Family visit

[fearnot]

AIBU to dread hosting 10 members of DH's family for a weekend (including 2 kids, aged 1 and 3) when we've just had a baby, now 3 months old?

DS isn't sleeping well in his crib so I'm lucky to get 3 hours of sleep at night. Also social situations make me mentally exhausted so I think I'd be feeling anxious even without a baby to look after.

It started off with one cousin wanting to visit with her DP and 2 kids to which I agreed and thought would be manageable. Then DH said it would make sense for 3 other cousins to come at the same time, then he also invited MIL and BIL, and MIL said DH's aunt should come too. We don't have space for everyone to sleep but my mum lives nearby and has kindly offered some space so we can just about squeeze everyone in.

Also AIBU to resent the effort we'll need to go to to host - preparing meals, tidying up before and after, rearranging furniture for sleeping and dining space, laundry etc - given that we have a baby to look after?

YANBU at all.

Also, I would murder him. Just saying.

I would be getting your DH to cancel. Dick move on his part. If he refuses, go away for a few nights yourself .

No but seriously you shouldn't be hosting if you don't want to. It's as simple as that.

Tell him to cancel. If they want to visit you book a hotel or a holiday park and then they can come over to visit for short times. Or are they just using your house as free accommodation?

Tidying up- get dh to do most of that so he doesn't make the suggestion again
Rearranging furniture- dh and relatives when they get here 'lovely to see you, here's a cup of tea then could you please help me with getting your bed out', ditto bedding, or ask they bring their own.

Food - rota or really simple, will probably work best with young children anyway. Everyone fixes their own breakfast. For lunch a selection of rolls/ wraps and fillings which they select themselves (make sure the greedy uncle goes last). For evening meal have slow cooker food. Hopefully you have a dishwasher so everyone loads it themselves.

You are not being unreasonable, you need to lower your standards and increase your expectations of others to help. Suggest dh takes them out on expeditions while you and baby rest. Hopefully he will learn from it and won't invite them all again!

Yanbu. But I wouldn't agree to it or let it happen.

YANBU to dread it but I'd be crystal clear with your dp about what his role is and what he needs to do hosting HIS family. I.e. Which meals he'll make, do the grocery shopping etc.

Yanbu get your dh to cancel or just host the original visitors. There was no way we entertained anyone at 3 months.

WTF?? Take the space in your mums house.

I’d fuck off to my Mums and leave DH to hosting his family.

Take the space offered in your mum's house &-leave the preparation and cooking to your husband. Also, don't immediately comfort your baby when s/he screams at night. Let everybody else experience sleep deprivation along with you.

How much sleep is your DH getting? I imagine it's more than 3 hours if he's making you open house. Is he pulling his weight?

Omg just cancel. How much is your dh doing to help now?

YANBU. Absolutely make him do everything as you're busy with the baby.

"Darling, could you clean the bathroom before your guests arrive, I would do it but I'm busy with the baby" etc etc.

I would cancel if you can because that would make me crazy. If you're breastfeeding use it as an excuse when you need alone time.

Even without a young baby that sounds hellish. I hope your DP is sorting everything out after inviting them

As long as DH is prepared to do EVERYTHING! Otherwise cancel!

Errg I would have to pull a sickie. A really thoughtless stunt for him to pull. Mine has previously done similar and I now say ”no, we are booked up/have plans” without fear. Do get him to do everything including shopping for it, cooking, and tidying up. Also if you have a good relationship with MIL I would confide in her about how concerned you are with visitors and baby's sleeping, and how tired you are. She might be able to read them and your DH the riot act and make absolutely sure they help out enough.

Don't cancel as awful as it is it will just get postponed so it will be hanging over you for longer.

Tell dh you have just had a baby you are too busy to host, your role is to care for the baby and chat and he must take charge of the hosting. He needs a plan, who is sleeping where, how much bedding he needs, what he is going to cook, what ingredients he needs. I would reccomend he books a day off before to clean, prepare the beds and wash all the bedding, buy and prepare and the food.

You will have to suck it up this time but he will be much less enthusiastic to make this kind of offer again play the long game, from someone who has been there it's well worth it.

Spend the day in bed, they may visit you one at a time for no more than three minutes. [Grin]

I wouldn't resent the effort going into hosting because DH would be doing it all. I would take the space offered by your mum and explain to relations in advance you may be exhausted so DH will be doing all the hosting.

Tell your dh that as he has invited everyone, he will be hosting, he will be preparing everything (beds, shopping, food etc etc) and will be responsible for cleaning up too.

That is too many people for anyone in a normal sized house to host!

Cancel or tell DH that he is responsible for all hosting activities, including the pre and post cleaning house of the house/changing of beds, the shopping and the cooking/drinks while they are there

It's hard enough hosting that many people anyway, let alone with a 3 month old! I'd be fuming that he just kept adding more people

YANBU why did he agree to it?! He needs to do 99% of the work involved with it

YANBU.I hate having people to stay, I would definitely expect them to help out, make their own breakfast, I wouldn't be cooking either, takeaway or go out to eat if finances permit. I wouldn't enjoy having this many people to stay at all.