Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think comfort nursing isn't weird, even when you have no milk?

90 replies

BatmansBoxers · 22/04/2019 07:52

I've posted about my daughter before, she's been very ill and currently receives most of her food through an NG tube due to having severe bronchiolitis. I did breastfeed initially but didn't make much milk and so stopped at 10 weeks.

Since having her NG, she wants to nurse. She can take some orally and I don't make lots of milk any more, so I let her comfort nurse. She won't take a dummy and it soothes her.

I mentioned this casually (because i was taking her off to bf) that I've restarted breastfeeding mainly for comfort and a relative commented that it's weird that I let her do this when she's only getting minimal milk. It actually really upset me, because she's been through a lot and if this is something I can do to comfort her then I am happy to do it. I wish I'd just said I was changing her happy or something now.

AIBU to think this is fine or is it in fact, weird? My entire family bottle fed.

OP posts:
Hazlenutpie · 22/04/2019 08:31

I think what you are doing is lovely. Just go with your instincts and ignore the stupid relative. I EBF all three of mine for 12 months. My youngest had a few health problems including being hospitalised with bronchiolitis and BF is what got us through.

I hope your DD is soon back to full health.

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 22/04/2019 08:35

She is a lucky girl to have a mum who understands her needs and is able to take care of her so well. As someone else said, you aren’t just giving her much needed comfort, you are also providing her with antibodies and also the best possible nutrition and the more you do it the more milk you’ll produce for her. Ignore your relation - lots of people are weird and/or ignorant about BF.

DointItForTheKids · 22/04/2019 08:38

I remember after I'd largely stopped BFing my DS and he was teething. He teethed really badly, in incredible miserable pain, crying and inconsolable. All the gum gels and stuff being given didn't make a jot of difference.

I just picked him up and the natural thing was just put him on the boob. You know what, the INSTANT he went on I felt his WHOLE body relax and the act of BFing just completely comforted him.

If you and your DD get positive things out of it then who's got the right to say you shouldn't do it - you crack on. Sadly we have to listen to all sorts of shite when we BF and it's a largely utter rubbish from people who barely understand what BFing is and the only thing to do is to ignore and just think 'oh piss off'!! I fed both mine until they were 2 by which point feeds for only once a day, in the morning, and the most lovely 're-connecting' between me and my child and no one would have made me stop (but then I tend towards strong defensive language and behaviours where needed!!!!).

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 22/04/2019 08:39

We are so screwed up when it comes to breastfeeding. Nature provides the ultimate in nursing comfort and it is deemed 'weird'. Put a manufactured teat of plastic and rubber, that is specifically designed to mimic a nipple, into a baby's mouth and that's fine. Lovely. But we mustn't use the original, nature made, available at all times version hmm grrr!

This,. Well done OP you're doing a great job and doing what both you and your baby clearly think is best for her. Your milk will likely come back in if she nurses a lot too. It's entirely natural, normal and what breasts are actually for. To some people this is a surprise, but that doesn't make it any less true.

NewMum19344567 · 22/04/2019 08:39

I was a dummy until 13 months! People said did I know I was just a dummy and I said yes! Don't let them upset you Flowers

Sarahjconnor · 22/04/2019 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnuggyBuggy · 22/04/2019 08:41

It's fine OP. I think previous generations of parents got taught some very negative things about babies like that you should strive to make them independent as soon as possible so they look at this sort of thing negatively.

happymum12345 · 22/04/2019 08:41

What a wonderful mum you are. You’ve been through a horrible ordeal & if nursing your baby is comforting your baby then that’s fantastic. It’s nobodies business but yours. I expect you’ve got more milk than you think & the more you feed, more milk will be made.

Lalliella · 22/04/2019 08:43

We are so screwed up when it comes to breastfeeding. Nature provides the ultimate in nursing comfort and it is deemed 'weird'. Put a manufactured teat of plastic and rubber, that is specifically designed to mimic a nipple, into a baby's mouth and that's fine. Lovely. But we mustn't use the original, nature made, available at all times version hmm grrr!

