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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think comfort nursing isn't weird, even when you have no milk?

90 replies

BatmansBoxers · 22/04/2019 07:52

I've posted about my daughter before, she's been very ill and currently receives most of her food through an NG tube due to having severe bronchiolitis. I did breastfeed initially but didn't make much milk and so stopped at 10 weeks.

Since having her NG, she wants to nurse. She can take some orally and I don't make lots of milk any more, so I let her comfort nurse. She won't take a dummy and it soothes her.

I mentioned this casually (because i was taking her off to bf) that I've restarted breastfeeding mainly for comfort and a relative commented that it's weird that I let her do this when she's only getting minimal milk. It actually really upset me, because she's been through a lot and if this is something I can do to comfort her then I am happy to do it. I wish I'd just said I was changing her happy or something now.

AIBU to think this is fine or is it in fact, weird? My entire family bottle fed.

OP posts:
MotherOfDragonite · 22/04/2019 09:14

YANBU! You are a lovely mum and your baby is only 6 months old and obviously wants to breastfeed!

Did you know that you may be producing more milk than you think? Some people don't produce much when expressing milk but can breastfeed perfectly well.

You might want to find a local breastfeeding group or IBCLC accredited "lactation consultant" (I know, it sounds weird to me too!) to talk about how. Also, Google an amazing website called Kellymom for more excellent breastfeeding advice xx

GetOffTheTableMabel · 22/04/2019 09:17

It’s the most normal, natural thing in the world. Please don’t let anyone make you question yourself.
Nobody knows your baby better than you. Motherhood brings a lifetime of unsolicited/unwelcome advice. It can be really detrimental at those points when a mother is feeling a bit uncertain but there will NEVER be anyone who knows your child better than you do. Trust your instincts.

flumpybear · 22/04/2019 09:18

Some people are dreadful in their tact!

What you're actually doing is BF your child, albeit small amounts, but it's good for her and she'll get antibodies from you too along with the comfort. You may increase your supply with what you're doing, which is what happens when the baby is born anyway to encourage milk production

Don't bother telling people, or just tell them you bf her to sleep and it's good for antibodies etc - don't listen to ignorant people

Verbena37 · 22/04/2019 09:20

Brilliant that your dd has gone back to breastfeeding herself. Your milk supply will increase if you feed her on demand and will provide her with brilliant nutrients following her stay in hospital.

Moralitym1n1 · 22/04/2019 09:22

We are so screwed up when it comes to breastfeeding. Nature provides the ultimate in nursing comfort and it is deemed 'weird'. Put a manufactured teat of plastic and rubber, that is specifically designed to mimic a nipple, into a baby's mouth and that's fine. Lovely. But we mustn't use the original, nature made, available at all times version hmm grrr!

So true.

Page 3 for men to get a woody - ok.
In real life to feed/comfort a baby )their main purpose) - uuugh.

AndOutComeTheBoobs · 22/04/2019 09:29

Weird?!

It's bloody adorable!!

Moralitym1n1 · 22/04/2019 09:31

Forgot to say if you want to give pumping a go to see how much you get and if you can increase it, you mightn't have to buy one - you might be able to rent/loan one from your area's hospital/lactation service, it's worth asking. If they have them they'll be hospital grade ones which are like Maserati s compared to the standard electric ones on the shops.

It really helped me mentally to see the milk and know my baby was getting something from me, because hand expressing didn't work at all for me. Then I could concentrate on putting lo to the breast regularly (once the soreness lessened a bit!).

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 22/04/2019 09:35

On the other hand morality it can be quite undermining when you pump and see not much as expressing doesn't tend to correspond with how much milk is actually being produced

ethelfleda · 22/04/2019 09:37

Have you looked on kellymom for information about re-lactation, OP?

ethelfleda · 22/04/2019 09:41

kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/relactation

Read this OP. I found this very interesting myself actually!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 22/04/2019 09:42

I would have thought the sucking action is good for her to be using her facial muscles as NG feeding is essentially passive for the baby.

Mummyto2munchkins · 22/04/2019 09:50

Hi OP, my LO is 8 months and just getting over a chest infection. He "settle" feeds too. I have ebf him too, but noticed he likes a "suckle" when he's sleeping. (will not take a dummy at all, he spits it out and looks at me as if to say wtf is this) - if he wants to settle by using me as a dummy I don't mind.
LO is YOUR child. You do what YOU want and don't worry about other people opinions! You know her best!

I also went out for a meal yesterday with my DM and he suckled there to settle him to sleep for a while. I actually had a gentleman and his mother come
Over after they finished their dinner to say well done for breastfeeding in public! (he was covered up with a muslin)
Keep going OP, if your happy and LO is happy then you do what you need to to maintain that. Xx

ChestyNut · 22/04/2019 09:58

It’s a brilliant thing that she will nurse.
Some NG feed children can develop oral aversion so her associating nursing with comfort and pleasure is an amazing thing your doing!

Do you have a specialist nurse you could chat to? Would it be possible to NG feed her while she nurses so she associates sucking with the feeling of fullness?

As pp have said babies are much more effective at getting milk than hand expressing.

