To not go to wedding where I know hardly anyone?

[Slomi]

Has anyone gone to a wedding where their partner has been best man/bridemaid and you barely knew anyone there? I really don’t want to go but my DP is a bit sulky about it and wants me to make the effort for his friends and so I can see his speech. I have met the B&G 4 times briefly. I only know one of DP’s friends who is going. DP tells me to hang out with him but he is going to want to catch up with friends and show off his newish girlfriend (quite rightfully!). Add to that, I have to find an overnight babysitter for my 8 month old and I am just dreading it.

I have said I don't want to go and he still hasn’t rsvp’d (doesn’t see the point as he is best man apparently ). WIBU to stick to this? I’m still suffering PND, I’ll be just back in work after a few months unpaid leave and I could not be arsed spending a fortune on a dress/present/hotel stay. FWIW, we have gone to 3 other weddings together in the last two and a half years, 2 were his friends' weddings but that was ok because he wasn’t best man (and it was easier to meet and talk to people when you are introduced. None of these friends bar one mentioned above will be at this next wedding). We also have another wedding in his family in three months time which will involve a 3 night stay with our baby in a destination I would have no inclination to go to otherwise. So it’s not that I don’t make any effort to attend his events.

Thanks!

And you don't sound ridiculous or over-sensitive at all. Hopefully if you do decide to go it won't be nearly as bad as the one I went to, but don't be pressurised into going if you don't want to. The difficulty of finding a babysitter is a genuine reason to decline if nothing else.

a few months after my partner and i got together he invited me as his plus one to his nephews wedding, it was a big wedding in a posh hotel and the only person i knew that day was him, met all his family in one hit, it was nerve racking but at least i got to meet them all at once. wasnt that bad, i treated it like a nice weekend in a posh hotel with social stuff thrown in

Yes. You suck it up and you go. It’s not about enjoying it, it’s about supporting him if he is best man.

I would definitely go.

Normally I would say go, but not with your PND status. Very much doubt you will enjoy it in your current state of mind. I’m very chatty and happy to talk to anyone but not if I was feeling as you have outlined. Life is too short to people please. Ask your DP to send you a recorded version of his speech and stay home.

I've been to a few weddings where I know nobody. They have involved sit down meals etc and thankfully the bride and groom have always done well with the seating plans! Honestly, I've dreaded every single one but have actually had a real laugh at all of them! Just go and have no expectations of how it will be.

The fact that it’s a child-free wedding would be the clincher for me. As you rightly say, it’s their prerogative. It’s also yours, as a parent, to decline your invitation on the basis that it makes your life too difficult.

I’ve had an eight-month-old, and not all that long ago. I remember just how difficult a time that was. And no, leaving DC without either parent for that length of time was not an option.

I’ve also had depression, and commiserations to you on that score. It’s a debilitating disease which can make even washIng your hair feel like a marathon sprint. I’m not introverted and don’t mind conversing with strangers, but with that condition and a demanding 8-mo to care for? Not on your bloody life.

Your DC at this age needs your ‘support’ far more than your DP does. You have one child to look after, not two and it should be DP supporting you and prioritising your mental wellbeing at such a difficult time. But when it’s a question of your own priorities I’d say the decision is easy. Your health and DC’s wellbeing on this occasion trump DP’s wish.

You can’t always keep everyone happy, despite our social conditioning as women that this is our chief function in life. Sending good vibes your way.

I can't really see how it's not easier all around for your DH to just go and enjoy the event on his own. He'll have loads to do, he's sitting at the top table, he knows people. He won't have to worry about whether you're having a good time or not. You hardly know them, have a small child and it's child free. Hours away.

I think I'd probably find myself sucking it up and going if my DH said it was super important to him. But I wouldn't judge you for not...

Thank you @MarieIVanArkleStinks Your post made me tear up a bit because you verbalise so well how I'm feeling. DP is very good to me and hands on with our baby but he doesn't understand the pnd.

DP was home late. I brought up the wedding but he asked me if we could talk about it tomorrow as groom has been texting him all day plus phone calls and he's burnt out with it. He settled baby 10 mins ago and I heard him fall into bed after so I know he's tired and I didn't want to push a conversation

If it really is that important to him, I'll go for the ceremony, speeches/meal (he has repeatedly said he wants me there for the ceremony/speeches, no mention of the evening), stay for one drink with him if he's available and then go home. I'm still dreading it, but staying for 6 hours for the bits he actually cares about and going home to baby is way better than 12 hours at least plus an overnight. I hope he will try to meet me halfway on it.

Thank you again to all who took time to post, you really have helped me and I do appreciate it

Maybe it’s pnd making you overreact but your response to the wedding is odd. Talking to people you don’t know can be interesting most people are kind if you are on your own and have the manners to talk to you over dinner. Chance to meet new people and escape the baby bubble.

Well done OP. I think with a young baby it totally makes sense to leave early I doubt anyone would even think twice and I'm sure DP will appreciate you being there for the speeches.

I posted earlier OP and was perhaps a bit harsh saying to suck it up and go. Just wanted to come back and say I read your updates and that sounds like a really sensible compromise. I hope he goes for it.

Oh, FFS! It's a wedding, not a major op! He's an adult who has a very busy role in the wedding, he doesn't need his mentally ill partner who is sick with PND and doesn't have overnight childcare for their baby there for 'support'. It's really all about him, isn't it, OP? He doesn't have any regard for how you feel and are struggling. YOU are the one, by your admission, who says you have to find overnight childcare and he doesn't see his baby as 'an excuse' not to have you there as his prop.

I wouldn't go. 'I'm not going. I am ill. I don't have overnight childcare and can't sort it. It's pretty cruel of you to keep trying to force me. You'll be busy all day. I'm not going.'

I did exactly this about 3 years ago and it was awesome. DH was the BM and I had met the groom but not seen him in about 12 years. I was on a table with the bride’s family (some of them) and they were so welcoming and I had a real laugh. Go for it!

We've been invited to two child-free weddings since DS was born, both people we knew well. For the first, which was around the corner from DM's house, I just went for the ceremony (under an hour). For the second, which was 3hrs away, it never occurred to me to go. Far too much hassle to arrange an overnight babysitter for a

@DisorganisedOrganiser

Thank you. I don't think you were harsh. I asked for opinions and I do take them all onboard. I am having a lot of difficulty gauging if my responses to things are out of proportion at the moment because I get so anxious so it helps to hear how others see it.

I am hoping I will look back on this wedding in a year or two and laugh at how silly I was getting myself in a state over it.