they do with those emotions are their business, and if they find it helpful to find that connection they feel they have with God and pray, I just can't find it in me to feel negatively towards them.