Original poster
BatmansBoxers · 22/04/2019 10:00

I'm glad it will improve her suck as she has a weak suck with bottles hence the tube, when she gets ill she loses the ability to suck effectively. But she is much stronger at the breast than a bottle and always has been. I do sometimes let her nurse while tube feeding her and she seems to settle much better

OP posts:
whatswithtodaytoday · 22/04/2019 10:06

Absolutely fine, ignore people who think otherwise! I'm comfort nursing my baby - I don't have enough milk to provide for him, and after a hospital stay due to severe weight loss he's now mainly formula fed. But I still nurse him a couple of times a day - morning to keep up my supply, but he takes a full bottle straight after, and evening to comfort the grizzles. It's very natural.

fudesina · 22/04/2019 10:06

I think it lovely. Breastfeeding is nature's gift to mums and babies. It's such a comforting thing to do for them. Breastfeeding is so much more than nutrition. Ignore anyone who says otherwise.

Both my were fed until they were two and a half and loved the comfort and cuddles.

Sciurus83 · 22/04/2019 10:06

Oh goodness me sweetheart the only weird thing is someone that doesn't think a mother nursing an ill six month old baby is the most natural thing in the world to do. Tell those monsters to do one and I hope your baby feels better soon

MrsPinkCock · 22/04/2019 10:10

If your “baby” is 15 and you have no milk, yes that’s weird Grin

Otherwise, crack on.

Differentcorner · 22/04/2019 10:11

Not weird at all, enjoy the closeness and cuddles with your baby girl. How precious!

heislost · 22/04/2019 10:19

OP we need more of you Thanks

Natsku · 22/04/2019 10:19

It's not weird, try not to worry about what your relative thinks. My 14 month old comfort nurses all the time, it's really annoying but not weird or wrong, it's just something that some babies/toddlers do more than others (my first wasn't a comfort nurser, only for milk, but she had a dummy for much longer but youngest rejected the dummy around 9 months old so I guess he's replaced it with me)

breakingpoint12 · 22/04/2019 10:41

I completely understand.
I have 3 children and have breastfed all 3, my youngest is 4 months. I don’t produce enough breastmilk so have always had to introduce formula early to supplement.

My whole family are bottle feeders, and so are all of my friends. I have had soo many judgemental comments you wouldn’t believe. My ds was poorly recently, not really interested in his formula but wanted to bf almost constantly (knowing he wasn’t getting much milk, but also knowing that I was providing him comfort and also the little milk he was getting was better than nothing), I had family say to me “stop giving him the boob fgs and give him water”, “just give him a dummy”(he won’t take a dummy and just gags).

I have also had friends and family tell me I was starving him in the early days of breastfeeding when he was attached to the breast almost 24/7. “Oh you poor thing, your mummy just keeps giving you her silly boobs when you need a good bottle” etc. This was at a time when I was extremely tearful and feeling like a failure and just trying to do the best for my ds. I still get the comments now.

I know how comments like this can make you feel. But luckily am now feeling strong enough to know that I am just trying to do the best for my son, just like any other mum is doing too, their comments mean nothing to me and I have a very healthy, very happy little boy.

Please don’t listen to any negative comments, you are providing comfort when your lo needs it and any milk is better than none. You are doing your best.

I’m honestly so shocked that so many people a- don’t understand all the wonderful the benefits of bf
And b- feel that they have the right to judge and comment on a mother feeding/comforting her child. I would never in a million years make such comments to a mother/about a mother for bottle feeding a baby.
Keep your head high. Sending get well wishes for your lo.

Tumbleweed101 · 22/04/2019 11:03

Definitely the best comfort for a small baby and she’s likely getting more milk than you manage to express. Best thing for her after being so poorly is lots of cuddles and comfort feeding.

Bettyspants · 22/04/2019 11:14

Ds1 was 4 when he stopped bf. I had horrendous comments about how unnatural it was, how it was for my benifit etc etc. For context I'm a medical proffesional and very much aware of nutrional content. I'm also very much aware of the need to treat children as individuals and do what works for them and you. He is a very confident, independent and well adjusted young man despite the many comments I received about giving him 'attachment issues!'. Dd 1 was very unwell until age 6. I have huge regret that I was influenced by several people telling me how 'wrong ' bf after a year was. If I had listened to my instincts she would have had the comfort she desperately wanted during some awful times.

PlinkPlink · 22/04/2019 11:16

Don't feel judged, my lovely. Feel pissed off that someone felt the need to make feel that way!

You are comforting your child. What part of that sentence is weird? The answer is no part.

Doesn't matter how minimal your milk is.

God, I'm seeing red for you! I get so annoyed when people feel the need to demoralise and judge someone based on something they have no business getting involved in!!

I still breastfeed DS. He's nearly 2. I feed him to sleep. The amount of comments I've had about how I need to sort it out (for my own sanity apparently). I had one friend give me a whole myriad of suggestions of how to wean him off the boob despite me telling her, it's what works for our family. Just fuck off. My first reaction was like yours and then I thought "Er no... that's not right. I will do what the fuck I like when it comes to comforting and caring for my son."

I have learnt now to put up a mental barrier when words like that are uttered. They bounce off that wall and I carry on doing what feels right for us.

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