^^this. And giving a baby the milk of our own species is weird but giving it the milk of another species is fine. Sometimes I do wonder about society. It’s your relative that’s weird not you OP. Hope your baby gets better soon.

Original poster
BatmansBoxers · 22/04/2019 08:43

Yes I've also been told that I hold her too much Hmm and that I'll have to let go one day. Yes but probably not when she's a tiny baby that's been poorly is my opinion! Thank you everyone Smile I feel more reassured

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 22/04/2019 08:48

Some babes who have been tube fed for a while or needed a lot of suction in hospital develop an oral aversion. So if she wants to breastfeed then that is the absolute best thing you can go. To help her realise that not everything that goes in her mouth is horrible.

Dippypippy1980 · 22/04/2019 08:49

You sound like a brilliant mum. You have both been through the wringer - it’s a lovely way to soothe her, and for tohave some close time.

Who on earth could have a problem with that!! Ignore these idiots

hottubhotties · 22/04/2019 08:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

RTBAdmin · 22/04/2019 08:53

FlowersBrewCake

Keep doing what you're doing.

ittakes2 · 22/04/2019 08:59

I think the person who told you it’s weird is weird! You are comforting your baby in a natural way - how perfect. Did you know that by doing this you can actually increase your milk flow if you wanted to by the action of her suckling? There are also breast feeding aids if you want where you attach a tiny tube to your nipple and she can get formula by sucking on your breast.

northdownmummy · 22/04/2019 09:00

Most natural thing in the world. Breastfeeding is about so much more than providing milk

Dontcarewhatimdoing · 22/04/2019 09:02

I can't help feeling a bit sorry for your relative. How any adult can see a perfectly normal, healthy way of comforting a poorly baby as weird baffles me. What a sad way to see it! I hope your DD is on the mend soon.

Bringbackbertha · 22/04/2019 09:03

I still cuddle my 20 month old to sleep for nap and will hold her for a little time. It's my time to still get that closeness as she doesn't need to sit on my knee anymore or goes to bed in my arms.

You do what is right for you and baby and ignore everyone else. They didn't grow and give birth to that tiny human you did and your bond can not be compared to another

I swear our parents and grandparents block out half the stuff they did or went through.

Acis · 22/04/2019 09:04

Not at all weird. For me, one of the bonuses of breastfeeding was that, even when my children were very poorly, I knew they would get at least some nutrition because they wanted to comfort nurse.

Princesspeachy0 · 22/04/2019 09:06

I think it's wonderful and we'll done to you OP. I wonder if your milk supply will increase now she comfort feeding?

Hope your DD gets better soon Flowers

Original poster
BatmansBoxers · 22/04/2019 09:09

I hope it increases as I would like to be able to do one full breastfeed if possible. I have hand expressed tiny bits and frozen them but it's only 0.5ml at a time.

OP posts:
Moralitym1n1 · 22/04/2019 09:10

Not at all weird, and she's still quite young.

Also hopefully your supply might build up a bit from the demand (you could also pump if you had time/inclination - it would let you see how much you have and any increase which could be really encouraging. Also bearing in mind a baby will get more out than a pump. Would recommend proper hospital grade pump with Freemie hands free cups or am elvie if you do).

masktaster · 22/04/2019 09:11

Perfectly normal. I'm currently dry nursing my toddler because my milk has dried up due to pregnancy, and he's not ready to stop. Still actual magic, even without the milk (though the aversion isn't the most fun thing in the world)

Moralitym1n1 · 22/04/2019 09:13

I could never hand express anything, like literally could barely get drops out; but got reasonable amounts with a crappy single electric pump (tommee tippee maybe) and a lot more with a good hospital grade double electric pump (a Spectra S1 in my case).

I couldn't get anything with a silicone manual pump (hakaa) either incidentally.

DaisyDreaming · 22/04/2019 09:13

If it provides comfort then that’s great, not to mention the benefits of the little milk she’s taking and she’s using her suckling muscles like other babies her age which can be an issue for tube fed babies. Win win all around