Family visit

[fearnot]

AIBU to dread hosting 10 members of DH's family for a weekend (including 2 kids, aged 1 and 3) when we've just had a baby, now 3 months old?

DS isn't sleeping well in his crib so I'm lucky to get 3 hours of sleep at night. Also social situations make me mentally exhausted so I think I'd be feeling anxious even without a baby to look after.

It started off with one cousin wanting to visit with her DP and 2 kids to which I agreed and thought would be manageable. Then DH said it would make sense for 3 other cousins to come at the same time, then he also invited MIL and BIL, and MIL said DH's aunt should come too. We don't have space for everyone to sleep but my mum lives nearby and has kindly offered some space so we can just about squeeze everyone in.

Also AIBU to resent the effort we'll need to go to to host - preparing meals, tidying up before and after, rearranging furniture for sleeping and dining space, laundry etc - given that we have a baby to look after?

I think it depends on your visitors and you feelings towards them .
If they are easy and will bring and prep food help out with the baby and you can relax and let it happen don’t worry about it .
I’d definitely make it clear to your dh what you will or rather won’t be doing .
We regularly host dhs family which are similar in size to yours including the Christmas I was 38 weeks pregnant with my 3 rd child .
A few years ago I pointed out to my husband that I was no longer clearing up and cooking all the meals as usual and gave him a list of chores before hand ( which he didn’t necessarily do but I didn’t either !) and what meals he was to plan and cook . I also buggered off after the meals I’d cooked to ‘ deal with one of tne kids ‘. He was amazed how little they did ! Since then it’s been a different story .

If you can’t cope then don’t !

Two words spring to mind. Premier Inn!

If you do intend having them all in your house tell them to bring towels, sheets and duvet covers, we all do this when we visit in large numbers and it makes such a difference, some even bring their own duvets and pillows.

There's no need to be resentful about the extra work that will go into looking after all of these guests that DH has invited - he will be doing all of that by himself. Seriously OP, do not lift a finger. He needs to understand how difficult it is to host so many people with a baby in the house, otherwise he's going to be inviting lots of people over at inconvenient times for the rest of your lives, and letting you deal with it all.

Can't he send a group message saying that he feels it's a bit much to host everyone due to pressures of a new baby??

YADNBU

@LadyRannaldini that's a great idea!

So your DH needs to take a day or two off work before the visitors descend, to do the cleaning, making up beds, meal planning, food shopping, sorting out where everyone will sleep, etc.

While you, of course, will be putting all of your energy towards recovering from giving birth, resting because of lack of sleep, and looking after your baby.

When the visitors arrive your DH will see to them completely, making drinks, sorting any issues, cooking, clearing up, etc.

Surely before you invite people it goes through your head if you are capable/can actually be arsed etc? So presumably op's dh has it all in hand? Otherwise he's a fuckwit and needs to know what's involved with hosting before before he repeats his open house invites. He's not royalty ffs

Ugh, how horrible. However it's organised now so I would suck it up. BUT I would:

• Warn DH that you will, at times just take DS and yourself off to your room occasionally to get some rest, and you are NOT to disturbed or made to feel guilty for doing so.
• Put out everything needed for coffee and tea making (except the milk, obviously) and tell them all that you want them to feel comfortable and to help themselves - you're not making drinks all weekend for everyone.
• Buy in 'insta' food, or some BBQ food and get some of the cousins to run said BBQ.
• Have a takeaway night, and get everybody to chip in for their share of the cost.

Do NOT run yourself ragged looking after them. If there is one sympathetic/lead cousin in the lot, lean on them a bit in advance, let them know how tired you are, and then let them organise everyone.

Thank you for all the replies - some great advice here. Letting everyone help themselves to food and drink and bring their own bedding will really help!

I've spoken with DH today as it was really stressing me out and he's completely on board with taking over the hosting. He has said he's happy to cancel but I'd feel too rude now. I'm sure MIL will help out too as she's aware how tired I've been and she's been keen to help out where she can.